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Thread: Cutest things you've heard your kids say

  1. #161
    giz
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    FORT Fogey giz's Avatar
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    My guy (age 6) decided to tell me how civilisation happened. "First people weren't people, they were monkeys." "Uh-huh" I say. "Then they started to turn into people, but slowly. Then, when they were people, they rubbed their bits together." "Their bits?!?!" "Yes, you know, their man and lady bits." "Their penis and vagina you mean." "Yes." rolling eyes. "Then boom! babies happen. Then they leave Africa and start moving around places. I think they moved to Europe first. Then Asia. Then more rubbing, more Boom!, more babies, and before you know it there's 85 billion people."

    Whew. I love listening to his theories, they are really magical and pretty loopy, but always interesting to me.

  2. #162
    Wishing for spring Mellon's Avatar
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    You have me in absolute stitches here at the office. I love the stories.

    I don't have one of my own yet, but my girlfriend's son is like a nephew to me. I went to visit them for the weekend a few weeks ago. As we were heading over to his grandparents to drop him off for a sleepover, he very seriously looked at me and said:

    "Mellon, are you getting married?"
    I said, "No, honey. I don't have anyone to marry."

    He put his head in his hands and shook it back and forth looking very dejected. His mom said from the front seat, "Honey, you'll have to ask her again. I don't think she understood your question."

    It dawned on me at that precise moment that he was actually asking me to marry him. I was more prepared when the question came again, albeit a little more shyly than the first time! He's absolutely adorable! Oh, we were engaged for a whole 24 hours until someone better came along.

    Buffy: What is this?
    Willow: A doodle. I do doodle. You too. You do doodle, too. ("Gingerbread")

    Xander: Damn it! You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt monkey! ("Buffy vs. Dracula")

  3. #163
    Rock Stars! bbnbama's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mellon View Post
    You have me in absolute stitches here at the office. I love the stories.

    I don't have one of my own yet, but my girlfriend's son is like a nephew to me. I went to visit them for the weekend a few weeks ago. As we were heading over to his grandparents to drop him off for a sleepover, he very seriously looked at me and said:

    "Mellon, are you getting married?"
    I said, "No, honey. I don't have anyone to marry."

    He put his head in his hands and shook it back and forth looking very dejected. His mom said from the front seat, "Honey, you'll have to ask her again. I don't think she understood your question."

    It dawned on me at that precise moment that he was actually asking me to marry him. I was more prepared when the question came again, albeit a little more shyly than the first time! He's absolutely adorable! Oh, we were engaged for a whole 24 hours until someone better came along.
    Aww..how precious! Don't cha just love the little kiddos when they are sweet like that!
    Reality is the beginning...not the end....Wallace Stevens

  4. #164
    Wishing for spring Mellon's Avatar
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    Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that he's 4... too adorable.

    Buffy: What is this?
    Willow: A doodle. I do doodle. You too. You do doodle, too. ("Gingerbread")

    Xander: Damn it! You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt monkey! ("Buffy vs. Dracula")

  5. #165
    Peeking In Duxxy's Avatar
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    This is not exactly cute but it sure made me laugh... as soon as I left the room.
    I gave my daughter (6) a haircut tonight and she complained and moaned through the whole thing telling me that I was cutting too short, she was going to look like a boy, all the other girls at school have long hair (I keep her hair in a short bob, like Dora, because it's just so much easier to manage) and I was ruining her Princess look.
    Much moaning later her hair was dried and styled and I asked her if she'd like to go have a look at it in the mirror.
    She gets up to the mirror and says: Well ... it looks like that bad S word.
    I just about collapsed.
    What S word? I asked
    6 year old eyeroll... you know the S word!, stupid!
    I just about fainted with relief, that is NOT the S word I was thinking of!
    I said "well I think you look nice"... in that funny voice that comes out when you are trying really hard not to laugh.
    "Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."

  6. #166
    FORT Fogey Muduh's Avatar
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    Two more from the kid.

    The other day he asked if I wanted to see his balls. Excuse me?
    I said, feebly, "Maybe later". A long while later he asked if it was later yet. I had forgotten the original conversation and said that yes, it was later. He came into the room trying to balance his soccer ball and a big rubber ball that we use for a kick ball, one under each arm. WHY is my mind always in the gutter?

    Today he was standing on the couch behind his grand daddy. He leaned over and patted the bald spot and said "is this your forehead"?

  7. #167
    Just Forting Around roseskid's Avatar
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    Duxxy, I was thinking she meant the same s word as you. Phew, right?

    Muduh, that's simply adorable, and reminded me of when my daughter had just turned five. My in-laws were visiting, and Lil Rose came home from school with a gold star on her forehead. My f-i-l asked why she had a star on her forehead, and without skipping a beat she said, "Papa, did you forget I just had a birthday? It's my fivehead, silly!"
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  8. #168
    Peeking In Duxxy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Muduh View Post
    Today he was standing on the couch behind his grand daddy. He leaned over and patted the bald spot and said "is this your forehead"?
    OMG I am dying!! That is the most hilarious thing I have heard this week
    "Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."

  9. #169
    In My Nest doxie's Avatar
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    I love this topic!

    Our small friend (almost 5) was at a party where his Daddy's band was playing recently. He came up to me and said "I'm going to do the Hiney Dance"..... I was confused for a few minutes until I saw him jumping around and shaking his little butt - lol - hilarious! After he got through dancing, I asked him why he called it a "Hiney Dance".... He responded (with a totally straight face) "I can't do anymore ass-shaking - Mommy said that was a bad word". I tried SO hard not to laugh but that had to be one of the funniest things that I have ever heard.
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  10. #170
    FORT Fanatic Melitta's Avatar
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    My kids have said some pretty off the wall things, but the ones that really stick out are...
    1. My son came running into the house one evening yelling "Mom, there's a SLUT on the sidewalk!" When I managed to pick my jaw up off the floor and asked him what he had just said, he repeated it again. I told him, "show me what you are talking about." We walk outside and there was a SLUG on the sidewalk.

    2. My daughter was telling me how to make a fist. I was cooking dinner so I was listening, not looking at her. Then I hear her say you don't put your "dumbs" in, you have to keep the "dumbs" out. I turned to see what the heck she was talking about...You don't put your "thumb" inside your hand when making a fist, you keep the "thumb" on the outside of the fist. I asked her if she was sure they were "dumbs" she said "Yep!"
    Play by the rules, you will miss all the fun!
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