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Thread: Losing a Mom

  1. #1
    everything under the sun lopevian's Avatar
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    Losing a Mom

    Hi all...my Mom passed away at the end of December. I miss her so much. She had a health crisis in late October, and she was suffering. I recognize the blessing in knowing she suffers no more. She was 82 years old, and had a wonderful life. I know that living to such an advanced age, and living a life well led, is a comfort. I have all that down. I understand it, and completely agree with it. But it's not helping me a whole lot right now. I miss her so much.

    Any of you who have lost your Moms, I'd so appreciate hearing from you, your thoughts and feelings. I'm sure your input and advise will be a tremendous help. Thank you so much, and best wishes in the new year to each of you.

    lopevian
    "...Mr. Bluebird on my shoulder..."

  2. #2
    Got wings 9/19/2012 buglover's Avatar
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    Sorry for your loss lopevian. I lost my mother 6 years ago to cancer and it was sudden. She had no idea she had cancer until it was too late. We went through a month of hope and then loss of hope. I miss my mother every day. It gets better. I've gone through the stages of grief over and over again through the years. After a few years, I didn't cry as much but still feel the void daily.
    What has helped me is keeping busy and having her everywhere with me. In my car I have a butterfly pendant to signify her rebirth into the spirit world. At home, many many pictures. At work, emails from her before she got sick. I had a tattoo of a monarch done on my upper back with the date of her birth and her death as a memorial.
    I have all of her things in storage and even though the money would be nice to not pay each month, I have yet to go through the items in there. I'm taking my time.
    Going to grief counceling helped and after one on one, I went to group and knowing how many other people have the same issues as I do helped me feel like I was not going nuts.
    Never let other people's opinions of what you should or should not feel or do effect you. Know that however you choose to deal with your loss is ok. There is no set thing to do. Climbing out of the mess of emotions takes time and patience by everyone around you. Love yourself and take your time.

    Namaste lopevian. Remember she is always with you and watching over you.
    Yup, with donuts!!

  3. #3
    FORT Fogey Pyramid Solitaire by Disney's Tangled Champion combatcutie's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry for your loss lopevian. I still have my mom around, so I have no good words of advice for you. Counseling is always a good start. They will be able to help you grieve the way you should. Just know that no matter what, your mother will always be with you. I am only a pm away if you need to talk
    I can only please one person a day, today is not your day and tomorrow doesn't look good either

  4. #4
    Rock Stars! bbnbama's Avatar
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    lopevian, I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. I haven't lost my mom but I did lose my dad to cancer 10 years ago and I know how devastating it is to lose a parent.

    I didn't go to any type of counseling but I do know of others that counseling has helped them. The people here on the FORT are wonderful people to listen and help you so I would recommend posting here and people will give some great advice and help and be there to listen and sometimes just having someone listen is healing in itself.

    PM me if you ever need to.........
    Reality is the beginning...not the end....Wallace Stevens

  5. #5
    Nevermind Lotuslander's Avatar
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    Oh Lopevian I'm so sorry. My Mother is alive, but I know it won't be for long and I'm dreading the day. We all grieve differently and during the early 90's most of my friends died in their twenties, (Aids-pre the new meds ) and a book I read that helped was called Who Dies. Profoundly moved me. Remember it's normal not to behave normally when a loved one dies.

  6. #6
    FORT Fogey Cornedbeef's Avatar
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    That's awful, lopevian. Hope you will find the strength to carry on without her. I would read a book, like the one Lotuslander suggested.

  7. #7
    FORT Fogey ScoutMom's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry about your mom, lopevian. I lost my mom about 15 years ago to cancer. Fortunately, she went rather quickly and didn't suffer. I also lost my aunt last March. She became like a mother to me, and she was suffering in her later years. It was almost a relief to me that my aunt wasn't suffering any more and was in a much better place.

    It's perfectly natural for you to miss your mom. You will continue to miss her for the rest of your life. But it does get easier with each passing day. You'll find yourself remembering all the good things about her, the fun times you had together, and so forth. All the suffering will kind of fade into the background andthe good stuff will be more to the forefront. I still think of all the things my mom has missed in my life since she died. She never met my husband, never met her grandson. But in my heart, I think that she really knows what's going on in my life, and she's with me in spirit.

    Allow yourself time to grieve. If you feel like crying, go ahead and cry. If you feel like laughing, go ahead and laugh. Everyone grieves in their own way. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

  8. #8
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    lopevian, I have not lost my mom but I offer you my deepest condolences for your devastating loss. You are in my thoughts...

  9. #9
    Trouble in my life just1paul's Avatar
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    lopevian - you are in my thoughts and prayers.
    - The Dean Martin Show -

    Petula Clark: You know they say you can't buy happiness.
    Dean Martin: No but you can pour it..

  10. #10
    Queen Chloe Harmoj's Avatar
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    Oh lopevian I'm so sorry for your loss. If I was there with you I would give you a hug, that always helped me.

    I lost my beloved mother to cancer two years, four months ago. If I have any advise for you it would be this. Give yourself permission to grieve.

    Like you, I knew logically that she was no longer suffering, and boy did she suffer. She would hold my hand and just beg me to make it better, make it easer to breath, make the pain go away. She was just a shell of the woman I knew. When it was finally over, and she slipped away in her sleep, it was kind of a relief…that it was finally over.

    But, I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want my Mom to die. I had too many things I wanted to share with her. In one horrible moment my whole life had changed…I was a motherless child.

    For me every day brought fresh hurt at first. I totally shut down, my life stopped. We went to grief counseling as a family, and that did help. However, I tried to be the strong one. I didn’t want to show how really hurt I was, and so I held in my grief. I didn’t let it out, I was too wounded…and angry. Angry at God for taking her so early. Angry at Mom for leaving me. So hurt I was afraid I would just break apart if I didn’t hold myself together. I spent a lot of time in bed.

    Over time, the hurt got easer and I had lost two years.

    I still miss her every day. I would give anything to pick up the phone and hear her sweet voice. To pour out all my sorrows, like I used to, and hear her good advise again. I think I will always feel her absence. Looking back now, I wish I would of allowed myself to grieve, to break apart, so that I could start to heal. I am only starting that process now. I don’t know when it will be over, but it is getting easer.

    It will be OK.

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