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Thread: Losing a Mom

  1. #211
    everything under the sun lopevian's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Cootie, how difficult those 15 months had to have been for you and your family. I was able to talk with my Mom everyday during her hospitalization, and still she was missed so much. It is heartbreaking to read of your Mom's coma. I hope you have taken comfort in knowing that much, if not all, of the words you spoke to her during those painful and difficult months were heard. Your much beloved Mother heard your words of love and concern. Hearing is the sense that remains. You have my deepest sympathy. You sound like a wonderful, and I am so happy for you that, day to day, that very special Mother/Daughter bond is still a part of your life. I'm sure you do a fine job of honoring your Mom's memory. She is with you today, as you mark what would have been her 80th birthday. Holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries of memorable occasions are tough days to weather. That ever-present sense of loss and lonliness intensifies. You are in my thoughts today. I so appreciate your wanting to reach out..

  2. #212
    everything under the sun lopevian's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    ..to me 21 months ago, and I can certainly understand that it was too painful. (sorry, I ran out of posting room) I left off 'Mother' in the previous post. You sound like a wonderful Mom. Keep up the creativity! Keep honoring your dear Mom in all you do. That is all that's left for us to do. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Like the many stories shared here, it was heartbreaking, but ultimately uplifting and life affirming. Best wishes to you, Cootie.

  3. #213
    I won't forget Cootie's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Thanks for the nice comments. Yes, my mom's coma was very depressing but it wasn't until after she died that I really figured out what she meant to me. I was so glad that I kept in constant contact with her so I didn't have any regrets. And I think she "waited" to die until a time when our very large family could all be there. It was something of a miracle to me.

    I would like to say that I handled it pretty well and it bonded my daughter and I even more going through this, but what I am realizing now is that I stopped writing after she died. I use to write constantly and enjoyed it, but throughout the 2000's I have only written for work, email, etc. Discovering FORT was a form of therapy for me, but I could only lurk! And I loved the writing of so many creative people here. This thread is what got my attention and made me realize that I had to post - it just took a long time! I really do know something of what you who have lost your moms are going through. I think we just get used to it, don't we? And have secret conversations with our dearly departed!

    I didn't tell you that my son was also born on Halloween, he turns 27 today. My mom always hated having a Halloween birthday, but the night he was born, I got to give her a gift of a grandson to share the day with. I must say, that I felt proud of this accomplishment!

  4. #214
    everything under the sun lopevian's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Cootie, belated birthday wishes to your son. What a gift you gave your Mom. A new grandson, and a reason to love the date of her birthday. What a wonderful story. Glad to read that you are writing again. I think we get disconnected from parts of ourselves when we lose a parent. For you, the writer inside was silenced. For me, it was my equalibrium. I feel like a photograph, frozen in time, hanging crooked on a wall, and smiling as I watch the world pass by. I need to straighten myself out before I can step back in. To honor my Mom, I'm trying. Keep up with your writing, that is just terrific!
    Last edited by lopevian; 11-01-2008 at 05:15 PM.

  5. #215
    FORT Fogey Tribal Speak's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Lopevian:
    Well put. Speaking of photographs frozen in time, my Mom was not one to dwell on the past and had thrown all traces of it away. I had never seen pictures of her in her younger years (other than one of her at age 27), nor had I ever seen pictures of her parents. Since my Mom's passing I have obtained some photos from various relatives, including my Mom's sister, who turned out to be a gold mine. I now have a treasure trove of old photos of my Grandparents, Great Grandparents and Great Great Granparents as well as photos of my Mom through various stages of her life starting from the age of one. It is truly amazing. I can't find the right word to describe it other than a positive in an otherwise difficult time.


    Quote Originally Posted by Cootie;3226486;
    .... I think we just get used to it, don't we? ....
    Cootie: My belated condolences. I have heard or read this somewhere. Perhaps here. That we never get over it. We just get used to it. I'm not very good at passing on words of sorrow for others, so I'll just leave it at that.
    All the best.

  6. #216
    everything under the sun lopevian's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Tribal Speak, that is so wonderful. The photographs are a treasure, as you stated. I am so happy for you. For the photographs certainly, but also for finding a positve. Even though they are mostly few and far between, a positive will come around. Sometimes they have to make three or four passes before they're recognized as a positive, but when found, they bring tremendous comfort. I hope your treasure brings you exactly that. Your aunt is a very kind lady

  7. #217
    I won't forget Cootie's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Quote Originally Posted by Tribal Speak;3229578;
    Lopevian:
    Well put. Speaking of photographs frozen in time, my Mom was not one to dwell on the past and had thrown all traces of it away. I had never seen pictures of her in her younger years (other than one of her at age 27), nor had I ever seen pictures of her parents. Since my Mom's passing I have obtained some photos from various relatives, including my Mom's sister, who turned out to be a gold mine. I now have a treasure trove of old photos of my Grandparents, Great Grandparents and Great Great Granparents as well as photos of my Mom through various stages of her life starting from the age of one. It is truly amazing. I can't find the right word to describe it other than a positive in an otherwise difficult time.



    Cootie: My belated condolences. I have heard or read this somewhere. Perhaps here. That we never get over it. We just get used to it. I'm not very good at passing on words of sorrow for others, so I'll just leave it at that.
    All the best.
    Hi Tribal Speak - you probably already know that if you have posted here, that my sympathies are definitely with you. My mom kept everything. I mean everything! I spent many years driving 800 miles to my dad's house to sort and give away items. What I did find out was that I had the most pictures of my mom showing her in candid photos. For some reason, she was not in many pictures during my lifetime unless I took them on the little journeys we took together. But I did dig up some slides that my dad had from before I was born showing her as a young mother. And being slides, they were in color, which was amazing to me. I haven't shared them with anyone yet, but copies would make a grand gift for my siblings!

    I think you will find that some wonderful memories will crop up over time and give you comfort. At the same time, of course, they will make you sad. It is complicated.

    Yesterday, I was pondering what my mom would have thought of the election. I think that she would have countered my dad's love for all things Republican with some admiration for Obama...

  8. #218
    FORT Fogey Ellen's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Quote Originally Posted by Cootie;3229927;
    Yesterday, I was pondering what my mom would have thought of the election. I think that she would have countered my dad's love for all things Republican with some admiration for Obama...
    DH's mother died a couple months ago, and his dad a couple years ago. DH's father was a staunch religious right-wing Republican; his mother voted Republican but never knew anything about any of the issues, but she was very bigoted with regard to anyone who wasn't lily-white. DH and I were joking that his late parents are probably spinning on their shelf. (I don't know if you can say "spinning in their graves" if their cremains are on a shelf in Alabama . . .)
    "There's no crying in baseball!"
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  9. #219
    Trouble in my life just1paul's Avatar
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    Quote Originally Posted by Ellen;3230636;
    DH's mother died a couple months ago, and his dad a couple years ago. DH's father was a staunch religious right-wing Republican; his mother voted Republican but never knew anything about any of the issues, but she was very bigoted with regard to anyone who wasn't lily-white. DH and I were joking that his late parents are probably spinning on their shelf. (I don't know if you can say "spinning in their graves" if their cremains are on a shelf in Alabama . . .)

    *THREADJACK*

    In this case the correct term should be "twirling" on their shelf.

    *END THREADJACK*
    - The Dean Martin Show -

    Petula Clark: You know they say you can't buy happiness.
    Dean Martin: No but you can pour it..

  10. #220
    MRD
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    Re: Losing a Mom

    My dad would have voted for McCain because of the military thing as well as being a Republican. My mom would have voted for Obama as a lifelong Democrat. They used to argue about cancelling each other's vote out. I am sure they still are. Since their cremains were scattered over water, I've wanted to ask some people I know there if the water is churning.

    I am the picture taker in my family, but now I ASK someone to take the camera and include me in a few photos. You don't know the stories I've heard over the years from people that have lost a loved one and don't have photos because either the person didn't like their photo taken and avoided the camera or they did all the picture taking and so never had any of themselves. Photos are priceless treasures. I know that mine are more dear to me than anything else I might have.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

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