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Thread: Losing a Mom

  1. #461
    Got wings 9/19/2012 buglover's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    After 11 years, I still miss her every day. Now that I'm getting older I'm beginning to freak out over every pain I have during ovulation and menstruation. I know it's normal as I age but having lost my mother to ovarian cancer, I'm a friggin' mess! Top it off with my son's cancer...........I expect a bus to drive through my bedroom one day! lol... To all of those who have lost a mom or loved one, find some joy this season. It is hard but they will be very happy you are living life and feeling some joy!

    It's weird because going through pictures of the last couple of years of her life, I can actually see that she was ill. I didn't see it then but I definitely see there was something terribly wrong now. Namaste all!
    Yup, with donuts!!

  2. #462
    everything under the sun lopevian's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Namaste, bug.

  3. #463
    FORT Fogey nennie's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Today I went back to the nursing home for a memorial to the ones that passed away this year. They gave the family a stocking with their name and year on it and when they called my mom's name I about lost it. I had already been thinking about her not being here this Christmas and was having a hard time with it. Gonna be a great big void this year.
    You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.

  4. #464
    I won't forget Cootie's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Shyra, bug, nennie, pikachu and dear lopevian,

    We are certainly of one mind here, aren't we! This is one of the tough times of year for missing our moms. And for nennie, it is especially hard as it is your first year. I will be thinking of you.

    On a positive note - do you have any special way you celebrate the holidays that is like something your mom used to do? Do you buy gifts during the year and hide them, even from yourself? My mom used to do that. I found things she had bought for my family tucked away in interesting places for many years after she died. We had fun deciding who they were for. Usually it was easy to figure out, because she was great at figuring out things we would like.

    I always mention here that we celebrate our holidays with mimosas for brunch and toast my mom. It is a bit funny, because my mom didn't really drink. But I like to think that if she had lived long enough, she would have enjoyed a little champagne for breakfast a couple of times a year...

  5. #465
    FORT Fogey Lizard's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Buglover You are exactly right. The one thing your mother would have wanted is for you to see joy in everyday. Things other than your son's illness that rob us of joy are not real anyway. I have always wanted God to talk to me. He has not directly, nor through meditation. But my dreams seem to be answering my questions....so it comes slowly when we trust in God and let go of fear (which only serves to paralyze and rob us of joy). Namaste.
    You can do it!

  6. #466
    FORT Fogey Lizard's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    When our lights are put together, there is great light.
    lopevian likes this.
    You can do it!

  7. #467
    FORT Fogey Add It Up Champion famita's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Hugs to you all. I'm still blessed with my mom. She's getting up there in years now and she's started to change. She doesn't care what comes out of her mouth now, but I love her.
    lopevian likes this.

  8. #468
    Best Ever Pool Runner Angry Birds Champion, Rancho Ice Racer Champion pikachu's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    It actually helped me that my dad remarried and we have all new family holiday traditions. I think it would depress me to do the things I used to do with my mom, knowing she's not here anymore, so it's been refreshing to have a new start, a new family, new traditions to enjoy.

    We had a rough start the first Christmas because my stepmother gave her kids and me condoms in our Christmas stockings. I let her know that it offended me on many levels and she hasn't done that since. Maybe her children are promiscuous and will use them or think it's funny but it bothered me. I left mine at her house.

    The last several Christmases have been nice, though. I made cookies and candy to bring, we rented a bunch of movies to watch, and everyone helped put together the holiday meal and decorate the tree.

  9. #469
    everything under the sun lopevian's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Nennie, I know just how overcome you felt at the nursing home. That is a really beautiful thing the nursing home does for the families. The church where my Mom's funeral was held had a mass for the families that had funerals there in 2006. They had a display on the altar, can't remember what it looked like. I remember they had lovely white banners with gold writing on them, with the names of each person. When a name was read, the banner was placed onto the display. It really wasn't a celebration of any sort, as all in attendance were crying and very sad. But months later, I was able to appreciate what a beautiful ceremony it had been. When they read Mom's name aloud though, oh man...floodgates. I know how painful a moment that was for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers this holiday season. Don't feel like Scrooge if you want to skip it this year, and wait until next. When the first Christmas came about after my Mom died it was three days shy of the first anniversary of her passing, and I can't recall exactly what I did, but I do remember that it wasn't much at all. Just too painful. Whatever you can manage, I wish you peace, and strides in your healing in the new year to come.

    Cootie, your Mom would have enjoyed a yearly sip. My Mom didn't drink much at all, either. When she went to a Mexican restaurant though, she always had a Margarita. She was even funnier with the tequilla in her. I love how your family remembers your dear Mom.

    Pikachu, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, and I hope your sister can reconnect. If not, you are handling the situation with her in really the only viable way you can. Best wishes to your famliy. My Dad is still pretty much in a bad place, and I suspect he will be for the remainder of his days. I'm there for him, that's the best I can do. Last week we watched My Fair Lady together, and when the song I've Grown Accustomed to Her Face was sung, he came apart. It was the lines..."her smiles, her frowns, her ups, her downs are second nature to me now, like breathing out and breathing in"...it just crushed him. We both cried. Then we went to Tommy's for a cheeseburger, and were laughing at stories of his wonderful and remarkable wife. (I am biased, of course. ) That's how it goes. I love him very much.

    Best wishes to all this season...

  10. #470
    9/11/2001 NEVER FORGET. Ten Pin Bowling Champion, Bookworm Champion Eastcoastmom's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Quote Originally Posted by buglover View Post
    After 11 years, I still miss her every day. Now that I'm getting older I'm beginning to freak out over every pain I have during ovulation and menstruation. I know it's normal as I age but having lost my mother to ovarian cancer, I'm a friggin' mess! Top it off with my son's cancer...........I expect a bus to drive through my bedroom one day! lol... To all of those who have lost a mom or loved one, find some joy this season. It is hard but they will be very happy you are living life and feeling some joy!

    It's weird because going through pictures of the last couple of years of her life, I can actually see that she was ill. I didn't see it then but I definitely see there was something terribly wrong now. Namaste all!
    Re the bolded part: my mom died in 1987 at age 55 of complications from scleroderma. My eldest was 2 and she never met my second son nor my niece. She was heavy all of her life and struggled with losing weight. She tried everything but could never take the weight off. She even went to diet doctors whom I suspect prescribed some type of amphetamine. So, in the last stages of her disease and the last two years of her life, she was finally skinny. She went from a size 22 to a size 5. I remember how upset I was when she didn't want to come to my son's 2nd birthday party. She lived but a mile or so away and I was going to pick her up and set her down in the recliner. Finally she acquiesced and came to the party, which was just for my son's playmates and young cousins... just a few kids. Looking back at the photos I cannot believe how ill she looked and how badly I felt when I sort of forced her to come. She was on oxygen at that point and being her primary caretaker, I guess I didn't see how ill she really was as I saw her every day. In the beginning after her passing I missed all the things a young mother would miss by not having her mom around. I missed her coming to the mall with me and strolling her grandson in the carriage. I missed her not being around when he started school. She never was able to take him to the park and show him off. So many, many things. She went into the hospital to have a gastric feeding tube inserted as she was wasting away and unable to swallow at that point. She passed later that night. It's 24 years since she's been gone and not a day goes by that I don't miss her.

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