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Thread: Losing a Mom

  1. #411
    Vidiot 13 is a Winner Champion Poppy Fields's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    My mom's been gone 9 years, but there are still mornings when I'm in that state between sleeping and waking that I reach for the bedside phone because I need to call her and tell her something.

    My heart goes out to all of you whose moms are not with you, particularly now when you are full of holiday memories of her and, maybe preparing her recipes.

    God bless you all.
    "Blessed is the lonesome pioneer." -- Judee Sill (1973, "There's a Rugged Road")

  2. #412
    Got wings 9/19/2012 buglover's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Isn't that the worst Poppy? My mom has been gone a decade and I still reach for the phone. When I wake up from dreams of her, I really just want to go back to sleep to spend more time with her!
    Yup, with donuts!!

  3. #413
    Vidiot 13 is a Winner Champion Poppy Fields's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Quote Originally Posted by buglover;4112613;
    Isn't that the worst Poppy? My mom has been gone a decade and I still reach for the phone. When I wake up from dreams of her, I really just want to go back to sleep to spend more time with her!
    It is the worst. It makes me want to learn lucid dreaming so I could spend some more of my dream state with her.
    "Blessed is the lonesome pioneer." -- Judee Sill (1973, "There's a Rugged Road")

  4. #414
    FORT Fogey
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    My mom's been gone since 1994. She lived a long and productive life and died at age 91. I still talk to her in my own silent way, and I somehow feel she hears me. I have some of her personal things, and sometimes just hold them and they remind me of her and bring back good memories.

    My dad's been gone since 1992. He was almost 91. I talk to him too and let him know his grandsons turned out well. I also have some of his things and even his favorite hat and jacket and I can see him puttering in his garden wearing them.

    No, it will never be the same without them, but it is part of life and we all go through it and come out on the other side. Those of us who have wonderful memories should be grateful that we had good parents and not forget what they did for us and how they raised us.

  5. #415
    Got wings 9/19/2012 buglover's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Aww I'm so glad you were able to have so much time with your parents Columbia!!! I never knew my father and my mother passed at 59 within 2 months. Going through what I have been currently having to deal with, I am kind of grateful that we didn't know about her cancer and she passed quickly. This whole thing has been brutal, always knowing what will eventually happen even if it is years away.
    Yup, with donuts!!

  6. #416
    Dreamer VelvetRed's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Those who have only treasurable memories of their mothers are so very fortunate and may not even realize it.

    My mother was an extremely controlling person and did not mother me in a way that was conducive to preparing me for life in the world. I still loved her even though I rebelled. It would have been better if she hadn't married my evil stepfather whom I never liked (he was a family "friend" and college roommate of my beloved father, although I have yet to understand what my father ever saw in him). I liked one guy she dated (Ray) and would have loved it if she had married him. When she told me she was going to marry my stepfather, it took everything I had to choke back my tears as she hugged me. I knew it was not OK to tell her how I really felt...how sad is that for a kid! And then years and years of unhappiness followed.

    I lost my mother 11 years before she died, to Parkinson's Disease, and lost my father when I was 11 years old (to a cerebral hemorrhage). I wanted to go with him when they took him to the hospital, but no. I wanted to go see him in the hospital but no. She came back from the hospital and told me that Jesus had taken my Daddy to be with him, and I said "You mean he's dead!". I know she meant well, but the result was that I became angry at God and gave up on religion for many years until I found my own spirituality.

    I am very, very blue and not really liking the number 11 very much at this moment.
    The Bachelor/Bachelorette series is a soap opera with unskilled actors, bad writing, and beautiful locations...it even edits the real moon!

  7. #417
    FORT Fogey
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Velvet -- Not all my memories of my childhood or of my mom and dad are positive. There are just some things you have to "put in a box and throw it far out into the ocean" and try to remember the good. We had plenty of troubles and many conflicts.

    My sister had a horrible relationship with both my parents; she is bitter and vindictive to this day. What sense is that? It makes her an unpleasant person to be around; she has never been unable to get past it. It has colored her whole life in a negative way.

    Try to recall only the good things, if you can.

  8. #418
    FORT Fogey Sticker's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Velvet,

    I am so sorry that you did not have a much more pleasant upbringing. My prayers are with you today and going forward.

    I can relate to what you have described because of my wife, who had similar experience growing up. I was lucky that my folks were very good people and good to me and my siblings. I mistakenly thought all kids got that, until my wife began to describe her upbringing. Her experiences and mine were drastically different. She has a hard time to this day trying not to be bitter.

    It is so very sad + unfair that just based on the luck of the draw in who we have as parents means so much, and can affect our whole life.

    Hang on Velvet. You will do fine. Please just try to remember that you can now control yourself and you can try to eliminate any bitterness and you can create a happy environment for yourself from now on. I realize this is easier said than done. All we can do is try. And know that the people here support you in your efforts. God Bless.

    Oh, and a Very Happy Thanksgiving to you and everyone else!!!

  9. #419
    FORT Fogey Lil Bit's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    My daughter just called me and asked who in our family would have given her the habit of saying, "Uff-da". I burst out laughing. She told me that she doesn't remember me or her dad saying it much, but she must have picked it up from family because her friends tease her about it all the time, and none of them ever use the "word." My mother passed away when my daughter was only 8 years old, but she is the only family member that I ever remember saying that word, and she said it a lot! That was her only real swear word, as mild as that may seem. Hearing my daughter say that put a smile on my face and brought back such good memories of my mother. Man, I miss her so much!
    History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people. Martin Luther King, Jr.

  10. #420
    Got wings 9/19/2012 buglover's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Lil Bit, my mother and grandmother used to say that all the time too!! Thanks for sharing!
    Yup, with donuts!!

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