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Thread: Losing a Mom

  1. #421
    everything under the sun lopevian's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    buglover, I did make it to the sing-a-long. Was hoarse for a few days I sang so loud. My Mom and I used to watch The Sound of Music together at least once a year. We both agreed that, in our opinion, the first kiss between Maria and Georg was one of the most romantic kisses in cinematic history. When I watch the movie now, I feel both close and so very far away from my Mom. Namaste, bug, I love you.

    Poppy Fields & Columbia, MD, my condolences to you on the loss of your precious Moms. There is an old Irish saying, I can't recall it exactly, but I do remember the line about loving your Mom "though she is old and grey...because you'll never miss a Mother's love more than when she's buried 'neath the clay".

    Velvet, my heart goes out to you. I wish I knew what to say to make it all better, but I know that is not how life works. Like Columbia said, not all of the memories are particularly pleasant. My Mom and I butted heads for many years, but I treasure those memories just the same because they helped to form the bond we eventually enjoyed so much. It broke my heart to read of the loss of your Dad at such a young age, and to be denied a chance to visit him. Your Mom could have been trying to protect you, or perhaps she wanted you to remember your Daddy active, and not in a scary hospital bed. It is understandable, your turning away from "God". When my brother died at age 35, my uncle (who was a Priest) said "God wanted him", and I said, "well then by all means I sure as hell hope God is happy he got what he wanted!". My uncle looked at me as though I were a heathen. Maybe I am. God's "wants" are hard to reconcile. I so wish for you love, warmth and happiness. You are a beautiuful person.

    Thanksgiving just ain't Thanksgiving without Mom's pumpkin pie and her incredible stuffing.

    Blessings to all, and a very Happy Thanksgiving.

  2. #422
    I won't forget Cootie's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Nicely said, Lopevian. My mom and I did have our moments that were not positive. I learned so many things from my mom. Some were about what I didn't want to do as a parent. But I understand that my mom just did the best she could. I most appreciate how hard she worked for her family and community and how she loved all her children, no matter how difficult we could be! She never gave up on us, even if we did things that she disagreed with. I know that she looked for the goodness in all of us. So that is what I choose to emulate in her honor.

    Velvet Red, I am sorry to hear about your experiences with your mom. I hope that at some point you can find some good things to reflect on to ward off those negative feelings. I hope for the best for you.

  3. #423
    everything under the sun lopevian's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Quote Originally Posted by Cootie;4114701;
    Nicely said, Lopevian. My mom and I did have our moments that were not positive. I learned so many things from my mom. Some were about what I didn't want to do as a parent. But I understand that my mom just did the best she could. I most appreciate how hard she worked for her family and community and how she loved all her children, no matter how difficult we could be! She never gave up on us, even if we did things that she disagreed with. I know that she looked for the goodness in all of us. So that is what I choose to emulate in her honor.
    What a beautiful description of a Mother's love. There's no other love like it on Earth. I am not a Mom, but if I were, I would hope to have a child describe me as you just described your Mother.

  4. #424
    FORT Fogey
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    [QUOTE=Cootie;4114701;]Nicely said, Lopevian. My mom and I did have our moments that were not positive. I learned so many things from my mom. Some were about what I didn't want to do as a parent. But I understand that my mom just did the best she could. I most appreciate how hard she worked for her family and community and how she loved all her children, no matter how difficult we could be! She never gave up on us, even if we did things that she disagreed with. I know that she looked for the goodness in all of us. So that is what I choose to emulate in her honor. /QUOTE]


    Cootie - you said exactly what a lot of us feel. Our moms were not perfect and some of us have chosen not to emulate some of their traits, but just knowing they loved us and did what they thought was right is enough to put away any bad memories and focus on the good ones. My mom was not perfect, and neither am I (as my kids have reminded me a couple of times), but I also loved my kids and did the best I could. Cheers!!

  5. #425
    FORT Fogey Dragonlady's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    I have read so many of these posts here about everyone losing a dear mother. I did not have a "good" mother at all so that part is hard for me to relate to.
    What does bother me is that I am so close with my daughter and we have a truly blessed relationship so I worry about how much pain it will cause her when I go. I know that's silly because everyone expects to lose their mother sometime and know that it will be extremely difficult.

    I guess, as mothers, we would like to "save' our children from everything unpleasant but going thru hard times is how we learn and grow and we can't nor should we always "save" them.
    I also worry about becoming a frail, needy, dependent old woman that she will have to care for and I hate that too.
    I think I probably worry too much.

  6. #426
    Got wings 9/19/2012 buglover's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    thedragonlady, that makes you 1.) a human being and 2.) a great mom for thinking of those things. We all worry about our kids even when it comes to what we might burden them with.
    Yup, with donuts!!

  7. #427
    MRD
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Quote Originally Posted by thedragonlady;4117035;
    I have read so many of these posts here about everyone losing a dear mother. I did not have a "good" mother at all so that part is hard for me to relate to.
    What does bother me is that I am so close with my daughter and we have a truly blessed relationship so I worry about how much pain it will cause her when I go. I know that's silly because everyone expects to lose their mother sometime and know that it will be extremely difficult.

    I guess, as mothers, we would like to "save' our children from everything unpleasant but going thru hard times is how we learn and grow and we can't nor should we always "save" them.
    I also worry about becoming a frail, needy, dependent old woman that she will have to care for and I hate that too.
    I think I probably worry too much.
    My mom's been gone for almost 10 years. The pain turns into fond memories after a while. Your daughter will always miss you. But she'll have so many happy memories to keep with her. Just trust that. It's how I do it.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  8. #428
    FORT Fogey Dragonlady's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Quote Originally Posted by myrosiedog;4118723;
    My mom's been gone for almost 10 years. The pain turns into fond memories after a while. Your daughter will always miss you. But she'll have so many happy memories to keep with her. Just trust that. It's how I do it.
    Thank you, buglover and myrosiedog for your kind words. I know you're both right. I'm still coming off from a period where my father died one year, my mother the next year and my 35 yr old son the year after that. All that packed quite a wallop and although it's easing up, I'm still spinning from it all. I think that is why I keep worrying about my daughter when I go. Having my brother helped me when the parents died but she doesn't have hers anymore.
    But I know that she's strong, has a good husband and lots of good friends so she'll be ok. Moms just worry....always. They are trying for a baby and I hope that happens soon because it'll make it better for her to have her own kids.

  9. #429
    Got wings 9/19/2012 buglover's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Ok, you all know how much I'm going through with Victor's cancer and treatments, and stuff. These are the times when I wish my mother were here to help me with some of the burden. I know it would never be her responsibility, but she would have gladly taken over the travel, days away from home, doctor visits...everything. She's not here and I sort of feel good and bad about that. I'm glad she never had to know my son was terminal, to have to deal with the ups and downs of these things but I miss her help and guidance. Love you mom and miss you lots!
    Yup, with donuts!!

  10. #430
    I won't forget Cootie's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Bug, we can't replace your Mom, but those of us who have lost our moms can surely understand the lost of that mentor and hopefully we can support you in some meaningful way. What I loved about my mom's guidance was that she was so non-threatening and accepting, even when I did some things that were outside her comfort level! She stuck with me and trusted me. So very important in a relationship.

    I feel for you and wish that I did live near enough to help you with Victor-support! I know that you are trying to be everything positive to everyone, but that the effort of working at a job and doing all those drives to the hospital and appts has to be taxing. Please know that I keep you in my thoughts every day

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