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Thread: Losing a Mom

  1. #251
    MRD
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    My parents both loved the holidays and did many things to make them special. I now feel it's my responsibility to step into their shoes and make the holiday special for my family. I want my daughter to say that "my mom always made everything so wonderful during the holidays". I guess having had my parents both go when my child was still young made me realize that she was still expecting Santa and stockings and cookies and such, so I was able to put my heart into it for her and my husband and I am carrying on the examples set for me by both of my parents.

    It's hard sometimes. I miss them terribly and I would like to have them around for the holidays, but I feel like they would want me to keep making the holiday's special for everyone, so that's what I do.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  2. #252
    Got wings 9/19/2012 buglover's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    I have tried so many times to actually make the holidays how my mom would have wanted. I never get passed the depression that hits me and end up nearly always feeling down during the time. I'm very lucky my husband is big into making holidays jolly so he takes over once I get grief stricken.
    Yup, with donuts!!

  3. #253
    everything under the sun lopevian's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    That's wonderful, myrosiedog. That's the way to do it. Buglover, I'm glad you have your hubby to help you through.
    Last edited by lopevian; 11-18-2008 at 03:07 PM.

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    Re: Losing a Mom

    mrd, I think it's wonderful that you're carrying on the traditions. Sure, they might not be 100% of what you remember, but think of your daughter in about 25 years when she starts adding to the traditions herself!

    buglover, what a wonderful partnership you and your hubby have! I hope that you are able to enjoy the holidays more.

  5. #255
    Got wings 9/19/2012 buglover's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Oh believe me, for years he never really understood the whole grief pattern. The days when I was just so down I didn't even want to smile actually irritated him to no end! Over the years he has seen the pattern and just goes with it now. He no longer asks me how I'm feeling on certain days, he just does everything he knows I won't push myself to do.
    Yup, with donuts!!

  6. #256
    everything under the sun lopevian's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    I understand the patterns, buglover, and I'm here to help, if I can. Lately, it has been a struggle just to help myself. My husband bailed on me. Just couldn't wait for me to cheer up any longer, I suppose. Whatever. As bad as it hurts, I can't help but think I'm better off already. So much for better or worse. We'll make it through...each one of us.

  7. #257
    I won't forget Cootie's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    I feel a little pang in my chest when I see a new post in the "Losing a Mom" thread. What I feel is sad for you all and an understanding of what you are going through. I should be a veteran at this. My mom died way back in 2001. But it does all tie into our daily lives.

    I have not been too weirded out about Thanksgiving as I have lived away from most of my family for most of my adult life. Most of my Thanksgivings have been small with just my husband and kids. And my husband always cooks the meal on Thanksgiving so it is a day of rest for me!

    But I had a memory today of why this time of year makes me miss my mom so much. Tomorrow is my daughter's birthday (yes, my son's was just a few weeks ago). She was born on our anniversary! I was very nearly born on my own parents' anniversary - missed by one day. So my mom and I had yet another connection. My mom traveled to be with me after her birth. She came to my home just two days after my daughter was born. I was worn out from a long birth and took my daughter to bed with me. My mom had the couch in the little house we lived in. I was so tired that I ended up putting my new baby on the edge of the bed as I fell asleep! I awoke in the middle of the night to find my mom by my bedside catching my baby girl as she rolled off the side of the bed. My mom was that good. She had intuition to spare.

    We had a Thanksgiving meal that year with my mom - it was very simple. What I remember most was that we got up early the day after to go shopping. Left the baby for an hour or so - we snuck out while she and my husband and son were sleeping. We bought little things at the store down the street. A very simple event, but it was my first early morning shopping event and it was something I did for many "Black Fridays" after that as a tradition in memory of that time with my mom.

    My daughter and I do not go shopping early on that day - we started a new tradition a number of years ago in my mom's honor. We donate blood the day after Thanksgiving. It is a good feeling to do something that can save up to three lives! The Red Cross happens to be next door to a shopping center, so we usually wander over to have a little look afterward.

    I am definitely thinking of you all at this time. I don't think others in our lives can understand our grief so we live with it by ourselves. For me, it feels better to do something in her honor. She would be proud of the work I do in my everyday life.

  8. #258
    Got wings 9/19/2012 buglover's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    for all of us! I think without my friends here I would have gone insane years ago. lopevian your husband was not a man if he couldn't stick around... grrrrrr... I really do hope you can find a glimmer of light in the whole situation.

    Cootie, birthdays are always really hard. My daughter's birthday was in July, my son in August 4 days before my mother's passing, then my mother's birthday in Sept., my daughter's passing 6 days after my mother's birthday, then we have Thanksgiving, then my birthday in Dec, then Christmas.... let's just say the end of the year fully sucks for me sometimes.

    You'll learn to find different ways to make things happy, even if it's off and on. Some years I can go and almost not remember my daughter's passing or my mother's passing but other years those days hit me really hard.
    Yup, with donuts!!

  9. #259
    everything under the sun lopevian's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    bug, My heart goes out to you. I hope you'll make it through the holidays, and have some smiles and some good, even great, times. I'll keep an out for glimmers. Tis the season, right?

  10. #260
    MRD
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Hugs to everyone. I have started to post in here several times and keep getting interupted.

    Hugs to everyone. Lopevian, BIG hugs to you. I'm so sorry about what happened with your husband.
    The holidays can be very hard. So can the birthdays, anniversaries, etc.
    I just try to get through them the best I can and I guess part of my way of coping is to make the holidays special for everyone else. Keeping busy, cooking, decorating, etc., seems to help me. We all find our own coping methods.

    Bug, it's great your husband is so supportive. Mine is as well. I wouldn't have gotten through half this stuff without him.

    One of my favorite cousins died yesterday. She and my mom were very, very close. Like sisters all their lives. She's probably one of the few left that I cared deeply about.
    She was 90, but until a few years ago when we moved and she got sicker, we saw each other all the time and talked on the phone often. She was so funny, so loving, so wonderful and helped me a lot when my mom died.

    But it made me remember a video tape they made in 1995 telling family stories and I had forgotten about it. I sat and watched all two hours of it last night laughing and crying.
    I haven't heard my mom's voice in a long time. It was actually the best thing for me right now to see them together, laughing and having a good old time.

    I can't go to the funeral and I'm upset about that, but it can't be helped. My daughter is having surgery that day and the funeral is 600 miles away.

    The family has NONE of the info they need, so I also spent much of yesterday calling the minister, the funeral home, the other cousins they don't speak too.

    I feel as if one more part of my parents have died along with my cousin. Another part of my childhood and my "history" (family stories) have died. I know that sounds selfish to say it from MY perspective. But I have so few links left to my mom and grandmother and this was a BIG one.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

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