Losing a Mom

[inthegarden]

Ace, it was good to hear from you. I had been wondering how you were doing. I know it was hard viewing your mom, that was really hard for me too. I was glad I did because it made my Dad's death a reality. I know that even though I can't talk to him he is still with me everyday and watches over me just like your mom will you. Keep letting us know how you are doing.

[Ace Medallion]

Hey everybody. Having kind of a hard time at the moment. It seems like with time I keep slowly remembering more and more wonderful memories about my Mom and this always causes me to break down. I miss her so much. I can tell I'm still in shock and don't fully believe/understand the whole scope of all this. She's been gone for about a month but it feels like I spoke to her less than a week ago. I just want her back so so badly and it doesn't seem real that she never will be back. I miss her so much it hurts.

btw, thanks for all the kind words!!!

[dagwood]

I'm sorry you are going through this. Just know that it is normal and does get better over time. We are here if you need to talk/vent.

[canuckinchile]

Ace. It is all so fresh and new for you. Like Dags says, time does help. Let yourself grieve and feel what you need to feel. We're here for you.

[in2deep]

I share this with you, to help ease your pain. I wrote this after my mother died - 16 hours after a car accident, we had to make the painful decision to let her go. As it is copyrighted, do not repost anywhere unless you have my permission -

in2deep

On the Opposite Shore


They welcomed her with trumpets
with drums and kazoos and tambourines
singing and laughter and oh, yes, tears
Her mother was there, and her father, and her brother
whom she hadn't seen in so very long
Did I mention the fireworks over the water?
It was a grand homecoming, indeed.

All the while on the opposite shore
we huddled, collectively dumbfounded
stricken by her sudden departure
her loss stuck in our throats
splintering our speech into shards
of inadequate phrases

We stared across the water
aching for her impossible return
wanting a different ending
hoping what we sent had been enough:
a water-worn rock in her hand
some photographs of places she loved
a handful of early spring flowers from the garden
and a pair of dusty rose pajamas with a mandarin collar.
It was all we could do on such short notice.
It was more than she needed for her journey.
It would have to be enough.



Did I mention the fireworks?



2/25/07

[livin4reality]

It's ok AM. Grief ebbs and flows. Grief comes to us in unexpected and expected ways. Be patient and kind to yourself, your mother would want that.

[lopevian]

Hey everybody. Having kind of a hard time at the moment. It seems like with time I keep slowly remembering more and more wonderful memories about my Mom and this always causes me to break down. I miss her so much. I can tell I'm still in shock and don't fully believe/understand the whole scope of all this. She's been gone for about a month but it feels like I spoke to her less than a week ago. I just want her back so so badly and it doesn't seem real that she never will be back. I miss her so much it hurts.

btw, thanks for all the kind words!!!

Ace, I know you are having a hard time. You are in a world of hurt. The first few months are very difficult. I missed my Mom so much, it was like I could never take a full breath. You can't help but think about your Mom all the time, and those very thoughts just make you miss her all the more. You will break down at unexpected times, it will hit you like a giant wave. It can be anything, and it can also be so many things. The first time I went to my parents house after my Mom passed away, it was a box of Tide on top of the washing machine. I cried so hard, just completely broke down at the site of that unfinished box. Later, I realized that for the two months my Mom was in the hospital, my Dad did have clothes washed. My aunt and uncle had stayed at the house for weeks throughout my Mom's health crisis. They washed clothes, too. The box of Tide that broke me down wasn't the last box my Mom ever bought. Over time, I came to understand that the box symbolized the daily minutiae of our lives that we had shared with each other. We spoke every evening. She'd tell me about her day, what she made for dinner, what she heard on the news or read in the paper. She would tell me where she had gone that day, be it the cleaners, the post office, getting her hair done. The week before she became critically ill, she said she had gone to the store, for "laundry soap and bananas". It was such a deep aching, realizing that she was gone, there would be no more life for her to live, nothing more that she would be sharing with her youngest daughter when day was done. That box of Tide said it all, it just took me awhile to understand it.

You will feel like the world is still turning, but you are a step or two out of sync with it. Some days you will feel like you'll never get your equillibrium back. Eventually, photographs and your precious memories will be a comfort, but I completely understand how initially they can be almost too much to bear. Certainly continue to share your feelings here. Many here have walked this sad road, and many more have not, but have a heart full of compassion for you nonetheless. You take care, and let us know how you are doing, at your own pace, of course.

in2deep, what you wrote for your Mom is beautiful. My condolences to you for your loss. Hope you are doing well.

[norealityhere]

Ace,

I am so sorry for your loss. So many of us on here have lost our Moms and are sadly aware of what you're going through.
Please give yourself a lot of time to grieve. And, surround yourself with empathetic people.

[Ace Medallion]

Ace, I know you are having a hard time. You are in a world of hurt. The first few months are very difficult. I missed my Mom so much, it was like I could never take a full breath. You can't help but think about your Mom all the time, and those very thoughts just make you miss her all the more. You will break down at unexpected times, it will hit you like a giant wave. It can be anything, and it can also be so many things. The first time I went to my parents house after my Mom passed away, it was a box of Tide on top of the washing machine. I cried so hard, just completely broke down at the site of that unfinished box. Later, I realized that for the two months my Mom was in the hospital, my Dad did have clothes washed. My aunt and uncle had stayed at the house for weeks throughout my Mom's health crisis. They washed clothes, too. The box of Tide that broke me down wasn't the last box my Mom ever bought. Over time, I came to understand that the box symbolized the daily minutiae of our lives that we had shared with each other. We spoke every evening. She'd tell me about her day, what she made for dinner, what she heard on the news or read in the paper. She would tell me where she had gone that day, be it the cleaners, the post office, getting her hair done. The week before she became critically ill, she said she had gone to the store, for "laundry soap and bananas". It was such a deep aching, realizing that she was gone, there would be no more life for her to live, nothing more that she would be sharing with her youngest daughter when day was done. That box of Tide said it all, it just took me awhile to understand it.

You will feel like the world is still turning, but you are a step or two out of sync with it. Some days you will feel like you'll never get your equillibrium back. Eventually, photographs and your precious memories will be a comfort, but I completely understand how initially they can be almost too much to bear. Certainly continue to share your feelings here. Many here have walked this sad road, and many more have not, but have a heart full of compassion for you nonetheless. You take care, and let us know how you are doing, at your own pace, of course.

in2deep, what you wrote for your Mom is beautiful. My condolences to you for your loss. Hope you are doing well.

I cannot begin to express how well you put everything. My sister did the same thing that you did with the Tide but with a towel hanging in my Mom's bathroom. I had to break it to her that the day after my Mom passed I went to her house and broke down and took a shower so the towel that had made her so sad cause she thought my Mom had used it had actually been used by me. It was a small laugh but mostly as you said I just feel so sad. My sister and I spoke to my mom multiple times throughout the day too, lol, I remember telling her even the most mundane things. I feel that the shock is slowly starting to wear off and I am piece by piece realizing how different my life is without her. It's killing me. I have never felt the type of pain in my heart I have in the last couple of days. I thank you all for replying and making me feel a little better, it really does help hearing about how others have gone through the same same horrible, nightmarish experience.

[buglover]

I will never forget the day I went home after shacking up in my mother's room for over a week after she passed away. When I came back to grandma's house I found she had stripped the bed and washed the sheets! I cannot tell you how furious I was.... it seems silly now but those sheets my mother had slept in and they had not been washed since she entered the hospital. I felt like she was really gone at that point.

Ace, it does get easier to handle but there are always going to be moments where it hits you just as it did the day it happened. Be kind to yourself and never get mad at yourself if you have these moments.... you loved your mother as you will never love another person in your life, she was your mom.