To Have and Hold, Until Bedtime?

[ClosetNerd]

My parents have always slept in separate beds. But this is for medical reasons...

For the last 7 years Mr Nerd and I have always shared a bed, and I suffered through the snoring because we both sleep so much better with the spooning. Heck, we even have syncronised rollovers. But this last month has been a whole other story... I have been starting out in our bed every night, and almost always going next door to the guest room a short while later. What with the peeing and the backaches on top of his log sawing, it's the only way I can get any sleep at all. Funny thing though, neither of us can sleep a wink when the other is away, but when I'm just in the next room we sleep very well

[Rattus]

my parents slept in twin beds pushed together for 40 years. Almost from the beginning of their marriage.

We had this set-up when we went on holiday last year, and it was phenomenal. I could reach out and put my hand on his hip when I needed to, but his flailing and thumping didn't touch me at all - ahh, blissful sleep. As I mentioned in my earlier post, emotionally I am not at all ready to not sleep with him (even after 22 years), but physically I could really do without the bruises from his flinging arms or the abrasions from his toenails (even freshly trimmmed) dragging down the back of my legs during his sleep runs. I will, however, continue to deal with the moaning, lipsmacking and talking in his sleep. Gah, no wonder I'm so tired all the time.

I've already read of married couples keeping two apartments in the same building so they can have their alone time. And it works for them. That I just don't get.

This I don't get either, though obviously it works for some people. Mr. Rattus and I have spent the bulk of our time the past couple of weeks in separate areas of the house - he in the den with the computer doing things with music, me in my studio painting. We started feeling a little disconnected and went on a date to reconnect. After two weeks. I just wouldn't be happy spending that much time away from him.

[MRD]

rethinking separate bed/house thing. Hubby has been sick off and on all winter. He NEVER gets sick. I get every bug in the world but this year I have not had any virus other than a small stomach one.

Well he's been sick for a week. hacking, sneezing, fever, chills, aching. And guess who's got it now?

So I'm thinking that we need separate houses to quarantine the sickies so it doesn't spread. I hate being sick and it ALWAYS settles in my chest and takes up residence. I hope my hacking keeps him awake.

We need separate bedrooms for the dogs. Rosie at 15 pounds snores like a sumu wrestler and now we have Waldo who literally sounds like a man. I thought it was my husband, but its the dog. Only problem is if we lock them out of the bedroom, they all whine and scratch at the door.
I need ear plugs, a respiratory mask and I'll be good to go to sleep with hubby and the animals.

[anemone]

It really is what works for individual relationships. (Oxymoron?) SO and I have lived together, now we live apart. I spend weekends at his house. He is retired/disabled and has lousy sleep patterns. I enjoy getting a full night's sleep in my own house since I work for a living. I will occasionally ask him to sleep at my house during the week, which he is willing to do.
When we lived together full time, we would each occasionally need space during the daytime, not sleeping. My house is just too small. There wasn't any place for us to be away from eachother.
He has been making noises of me moving into his house permanently. I have to ponder on that for a minute.

[ArchieComic Fan]

We have a spare bedroom (my son's room when he's away at school) and sometimes I'll sleep in it if my husband is snoring or if he pushes me to the edge of the bed and the dog is on the other. He has a job that keeps him at work overnight a few times a week so on those nights I have the bed to myself but I don't sleep well. I wouldn't want us to sleep in separate beds/rooms on a permanent basis but we definitely need it occasionally, especially if one or both of us is sick.

[ScoutMom]

Years ago, I couldn't sleep well if my husband wasn't in bed with me. However, he then started working shift work, so if I wanted to get any sleep at all, I had to sleep without him. I still prefer it when he's there (obviously!), but I am able to sleep when he's not.

He's also a volunteer firefighter. He gets up at all hours to go out and fight fires. I've gotten to the point where I don't even hear him come and go anymore!

[schmoo2]

I've been married 28 years, and pretty much 20 of those have slept elsewhere - keyword being slept. usually at another end of the house, with doors shut - snoring was that bad.
It started when the kids were very small and I had to sleep in their rooms when they were sick - it was so nice getting a full nights sleep, that I managed to do that for the next 20 years.
first on couches, finally gave up and made one of the kids bedrooms into my own as they moved.

Finally, we are reaching empty nester status - and he goes to a doctor to see about stopping the snoring. Thank God.
I could not get him to a doctor - this is something he had to decide on his own. but he had SERIOUS sleep apnea. very dangerous.
He is on a C-Pap now. and I have moved back into the bedroom with him.
and I no longer dread vacations, where I ended up napping most of the daytime to make up for the sleepless nights.
and, no, it was not something anyone could ever have gotten used to.

The dog likes it better too, cause now he can sleep with both of us without wandering the halls at night.

[Duxxy]

My husband started working night shift a few months before we were married .. that's 10 years ago now. We both sleep better when we are alone because we so seldom sleep in the same bed.
On the upside, besides changing the sheets, I haven't made my bed in 10 years There is always someone in it and I am not making the bed for the 3 hours between the time he gets up and I go to bed.

Our together time is important to us because there is not enough of it to take it for granted - so it's a very rare thing for us to have a disagreement and we never 'fight'.

Seriously!? who says you have to share a bed or a room to have an intimate relationship (as in intimacy - not sexual.. you can do that anywhere, anytime .. welll only if you don't have kids lurking about)? Who started all of this sharing a bed stuff anyway?? From what I have read those of you who have posted that you can't (or don't like to) sleep without your partner is because you have become so used to it over the years. You get used to sleeping alone too - but it's more going back to the early years, I think it's rare these days that siblings share a bed.. so for most of us we have slept alone until having a partner foisted the bed sharing thing upon us.

I remember being a kid going over to my friend's house in the morning and there were blankets and pillows on the couch ... I was so embarrassed for her because to me it was an obvious sign of trouble. I told her I was sorry that her parents were getting divorced and she actually laughed, she said that her mom sends her dad to sleep on the couch because he snored.
Funny how even as a young kid I thought it was the beginning of the end if you weren't sharing a bed.

[burntbrat]

Who started all of this sharing a bed stuff anyway?? From what I have read those of you who have posted that you can't (or don't like to) sleep without your partner is because you have become so used to it over the years. You get used to sleeping alone too - but it's more going back to the early years, I think it's rare these days that siblings share a bed.. so for most of us we have slept alone until having a partner foisted the bed sharing thing upon us.

I actually did share a bed with my older sister for many, many years. Then our parents divorced and she went one way and I went the other. Years later she decided to try a different state and moved in with my mother and I, and we shared a bed again because I didn't think it was a big deal and didn't want her sleeping on the couch. That was a mistake, I could only handle sleeping with her for two nights and then she was on the couch until she found an apartment.

It may be that I'm simply "used" to sleeping with my husband, but I don't think so. I just prefer it. I prefer the comfort of knowing that someone who loves me very much is right next to me. My youngest was sick a few nights ago and wouldn't sleep, so I put a futon mattress on the family room floor and made the bed up and slept with her. She finally went to sleep, but I'm a light sleeper and would feel her occasionally reaching her hand out during the night to make sure I was still there. She hasn't slept in a bed with me since she was a month old. So maybe it's not a "used to" thing but a needy, comfort, safety, don't leave me thing.

[just1paul]

Seriously!? who says you have to share a bed or a room to have an intimate relationship (as in intimacy - not sexual.. you can do that anywhere, anytime .. welll only if you don't have kids lurking about)? Who started all of this sharing a bed stuff anyway?? From what I have read those of you who have posted that you can't (or don't like to) sleep without your partner is because you have become so used to it over the years. You get used to sleeping alone too - but it's more going back to the early years, I think it's rare these days that siblings share a bed.. so for most of us we have slept alone until having a partner foisted the bed sharing thing upon us.

Totally in agreement here. Lord, when I had a partner, I hated it that he felt we had to sleep together and he was one of those "I'm going to hold you in a hug all night long" YEEECK!! I would always be awake until he fell asleep, then I would go out and sleep on the couch. I am so happy to be alone and share my bed only with Joey, and then he even leaves after he's decided that enough is enough. When Mona was alive, I would usually sleep on the couch anyway, as the two of them would be hogging the bed and goofy daddy here didn't want to disturb the FELINES....
AHHH - Nothing like sleeping alone and getting a good nights rest.