Losing a Mom

[Cootie]

Bunny, dreams can really get a hold of you. I am glad you got such a good message out of the dream. I am sure that it is sad to be reminded of your great loss after all this time. I hope you can treasure some good memories and feelings about your mom today that will help those tears go away. I will be thinking of you.

[Bunny555]

Thanks famita and Cootie. Your words meant a lot and it actually did help just to share the dream on here. We all know the holidays are hard when you're missing a piece of your heart and I wish for you peace, joy and the comfort of those around you.

[buglover]

I finally allowed myself to completely break down last night. I cried for almost 2 hours and I did get a major headache but I feel much lighter today. Is it January yet??

[SR5Rfan]

Bug - I'm sorry you had a meltdown but glad that it seems to have helped. When my mom passed away, I had my "moment" just before the funeral was supposed to start. It's better to have had it in the comfort of your own home! I'm sending hugs out your way.

[buglover]

I cry in the car, on the street, at the movies...I'm a huge crier! There are so many things I see my mom in and it does give me tears but it doesn't always bum me out. The holidays always bum me out. She was the glue that brought the family together and always loved Christmas so much she wore big sweaters with all kinds of reindeer, santas, etc on them.

[Cootie]

I cry in the car, on the street, at the movies...I'm a huge crier! There are so many things I see my mom in and it does give me tears but it doesn't always bum me out. The holidays always bum me out. She was the glue that brought the family together and always loved Christmas so much she wore big sweaters with all kinds of reindeer, santas, etc on them.

bug, I imagine that all that crying feels good in that you can spill the emotions inside you and let them go. But at the same time, crying is exhausting too. It sure can tire a person out and when I cry I am worthless for a long time. Hopefully you can get plenty of rest and have nourishment to give you energy.

I wish that the holidays made you feel better like they do me. I still get sad and miss my mom, but the idea of giving to others distracts me from my own loss. I don't overdo the giving, but the act of thinking about my kids, husband and the little kids I work with is healing for me. And I love the lights and many of the decorations. They cheer me up.

I do know that what is good for one of us is not always the right thing for all. I suffer a weird kind of sadness from going through my mom's time in a coma. My dad wanted her to be in her own nightgowns and so I would shop for them and then cut them up the back and sew them so that they could slip on her more easily. My daughter and I would always be on the lookout for the right fabric and style that would work for her as she went through a number of them. Since she died, neither my daughter nor I can wear a nightgown or even look at them in the store. They are somehow a symbol of great sadness for us. When I am think I might get one someday, I end up telling myself that I would rather wear sweats...

I am hoping for you that a bit of joy creeps into your life in the coming weeks to help you feel better. Did you see the Disney movie Pollyana? When she visits an elderly character (I can't remember who that was, a sad old man or woman?) she tries to cheer the person up and ends up hanging crystals from a lamp in the light to cast rainbows around the room - that act of creative kindness is something that has stuck with me since childhood (a long time ago, I am 55!). I have Pollyana instincts, I guess.

Please know that I am thinking of you.

[buglover]

Thanks. It's equally as hard because this is the first year we don't have my Grannie Annie with us for the holidays. It seems strange to have any holiday at a different house, in a different city. We're all going to have to try hard to keep our chins up and try to make new traditions for the rest of our years. My son is 16 and is indifferent about Christmas. He has a couple of items he wants but that's it..... no easy way to surprise teenagers with gifts because they are so darn picky!
I will be seeing my little cousins this year and babies always bring joy!

[famita]

Sometimes, Buglover, I bought my kids what I wanted for them, not what they wanted for themselves. That made a big surprise!

[buglover]

I've been thinking about getting my son an art set since he's such an amazing artist. He can draw and paint like it's writing for me. I'm so proud of his skill and his love for what he does. My mother would have gone out and got him a showing somewhere for sure!

[Bunny555]

The art set is a great idea Bug. It is hard when our little ones grow up and the Christmas magic is gone. I have a 16 year old son too and all he wants is a snowboard which I can't afford right now. He is going to have to wait until after the holiday when they're on sale. My favorite memories of Christmas were times I spent with my parents so I'm looking to get tickets to a concert or comedy show for my kids and I. It's something they won't expect and hopefully it'll be something they remember for a long time.