Losing a Mom

[echo226]

I wasn't sure where to post this.

First let me offer my thoughts, prayers for those remembering and having a difficult time because of losses ... both recent and somewhat distant. The Holidays are a very tough time.

We just got word that a family friend has decided that hospice is the best option for himself and his family. The prognosis is weeks and he probably will not make it until Christmas.

I just cannot get this family out of my mind.

The thought of this family gathering around their husband/father and sharing this vigil during the Holiday Season just breaks my heart into a million pieces. I know there is nothing I can do, and it is difficult to know what to say.

I remember when a best friend passed, the minister spoke of a re-birth rather than a death and it brought some comfort, as I hope it does for all of you.

I only hope this family will not forever at Christmas, be saddened when reminded of this ending chapter, but can see it as a beginning. That after all, is what Christmas is about.

Please say some extra prayers for them.

[dagwood]

Your friend and his family are in my prayers, echo.


This will be my first Christmas without my dad as well. It is really hard on my daughter, as he was the only Grandpa. I miss him terribly, but he is no longer so sick and that makes me feel much better.

My prayers are with all those missing a loved one this Christmas.

[chrelsey]

Chrelsey, your post brought tears and smiles. My dad always bought me petit fours from Swiss Colony. I LOVE petit fours. Well, I hadn't even really thought about them that first Christmas after he passed. My dad's sister and her family were acutally coming for Christmas at my house that year. We usually got together the weekend before or after, but that year, they could come on Christmas day. My aunt hands me a wrapped package and its Petit Fours from Swiss Colony. The weird thing is that she did not know her brother, my dad had been giving me those for years. I started crying and she had NO idea why. When I told her, she was stunned and said: "I just had such a strong urge to buy these for you". She has given me Petit Fours now every Christmas since then.

How interesting that there is a similar tradition in our families with gifts
like that.

We have another similar story. When I was a year old for my birthday, my great-aunt worked for a florist, so she made me a coursage of 3 sweetheart rose buds. They are tiny. And then later, she dried them and put them in a shadow box for me that has hung in my room since I was a y ear old.

When my daughter was turning one, my mom (unbeknownst to me) went to the florist to order a coursage for her and when she did, the owner said: " I was working here and I remember when Dot made the one for your daughter when she turned one. Please let me make it on the house as my gift to your granddaughter in memory of her great-great-aunt". It was very touching and it had been 30 years since my aunt had made the one for me. She had died when my daughter was 6 months old, but I have to wonder if she would have gotten the coursage herself. Something tells me she would have.
But it was amazing that the owner remembered that. (she wasn't the owner back when I got my coursage, she later bought the shop from the original owner).
And yes, we have that one dried and in a shadow box as well.

MRD - Thank you so much for sharing both of your stories! What a special blessing both of those people were to you - just when you needed it most! Sometimes I am certain that we are visited by angels unaware . . .

[lopevian]

Echo, I'm so sorry about your family friend. That is gut wrenching. My sister's husband came home for the last weeks of his life, and passed away in the early morning hours of New Years Eve, 1999. What that did to her and their children, it was devastating. I wish strength for you and your friend's family in the weeks ahead.

My thoughts and prayers are also with all of you who are missing a loved one.

Chrelsey and myrosiedog, those stories are so beautiful and uplifting.
About a month ago, I was dusting in the living room of my parents house, and all of a sudden, the fireplace implements rattled together, very loudly. There was nothing near them that could have caused the rattle, nothing fell, there was no breeze coming down the chimney. There was no baby earthquake. No large vehicle passing by outside. I ran and got my Dad, telling him that Mom had just said "hello!". The broom implement was still swinging, and swung for a good two minutes. We looked high and low to determine what might have caused them to rattle, and then practically jumped up and down when the only thing we could reason was that Mom had indeed said "hello!". My Dad said she "visited us". It was wonderful.

Roseskid, thank you so much. You'll be in my thoughts, too.

[Lois Lane]

First of all, thank you everyone for your kind words and warm wishes. I know that many of you have experienced similar losses...so to hear your thoughts and learn how you've been doing as one of the survivors...well, those memories you've all shared are priceless.

When I was printing out some photos for my father's visitation and funeral, I had an interesting moment. As I printed all the photos out of my father with his family, I closed each jpeg once I was done printing. Well, one jpeg wouldn't close that evening--it was a jpeg of my father alone. Now, you could say that I just have a crappy computer and it was a computer error...but I kind of like to think that was my father's way of being with me when I needed him to be there. (By the way, the jpeg closed with no problems the next day...)

Anyhow, thank you again. And please know that all of you who've lost loved ones in your lives are in my thoughts as well...

[worldscrashing]

It will be 5 years next wednesday that my mom has been dead. She was 43. She had been battling lymphoma cancer for 10 years and having a bone marrow transplant was her last option. In the end her body couldn't take it anymore. I miss her all the time especially around this time of year. She was a great mother. I think about the good things and that she is no longer suffering. I also try to focus on doing stuff that makes me happy and that would make her proud. My best advice is think of the good and focus on the now. It's all you can do.

[lopevian]

It will be 5 years next wednesday that my mom has been dead. She was 43. She had been battling lymphoma cancer for 10 years and having a bone marrow transplant was her last option. In the end her body couldn't take it anymore. I miss her all the time especially around this time of year. She was a great mother. I think about the good things and that she is no longer suffering. I also try to focus on doing stuff that makes me happy and that would make her proud. My best advice is think of the good and focus on the now. It's all you can do.

I'm so sorry to read about your Mom's passing, worldscrashing. She was so young. You have given wonderful and wise advise. My condolences to you, as this next anniversary approaches, and throughout the holidays.

And welcome to FoRT.

[Kick Rocks]

I'm new around these parts, but I felt compelled to respond. First of all, my thoughts and prayers go out to all of you. And many, many Hugs too, because you can never have too many hugs, IMO.

I lost my Mom a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving last year, in my first semester of doctoral school. She had a brain anaeurysm, so it was rather sudden. I honestly can't explain why, but for the two months prior to her passing, I was filled with fear that she was going to pass. Apparently, my intuition was sadly right. She suffered a lot in her life and sometimes I think at the very least she doesn't have to deal with it anymore, but it still hurts. I always anticipated her early passing, so in a way, it's like a little of both---dealing with sudden loss and also dealing with a death via longtime illness.

I'm really missing her badly; last year I was still in a daze at this time of the year, but now I just plain miss her. It was nothing to be on the phone with her for 2 hours at a time, just talking about everything. We could talk about anything---I told her everything that was going on in my life and I could even share inane pop culture stuff with her too. We always wanted to watch Gilmore Girls together but never got to, so we usually just dished over the phone. Sometimes it's silly little things that I miss sharing with her, like getting a drastic new haircut. I can't listen to Simon & Garfunkel, Elton John, James Taylor and a slew of other music that I like, because it still reminds me of her too much. There was always some kind of music playing in the house. I swear the woman never washed a dish in her life unless she was listening to an oldies station on the radio or a tape. I will say, in the past year, I've come very far and it does get better.


I know how many of you feel. Usually, that's a presumptuous statement to make, but in this case, I don't so. I don't think it matters how old we are, how good or bad the relationship was, and whether or not the passing was sudden or expected, when we lose a Mom, it is indescribable. I honestly can't believe most people have gone through or will go through this. I think it's important to keep talking to people that understand, to keep talking to people that have been through it. It's important for all of us to remember that no matter how bad it feels (and it does get better), you are not alone, as unbelievable as that might seem at times, you are not.

Lois Lane, Echo, worldscrashing, dagwood, schmoo2, myrosiedog and anyone else I may have missed, thank you for sharing your stories. More hugs to all of you. I enjoyed reading your stories and memories. I wish you all peace and comfort.

[bbnbama]

Kick Rocks, Thanks for sharing your story about your mom. She sounded like a great lady.

I wish for you many more good memories that will help get you through this holiday season.

[dagwood]

Kick Rocks, I am sorry about your loss. Thanks for sharing with us.