Losing a Mom

[lopevian]

Tribal Speak, you have my sincere condolences. In addition to the pain that comes with losing your Mom, you have the tragic circumstances of her passing to deal with. My thougts and prayers are with you and your brother, for strength as you struggle through.

[famita]

TribalSpeak, know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. I am at a loss to know what to say at this time. I am truly sorry for your horrendous loss and pray that you will find closure and peace.

[famita]

TribalSpeak, You are in our thoughts and prayers. I hope and pray that you'll find peaceful closure for this horrendous accident. Try to remember the happy times.

[Tribal Speak]

Thanks to everyone for all the kind words and support.

....My parents were ill for a long time and were losing a lot of their independence when they passed. My mom was facing some very serious issues and she passed before we got to that stage, so I like to think that her going when she did, kept her from suffering anymore, kept her from the indignity she would have faced as she relied more and more on people to take her to the bathroom,to bathe her,to feed her, etc.
I, like you used to wonder about a lot of things. But now I think I have at least accepted it to the point where I can live with it. I know both my parents would not have liked being incapacitated so it was a blessing for them to go when they did. Was it a blessing for me? No, I wanted them around, I still do.

But I have to accept that they were ready, God was ready for them and while I wasn't ready, I've learned a lot since they have been gone and I like to think that what I've learned and how I've lived my life since them would make them proud.

Again, I send you my heartfelt condolences on your tragic loss.

myrosiedog:
I’m not a religious person, but I have thought this too and I would be lying if I said the thought of another force of some kind having a role in it didn’t cross my mind. Maybe it was time. My Mom was a VERY independent person. I believe she was paying for my brother’s gas for his trips in and out. My Mom survived breast cancer in the early ‘80s. The planned move was necessary. But I was concerned that the stress of moving from the only home she’d known for the last 29 years, and essentially the only town she’d known for the last 52 or so years, would have possibly brought on a recurrence of the cancer, or some other ailment. I struggle with a thought I have that it seems fitting that she died before the move could take place and in a home where she spent more than 1/3rd of her life. I hope that doesn’t sound crass.

I have two brothers. My other brother lives on the Eastern US seaboard and hadn’t seen Mom for two years. He and his family are coming to visit in July. Mom was going to meet her latest grandchild then. A 1 year old girl.

One of the days that my two brothers and I were at Mom’s apartment, dealing with her possessions, the front door closed on it’s own. We had the bedroom window and balcony door open and it was a windy day, but I take comfort in thinking that it wasn’t just the wind that closed the door.

Thanks again.

[buglover]

Tribal, she'll always be watching over you believe me. My mother is always there and it comforts me deeply. I often think of how lucky I have been to not get into accidents when they happen in front of me or behind me.......I know mom was tapping me on the shoulder telling me to look out, go slower or faster.

[MRD]

Thanks to everyone for all the kind words and support.


myrosiedog:
I’m not a religious person, but I have thought this too and I would be lying if I said the thought of another force of some kind having a role in it didn’t cross my mind. Maybe it was time. My Mom was a VERY independent person. I believe she was paying for my brother’s gas for his trips in and out. My Mom survived breast cancer in the early ‘80s. The planned move was necessary. But I was concerned that the stress of moving from the only home she’d known for the last 29 years, and essentially the only town she’d known for the last 52 or so years, would have possibly brought on a recurrence of the cancer, or some other ailment. I struggle with a thought I have that it seems fitting that she died before the move could take place and in a home where she spent more than 1/3rd of her life. I hope that doesn’t sound crass.

I have two brothers. My other brother lives on the Eastern US seaboard and hadn’t seen Mom for two years. He and his family are coming to visit in July. Mom was going to meet her latest grandchild then. A 1 year old girl.

One of the days that my two brothers and I were at Mom’s apartment, dealing with her possessions, the front door closed on it’s own. We had the bedroom window and balcony door open and it was a windy day, but I take comfort in thinking that it wasn’t just the wind that closed the door.

Thanks again.

I don't think that sounds crass at all. We don't know for sure why things happen. But I've always thought that they do happen for a reason. We may not always know the reason and it may be years before we know the reason, or we may know it tomorrow. But I think that there are reasons.
And we all grieve in our own way. There is no right or wrong. No set time period to it. It's very personal and unique to each of us how we handle it. And don't worry if others think it's crass (which I don't personally think what you wrote was), it's how YOU think and feel and again, it's a personal thing for all of us and I firmly believe that it's ok to feel certain ways even if they may not be what "society" thinks is right.

I do know that my parents have watched out for me since then, so your mom is likely watching out for you. Before Hurricane Charley hit (when it was still projected to go North of us about 90 miles), my daughter and I both were "visited" by my mom and I heard her voice tell me: "you will be ok". And we were. We were VERY lucky 24 hours later, when the hurricane suddenly took a turn and almost came in on top of us. My mom had been dead for almost 4 years when we got her reassurance.

[Lois Lane]

mrd, I know that you occassionally make cards... I rarely find condolence cards that get the sentiment across as well as your post did...I'll bet you if you made your beautiful cards with what you wrote on them...you'd be giving Hallmark a run for their money.

Have a good weekend everyone. I'll keep you all in my prayers and thoughts...

[dagwood]

TribalSpeak, I wish I could say something to make you feel better. You have my thoughts and prayers.

[Cootie]

Hi all...my Mom passed away at the end of December. I miss her so much. She had a health crisis in late October, and she was suffering. I recognize the blessing in knowing she suffers no more. She was 82 years old, and had a wonderful life. I know that living to such an advanced age, and living a life well led, is a comfort. I have all that down. I understand it, and completely agree with it. But it's not helping me a whole lot right now. I miss her so much.

Any of you who have lost your Moms, I'd so appreciate hearing from you, your thoughts and feelings. I'm sure your input and advise will be a tremendous help. Thank you so much, and best wishes in the new year to each of you.

lopevian

Lopevian - I know that it has been a long time since your mom passed away. I have thought of you often since you posted this message. I wanted to reply right away because I had gotten more used to my mom being gone by the year 2007 and maybe I had some good advice for you or could help give you comfort. But it was not that easy I guess... I am a little shy about posting my feelings. So here goes 21 months later....

My mom died in 2001 after being in a coma for 15 months. She was in her 70's and had a series of strokes that finally took her life. It should have been a time a relief for her to not have to suffer anymore, but instead what I felt, and still feel, is the loss of someone who believed in me, supported me, and enjoyed time spent with me.

But it wasn't one sided - I have figured out that I spent quite a bit of energy and thought staying connected with her even though I lived in another state. I found stacks of letters that I wrote her over the years tucked away in her drawers and in cupboards all over her house! We had a nice friendship, sharing ideas and dreams, etc. She was a great role model and I have often thought about how she would have reacted when my daughter is talking to me and I am feeling busy or impatient. By the way, I am very lucky to have a daughter who enjoys doing projects with me and we have taken a number of fun road trips where we can talk about anything or nothing at all.

My mom's birthday was on Halloween. She would have been 80 this year, so naturally I am thinking about her much more than usual. I am also thinking about Lopevian and all of you who have posted here about the loss of your moms. It is a great loss indeed and one that I cope with by honoring her in my daily life by helping others, being tolerant, being creative(!) and many other things. It does help!

[MRD]

Lopevian - I know that it has been a long time since your mom passed away. I have thought of you often since you posted this message. I wanted to reply right away because I had gotten more used to my mom being gone by the year 2007 and maybe I had some good advice for you or could help give you comfort. But it was not that easy I guess... I am a little shy about posting my feelings. So here goes 21 months later....

My mom died in 2001 after being in a coma for 15 months. She was in her 70's and had a series of strokes that finally took her life. It should have been a time a relief for her to not have to suffer anymore, but instead what I felt, and still feel, is the loss of someone who believed in me, supported me, and enjoyed time spent with me.

But it wasn't one sided - I have figured out that I spent quite a bit of energy and thought staying connected with her even though I lived in another state. I found stacks of letters that I wrote her over the years tucked away in her drawers and in cupboards all over her house! We had a nice friendship, sharing ideas and dreams, etc. She was a great role model and I have often thought about how she would have reacted when my daughter is talking to me and I am feeling busy or impatient. By the way, I am very lucky to have a daughter who enjoys doing projects with me and we have taken a number of fun road trips where we can talk about anything or nothing at all.

My mom's birthday was on Halloween. She would have been 80 this year, so naturally I am thinking about her much more than usual. I am also thinking about Lopevian and all of you who have posted here about the loss of your moms. It is a great loss indeed and one that I cope with by honoring her in my daily life by helping others, being tolerant, being creative(!) and many other things. It does help!

What a beautiful post. Sounds like your mother was a terrific person and mother. Sending you hugs today. Birthdays are always hard.

I too like to think that now I can honor my parents by being someone they could be proud of.