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Thread: Losing a Mom

  1. #51
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Lopevian, you will find strength where you might have thought none existed. Keep being your amazing self, such a testament to the Mom that showed you the way and please know that my shoulder is always here for you as well.

  2. #52
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    lopevian,

    I wanted to check to see how you were doing. I know it was almost a year ago since you suffered your horrible loss. As you already know, I lost my father a couple months ago and I can unfortunately say that I know how you feel...or felt. I never knew how horrible it was to lose a parent until it happened to me. I used to always feel badly for all my friends who went through this...but I didn't know how truly heartbreaking it is.

    One of my friends lost her dad a year ago. She said it does get easier. The minister who performed my father's service said he lost his own dad a few years prior, and that the first two years were the worst for him to deal with. In other words, he was telling me that it is OK (and normal) to feel that sadness, even if it seems like you should be "over it."

    I don't think I'll ever be over this...


    Lois

  3. #53
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Quote Originally Posted by Lois Lane;2710456;
    lopevian,

    I wanted to check to see how you were doing. I know it was almost a year ago since you suffered your horrible loss. As you already know, I lost my father a couple months ago and I can unfortunately say that I know how you feel...or felt. I never knew how horrible it was to lose a parent until it happened to me. I used to always feel badly for all my friends who went through this...but I didn't know how truly heartbreaking it is.

    One of my friends lost her dad a year ago. She said it does get easier. The minister who performed my father's service said he lost his own dad a few years prior, and that the first two years were the worst for him to deal with. In other words, he was telling me that it is OK (and normal) to feel that sadness, even if it seems like you should be "over it."

    I don't think I'll ever be over this...


    Lois
    Lois, I'm so sorry. I have lost my parents and honestly you don't really get over it. You do find a way to live with it though. I do miss mine more around holidays. But it's been 8 and 6 years for me with my parents and I now don't automatically reach for the phone to call them. But they are always with me. I have great memories and I tell stories about them and while I miss them, I know they are not suffering.

    Still, it is hard. But it does find a way of getting easier. And you don't know it has until one day you wake up and go: "hey, it's gotten a little better, when did that happen?" So you do go on and you do miss them, but you do find a way to live a life that is not the same, but different.
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  4. #54
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Thanks myrosiedog...it means a lot!

  5. #55
    everything under the sun lopevian's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Thank you for inquiring, Lois. This has been the fastest year of my life. I have not been present for most of it. The world keeps turning, but I've yet to jump back on. Missing her has been overwhelming, and helping and just being with my lost and heartbroken Dad is mainly what I remember about this year. We have spent many hours talking about our feelings and sharing our grief. Not a phone conversation goes by that we don't talk about Mom, and we talk everyday. That alone just breaks my heart. I use to talk to my Mom every night on the phone, and when my Dad answered it was always, "how you doing? great! Okay, here's Mom". Then I'd talk to her for a half an hour or forty five minutes. My Dad is just not a phone person. Now, I call him each night, and, most times, spend about an hour on the phone. It breaks my heart, he is so lonely. Neither one of us can believe it will be one year at the end of the month. There's no timetable on grief, and, as I've learned, time itself becomes difficult to reckon. That's because you're a step out of time.

    Lois, I admire you so much. In the midst of your own personal pain, you reach out to others, with a kind, or helpful, or encouraging word. You really touch my heart. Best wishes to you and your family with the holidays approaching.

    Also, thank you to FORT for letting me start this thread. I didn't really know what was what, I mainly hung out in the Fun & Games threads. I wasn't familiar with the "share your troubles thread", which is where I should have put the post regarding my Mom's passing.

    This thread can for anyone who has lost a Mom. It's mostly a universal feeling, I'm sure.
    Last edited by lopevian; 12-08-2007 at 09:07 PM.

  6. #56
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Lois, I know the holidays will be tough for you and I hope your memories of your dear father will help see you through. Sometimes it also helps to try to do something a little different at the holidays so their absence isn't quite so glaring. My folks have been gone 40 and 6 years and I still miss both of them, but at least it's not as much of a gaping wound as it used to be.

    Lopevian, I'll be thinking of you, too. Your dad must cherish your phone conversations, and I'm glad you two have been given this extra time to form a new relationship. Hang in there sweetie.
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  7. #57
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    I, too, have lost both of my parents - my mom a little more than a year ago, and my dad four years ago. Honestly, it's still hard without them, and a day doesn't go by that I don't think about and miss them - but never moreso than at Christmas.

    But there are so many good memories - so I just try to hang onto those, and know that I will always have those memories to warm me when it's cold . . . or I'm lonely . . . or both.

    You know, it was a running tradition in my family that my mom and dad would always wrap a box of chocolate covered cherries and have it under the tree for me. I love chocolate covered cherries, and no matter what, that was one gift I KNEW would always be waiting for me every Christmas - even after I was grown and had kids of my own - I always had my cherries.

    Well, the first year after my dad died so suddenly and unexpectedly, my mom decided not to have Christmas - she just couldn't bear to celebrate it. She didn't want us to come over - didn't want us to bring her any Chrismas dinner - nothing. Well, that was such a hard Christmas for me - I had just lost my dad, and now my mom didn't want to celebrate. My heart just wasn't in it at all, but of course I went through the motions in our house - mostly for my kids - who were all still living at home at that time. I remember sitting there - kind of numb - just watching everyone else open their gifts, when suddenly someone handed me a box. When I opened it - I burst into tears - but they were the good kind! Mr. C had bought me a box of chocolate coverred cherries, wrapped it, and put it under the tree for me from my mom and dad. Dang - I still tear up just thinking about that day and it was four years ago! That meant the absolute world to me, as it reminded me that traditions and love live on, long after our loved ones are gone. To this day - whether Mr. C or one of my kids puts it there - my chocolate covered cherries are always waiting for me on Christmas morning - and it is such a sweet reminder not only of my parents, but also of their love that lives on - and flows through - me and my family.
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  8. #58
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Quote Originally Posted by chrelsey;2712281;
    I, too, have lost both of my parents - my mom a little more than a year ago, and my dad four years ago. Honestly, it's still hard without them, and a day doesn't go by that I don't think about and miss them - but never moreso than at Christmas.

    But there are so many good memories - so I just try to hang onto those, and know that I will always have those memories to warm me when it's cold . . . or I'm lonely . . . or both.

    You know, it was a running tradition in my family that my mom and dad would always wrap a box of chocolate covered cherries and have it under the tree for me. I love chocolate covered cherries, and no matter what, that was one gift I KNEW would always be waiting for me every Christmas - even after I was grown and had kids of my own - I always had my cherries.

    Well, the first year after my dad died so suddenly and unexpectedly, my mom decided not to have Christmas - she just couldn't bear to celebrate it. She didn't want us to come over - didn't want us to bring her any Chrismas dinner - nothing. Well, that was such a hard Christmas for me - I had just lost my dad, and now my mom didn't want to celebrate. My heart just wasn't in it at all, but of course I went through the motions in our house - mostly for my kids - who were all still living at home at that time. I remember sitting there - kind of numb - just watching everyone else open their gifts, when suddenly someone handed me a box. When I opened it - I burst into tears - but they were the good kind! Mr. C had bought me a box of chocolate coverred cherries, wrapped it, and put it under the tree for me from my mom and dad. Dang - I still tear up just thinking about that day and it was four years ago! That meant the absolute world to me, as it reminded me that traditions and love live on, long after our loved ones are gone. To this day - whether Mr. C or one of my kids puts it there - my chocolate covered cherries are always waiting for me on Christmas morning - and it is such a sweet reminder not only of my parents, but also of their love that lives on - and flows through - me and my family.

    Chrelsey, your post brought tears and smiles. My dad always bought me petit fours from Swiss Colony. I LOVE petit fours. Well, I hadn't even really thought about them that first Christmas after he passed. My dad's sister and her family were acutally coming for Christmas at my house that year. We usually got together the weekend before or after, but that year, they could come on Christmas day. My aunt hands me a wrapped package and its Petit Fours from Swiss Colony. The weird thing is that she did not know her brother, my dad had been giving me those for years. I started crying and she had NO idea why. When I told her, she was stunned and said: "I just had such a strong urge to buy these for you". She has given me Petit Fours now every Christmas since then.

    How interesting that there is a similar tradition in our families with gifts
    like that.

    We have another similar story. When I was a year old for my birthday, my great-aunt worked for a florist, so she made me a coursage of 3 sweetheart rose buds. They are tiny. And then later, she dried them and put them in a shadow box for me that has hung in my room since I was a y ear old.

    When my daughter was turning one, my mom (unbeknownst to me) went to the florist to order a coursage for her and when she did, the owner said: " I was working here and I remember when Dot made the one for your daughter when she turned one. Please let me make it on the house as my gift to your granddaughter in memory of her great-great-aunt". It was very touching and it had been 30 years since my aunt had made the one for me. She had died when my daughter was 6 months old, but I have to wonder if she would have gotten the coursage herself. Something tells me she would have.
    But it was amazing that the owner remembered that. (she wasn't the owner back when I got my coursage, she later bought the shop from the original owner).
    And yes, we have that one dried and in a shadow box as well.
    Last edited by MRD; 12-09-2007 at 10:43 AM.
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  9. #59
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    chrelsey and mrd, both of your posts had me in tears.

    I remember the first Christmas after my dad had died. My brother was given my dad's watch after he died. My whole family was at my mom's house and we had finished opening up all the gifts and suddenly my dad's watch alarm started beeping for no reason...the alarm was never set when my dad was alive and we didn't know how to set it ourselves. It beeped 5 or 6 times and then it stopped. I'm sure the looks on our faces were priceless. We all just sat there for a few seconds and then we all busted out crying. We felt it was daddy's way of saying that he was there with us. It still gives me chills to think about it!
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    I lost my mom this year, but feel she is quite happy where she is at - with my father. until now, I have been dealing quite well. But I do realize I am very lonely. Mom passed the end of August, and my 25 yo son moved off to college right before that. Hubby is around, and very supportive. I work from home, so don't have the old work social life.
    and I'm just feeling lonely. I miss having her to talk to.

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