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Thread: Losing a Mom

  1. #371
    FORT Fogey norealityhere's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Ace,

    I am truly sorry for your loss. This thread is quite a godsend, I think. Knowing that it is a shared experience by so many, does help to heal. As my Mom died very young, I got to raise my much younger sister, as a result. So, her death, unfortunately, became a constant daily reminder. The fact that my sister turned out as well as she did, though, was always a testament of my Mom, for me. Her body may have left, but her spirit always remained. And, to this day, the best part of my sister and me, is my Mom.
    Give yourself plenty of time to grieve and avoid people around you who are not as solicitous as they should be. And always remember how truly fortunate you were to have the time with your Mom that you did. Nobody can ever take that away from you.
    I'd also add that there are many places where you can do a tribute to loved ones that have passed. That is also a great way to heal.
    Many of us have mothers up there who are welcoming your Mom, as we write.
    Hugs to you.
    To Thine Own Self Be True

  2. #372
    Got wings 9/19/2012 buglover's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    I like to fill balloons with little notes and release them into the sky on the anniversary of her death. They are little prayers or just I love you and it always makes me feel a little better.
    Yup, with donuts!!

  3. #373
    FORT Fanatic Ace Medallion's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Ellen, Inthegarden, dagwood, cootie, myrosiedog, famita, scoutmom, and norealityhere-Thank you so much for the kind words. I've been having a terribly hard time and reading all your sweet replies truely put a smile on my face. I saw my Mom for the first time on Monday and it was not easy. It didn't look like her at all, reminded me of what it would look like if we had got a wax figure made of her. It's still SOOOOOOOOOOO hard to accept I will never be able to talk to her. We used to talk up to 5 times a day. I feel like I will be able to get through with never seeing her again, it's the never talking to her and hearing her opinions that is killing me. Today is the funeral. Yes, I know it's strange we chose April Fools Day. It was only after the fact that we realized her funeral would be on April 1st, lol, but somehow it comforts me because my mom LOVED to laugh and I feel like if she is somewhere she's laughing about it. It still hasn't sunk in all the way, I still feel like this is a joke and she has to be alive and well somewhere. I just can't believe all this.

  4. #374
    Shoveling the ocean MissThing's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Quote Originally Posted by Ace Medallion;3399939;
    Ellen, Inthegarden, dagwood, cootie, myrosiedog, famita, scoutmom, and norealityhere-Thank you so much for the kind words. I've been having a terribly hard time and reading all your sweet replies truely put a smile on my face. I saw my Mom for the first time on Monday and it was not easy. It didn't look like her at all, reminded me of what it would look like if we had got a wax figure made of her. It's still SOOOOOOOOOOO hard to accept I will never be able to talk to her. We used to talk up to 5 times a day. I feel like I will be able to get through with never seeing her again, it's the never talking to her and hearing her opinions that is killing me. Today is the funeral. Yes, I know it's strange we chose April Fools Day. It was only after the fact that we realized her funeral would be on April 1st, lol, but somehow it comforts me because my mom LOVED to laugh and I feel like if she is somewhere she's laughing about it. It still hasn't sunk in all the way, I still feel like this is a joke and she has to be alive and well somewhere. I just can't believe all this.
    AM, I'm sorry I haven't posted in here before. My mom died when I was 29, I'm 58 now, and I still talk to her (we didn't live geographically close). Some days, even after all these years, I feel as if she's with me all the time. I even still wake up from dreams and say to myself that I have to call her and let her know about that one.

    Many people here are thinking of you (I have been since you first posted, but was simply negligent in letting you know). Time doesn't make it better, exactly, it just makes it more of a fact of your existence.
    Papi on being tested for steroids: "All they are going to find is a lot of rice and beans."
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  5. #375
    FORT Fogey ScoutMom's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    It sounds like your mom had a great sense of humor; I think she'd appreciate her funeral being held on April Fool's Day. I'll be thinking of you and your family today, Ace.

  6. #376
    FORT Fogey famita's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    ace, as time goes on, you might feel the humor in it being April Fool's day. Take one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time, and so on. Take all the time in the world that you need to process this loss. I'm glad you have the joy of your mother's humor to help you!

  7. #377
    FORT Regular Redlady's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Ace - so sorry to hear about your loss. While you may never be able to talk to your Mom again, she's obviously left such wonderful memories and impressions with you that as the years go on, I'm sure you'll find yourself saying "if mom was here she would say ..... or Mom would love this." I know it's not the same, but she will never leave you. Her memory and words will always be there to provide you comfort, love and understanding.
    Some people are like slinkies. Not really good for anything useful, but they bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
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  8. #378
    Got wings 9/19/2012 buglover's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Ace - be sure to pay attention to your dreams. When my mother passed away, that night my son had a wonderful dream of walking in a field full of flowers. He recalled everything in the dream and he was only 8. My mom comes to me in dreams a lot. Most of the time they are dreams to show me that had she lived, she would have been ill all the time and I would have had to care for her 24/7. I can't tell you how many dreams I have had where I was out looking for my mother because she had wandered off. She will come to you and hold your hand. She's now your guardian angel. Namaste
    Yup, with donuts!!

  9. #379
    everything under the sun lopevian's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Ace, my sincere and heartfelt condolences to and your family on the loss of your precious Mom. You are still in shock, inside that blessed cloud that numbs us for a month or so, so we can function at a difficult and very painful time. My heart goes out to you. I wish you strength, and the comfort that will eventually be found in memories and photographs. Your are just passed the entrance to a dark tunnel that you must go through. But you're not alone. Know that we will be here to help you through.

  10. #380
    I won't forget Cootie's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Ace Medallion, it was good to hear from you again. I have been thinking of you and hope that the funeral went smoothly and that you got to celebrate your wonderful mom with others who cared for her, too. I met people at my mom's funeral who told me stories that made me both proud but even more sad that she was gone. It is complicated to lose a mom.

    As for the viewing, that is tough. We had my mom wear a very becoming dress and they did a good job on her hair, so I felt comforted by her appearance as she had a rough time before she died, but it is so hard to look! The way we see our moms has lots to do with how they make us feel. That unconditional acceptance that I felt from my mom was golden.

    Your mom's opinions are probably right inside of you if you ask yourself what you would ask her... it is a lonelier conversation, for a fact. But like MissThing says, you can still carry on. I find that certain things we both liked really trigger the need to talk, maybe that is why I mutter to myself so much these days!

    I hope you can get some rest now that the funeral is over. This time will be challenging for you and your family and the stress can wear on each person differently, so I hope for a smooth path for you as you get used to this new reality.

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