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Thread: Losing a Mom

  1. #451
    FORT Fogey
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Quote Originally Posted by lopevian View Post
    Believe though he may, I think his pain is still just too thick for Mom to get through. In the meantime, I welcome any messages and/or tasks Mom see fit for me to deliver.
    Lovely story lopevian! and I whole heartedly agree that perhaps your Mom is trying to tell him things, but he doesn't hear her.... it's when you are "not' looking for a sign, that you often get it. And, life can be quite noisy and distracting at times....
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  2. #452
    everything under the sun lopevian's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Poppy Fields, my deepest condolences to your husband, to both of you. I cannot imagine how tough it must be, losing both parents in a years time. I hope that he is coping as best as possible. I am very touched that you read the post to him, and I hope it brought him a measure of comfort. My condolences to you and your sister for the loss of your precious Mom. They do assist us, in ways that sometimes don't even register on any level. It's a wonderful feeling when it happens.

    Mountaingirl70, life sure can be "noisy and distracting". I will remind Dad of that, as currently he prefers noisy and distracting to the quiet. The quiet may look a lot more appealing to him after hearing that. Thank you for the reminder about life!

  3. #453
    Best Ever Pool Runner Angry Birds Champion, Rancho Ice Racer Champion pikachu's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    My mom died in 2006 and it felt like my life prior to that date died then, too.

    My sister was never very close to our family even before my mom died but she at least kept up minimal contact (birthdays and holidays) for my mom's sake. After the funeral, my sister has had pretty much nothing to do with my dad and me. We don't know what we ever did to incur her wrath and frankly, I'm done trying to force her to be my sister. If she ever wants to rebuild our relationship, she knows where I am. We live in the same town.

    My dad remarried, which was kind of a blessing for me. I wasn't going to be able to handle taking care of him on top of managing my own life. His new wife is very different from my mom so that's taken some adjusting to. She has two kids, slightly younger than me. So I lost my natural sister and gained two step siblings who seem interested in getting to know me.

    It's hard driving around town, seeing places I used to go to with my mom. The worst one is the hospital where I was born and where she died. For about a year after her death, I avoided driving past that hospital because it was too emotionally painful and brought back too many sad memories of her last day.

    Mother's Day is still very difficult for me. I see commercials on tv for gifts you can get your mom, activities to do together, families getting together for her day, etc, and while other families are celebrating with their moms, I'm reminded that my mom is gone. I'll never see her face again, never share another holiday with her, never get to give her one more hug and tell her I love her.

    She never saw me get married (I'm still single), never got to see me have children of my own (I just had a hysterectomy because of health problems).

    My mom was only 57 when she died from cancer. I feel like she was taken from us way too soon and it's not fair. Although, I suppose I should be thankful I had her in my life as long as I did. Other children have moms who are alcoholic or abusive and cause a lot of damage in their lives. The time I had with my mom might have been short in quantity but it wasn't short in quality. She was a great mother!

  4. #454
    everything under the sun lopevian's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    My condolences to you, pilachu. My Mom passed away in 2006 as well, at the very end of that year. I've been working on a little video about my Mom. It's mostly still photography filmed with pans and zooms. The music has been selected and timed, some nice selections...music that reminds me of Mom. There will also be video of Mom in it, with her voice, her laugh. Going over the numerous hours of video, finding the one's that best captured all that made her so special...it was pretty heavy at first, but now the whole entire project has been really helpful for me. I combined the "doable" aspects of grieving with a diversion that helped to temper those very aspects of grief.

    My heart really goes out to you.

  5. #455
    Best Ever Pool Runner Angry Birds Champion, Rancho Ice Racer Champion pikachu's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Thanks, Lopevian. I appreciate your condolences.

    You're braver than me to be able to work on a video of your mom! After all this time, I still can't bear to look at photographs or videos of my mom. I can distance myself from the pain of losing her enough to talk about her but seeing images takes me back to my former life and makes me painfully aware of my loss. Maybe in time I'll be able to take comfort in images of her again.

    What a wonderful tribute to your mother you're putting together. It's great that you're able to direct your grief in a creative way to make an enduring testament to her. Future generations will be able to watch it and maybe get a better sense of who she was.
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  6. #456
    fortfan shyra's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    My mom also died in 2006 in January. I was lucky enough to spend 3 months with her, taking care of her and it was hard to watch her deteriorate but I would do it all over again. My dad passed in 1997 at the age of 63. For me, my dads death was more hard on me then my mom's only because he was such a busy man and then he retired the year before finally and only had a few months to enjoy it before cancer came. Before my parents, I lost 2 of my brothers and my 3rd brother and I are not close at all and I haven't talked to him since my mom died in 2006.

    I can look at pictures of my parents now and I am not as sad because I know they are no longer in pain, it also makes me smile to remember where the pictures were taken and how much love they had between each other.
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  7. #457
    I won't forget Cootie's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Pikachu, I don't know if it will help you to read this entire thread, but if you do you will find that many of us really do understand your pain. My mom died 10 years ago and I still feel the way you do, but about other things. For instance, I cannot stand the thought of owning a nightgown after buying them for my mom when she was in a coma for 15 months. I had to modify them so that she could be dressed in them easily. But we wanted her to look her best and to be comfortable. I may wear sweats and t-shirts to bed for the rest of my life as the idea of nightgowns brings back those sad memories of my mom and they are still difficult to bear.

    The best thing I ever did to make myself heal from missing my mom was to share stories about her here in this discussion. It took me many years to join in(I've lurked on FORT since 2003) and amazingly, even though I have never met any of you here, you have helped me lessen the pain and to simply celebrate the power and influence moms have on our lives. None of our moms were perfect, but when we understand the qualities that we miss in our moms, I think it can help us to lead richer lives in how we treat others and how we live our own lives. I hope this helps you somehow. Your mom was very young when she died. That is so sad. I hope that you can begin to feel better soon and hopefully be filled with happy memories of your time with her.

  8. #458
    everything under the sun lopevian's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Shyra, so sorry to read about the loss of your precious Mom, also in the year 2006. I am glad you had those three months to take care of her, and I also know how difficult it was for you. The last nine weeks of my Mom's life were spent helping to care for her, and it was so painful to watch her struggle. I am still in awe of her courage, and always will be. One thing that struck me the most was how she was devoid of fear. She had no fear of dying. She didn't want to, but her faith was such that death was an okay prospect, as she would be reunited with her parents, her two brothers, and most dear of all, her son Billy. My condolences to you on the loss of your father. I wish he had many more years to enjoy his family and retirement. That you have also lost two brothers is just truly heartbreaking. That is a lot of loss to carry in your heart. It's the hardest thing we humans do in life...saying goodbye to cherished loved ones. I hope upon hope that in the afterlife we will be with them once more, and for all eternity. I think that is what makes heaven "heavenly".

    Pikachu, it took awhile to get to those videos. What ultimately made it easier to do was looking at this wonderful woman, and seeing a lady who was old. I was very fortunate to have had her in my life for fifty years. My heart just breaks for all those here who lost their Moms at a young age. Also, I hope that your sister finds her way back into your life. Best wishes to you, always.

    Cootie, your posts always put a lump in my throat..a good lump. I understand your feelings about nightgowns. For me, oddly I suppose, it's still Tide laundry detergent. Whenever I see a box, my eyes tear up. My hubby has taken over the buying of the laundry soap, and any other soap we need that is in that particular aisle of the supermarket. Thank you for all your wonderfully eloquent posts. They are a testament to the Mom you had. She raised a kind hearted, empathetic daughter.

  9. #459
    fortfan shyra's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    lopevain, I swear we had the same mother....my mom had no fear of dying either and was okay with it, towards the very end she said she was ready to go and be out of pain and see everyone that is already there in Heaven.

  10. #460
    everything under the sun lopevian's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Yes, shyra, sounds like we had the same Mom. What lucky daughters we were, we are! The holidays are difficult. There's joy, sure, but there's also that void. Hope everyone missing a loved one this holiday season can take comfort in the memories.

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