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Thread: Losing a Mom

  1. #351
    I won't forget Cootie's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Quote Originally Posted by Bunny555;3295995;
    This made me smile. I hope they're saying nice things about us to each other. I can just see my Mom bringing up the time I tried making candles when my parents weren't home and poured hot wax down the kitchen sink.
    My mom would be sharing the time (at age 9) that I learned what "elbow grease" meant after I tried to make popcorn, using corn syrup instead of oil to pop the corn.

  2. #352
    Over and Out! Bunny555's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    I'm sorry paridy. It is hard. My parents were killed together by a drunk driver when I was 17. I can't say that it gets easier to deal with because it doesn't but we are their children and there is no way that they would want us to curl up and die mourning them! They gave us life and as much as we miss them, we are not honoring our parents if we loose quality of life by living in the past. My parents both lost their parents at an early age and I just remember them telling me that life is so short and to live in the moment. You have a lot of support here paridy
    Last edited by Bunny555; 01-30-2009 at 02:45 AM.

  3. #353
    MRD
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Bunny I so agree. I think the best way I can honor the memory of my parents is to live my life in a way they would be proud of.
    Besides, I really think if I took to my bed and mourned them forever, they'd come back to haunt me and that would scare the you know what out of me.

    Paridy, it does get better. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but I have come to realize that life goes on. In my case it had too. When my folks died, my daughter was young and I had to go on for her. But we will always miss them. But as the time goes on, you figure out ways to live with the loss.
    Even though my aunt passing was a real blow to me this week (I feel as if my childhood has disappeared as there is no one left that knew me as a child. Knew when I lost my first tooth, learned to ride a bike, etc), and I will miss her. She also would be mad as heck if she knew I was grieving overly much. She was such a positive person and so spiritual that I know she would tell me that she is in a better place with her loved ones and they will be waiting there for me when it's my turn. She was a wonderful person and touched so many people, but I can't honor her by acting in a way she would have never approved of. My parents either.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  4. #354
    Got wings 9/19/2012 buglover's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Cry I say!! Cry! If the moment hits me even 8 years later, I just sit down and have a good cry. everyone! Let it all out whenever it hits you. Keeping it inside or trying to figure out why it still feels so fresh is frustrating and can make you sick.
    Yup, with donuts!!

  5. #355
    everything under the sun lopevian's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    paridy, my condolences to you, and a big hug for you. The pain of loss is tremendous. You are in my thoughts and prayers. norealityhere, I loved your post as well. Our Mom's could indeed be swapping stories about their children. That is a comforting, and amusing thought. My condolences to you on the loss of your Mom.

  6. #356
    MRD
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    I didn't mean to lessen anyones feelings by my post. LIke Buglover said, cry if it makes you feel better.

    I have experience a LOT of loss in my life. Besides my parents and grandmothers, I've also lost about 10-11 friends and a great deal of family that I was close too. Because of all that, I've been around a lot of death and grieving and maybe it's maybe me a tad more thickskinned about death.

    There is no right or wrong way to grieve, there is no time limit. However, I also feel that too much crying isn't a good thing either.

    My experiences are obviously personal ones and how I've dealt with them, I have shared in the hopes that it might help someone else.

    I don't mean to cheapen anyone's feelings or discount anyone's loss.

    I think that having endured a lot of loss and seen a lot of suffering beforehand, I have not exactly become cold hearted, but had to learn to be pragmatic about it. I couldn't afford the luxury of curling up in a ball everytime someone close to me died. Others depend on me and I also know how my loved ones felt and I KNOW they wouldn't want me grieving for them for a long time. Yes, I miss them and yes it still hurts. But I've also had to find a way to cope and to survive becuase I couldn't die with them.

    So my own personal coping mechanism is to try to live my life in a way they would be proud of.

    I had a long discussion with my psychiatrist about death today and I shared all this with her and more and she said was actually impressed at how I've dealt with it. She said it's healthy to grieve and feel sad and cry, but said to watch out that it doesn't become the ONLY part of your life. She's all about balance in a lot of things and not just grief.

    Anyway, I'm sorry if I offended anyone. Like I've said before there are no rules to grieving. Everyone does what they have to do or need to do.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  7. #357
    everything under the sun lopevian's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    I'd just like to add that if indeed our Mom's are swapping stories, I'd like to apologize to each of your Mothers, and offer them a contrite "it seemed like a good idea at the time".

  8. #358
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    It is wonderful that we have this place to share our feelings. MRD, your words rang true with me and didn't seem harsh, just your view of how to cope. I have been reading this thread since Lopevian first created it and have always found it to be a consoling place with everyone who writes here showing so much caring and respect for those in need.

    paridy, I can say that those who share here can truly understand your pain in a way that others who haven't experienced the loss of a parent may not understand. I imagine that you are around people in your daily life who are expecting you to get on with life and that you could be feeling lonely with your loss and sadness. I have noticed that while I miss my mom every single day and her illness leading up to her death traumatized me completely, I sort of hide those feelings from my family and friends, thinking they would probably not understand since it was 8 years ago.

    Which is why it is good we have each other here. You have an outlet for your sadness. Hopefully you will find some joy here with us. The thought of my mom hanging with all of your moms cracks me up. I can use those laughs! And an excuse to celebrate the lives of our moms and other special people.

  9. #359
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    I like to post comments in the "What simple things make you happy?" thread and really, what I have to say would fit well there. But I think those of you who read this thread and miss their moms would understand why it makes me happy so I am posting here.

    I got an email from my college-aged daughter today. The first line she wrote was "I am so excited with no one to talk to who would care except for you." She then went on about some class she is signed up for in the spring term and about her summer job. This of course reminded me of myself at all ages when talking to my mom.

    I am happy and grateful to have a daughter who knows I care about her.

  10. #360
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Quote Originally Posted by paridy;3296012;
    I lost my mother just a little over 7 years ago. She was killed in an automobile accident. My dad just passed in October. It has been so hard you have no idea, I still cry at the drop of a hat, I just try to take things one day at a time but it still is hard.
    I am sorry to hear you lost your Mom 7 years ago. I know that your Dad's death was so recent. Take comfort in knowing that all our loved ones are together up there and smiling down on us.

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