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Thread: Rant about your In-Laws

  1. #311
    FORT Fogey Ellen's Avatar
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    canuckinchile:
    I can't believe she wouldn't drive her own son. That speaks volumes.
    onei0091:
    Wow, that must've really hurt your husband when his parents wouldn't drive him to the hospital.
    Believe it or not, his perception of family was so f'ed up that he never thought it unusual until other people expressed shock and said that it was f'ed up. Then he said, "Yeah, I'd never do that to anyone! That's f'ed up!"

    prhoshay:
    When my MIL died, I actually broke out into the M.C. Hammer dance. Of course, the husband wasn't around at the time, and I was appropriate when I was around him and their family at all times.
    I'm so glad you wrote that! I've been doing that dance inside -- and I guess if I "did" guilt, I'd feel guilty -- but haven't had enough alone time in order to do so. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!

    myrosiedog:
    . . . there were so many missed opportunities . . . But like Ellen's, they had been better parents to him than his own. . . he couldn't go to the funeral. . .
    There have been times when I felt jealous because my husband got a great set of inlaws (not just parents, but a sister, brother, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. -- the whole fandamily) who love and accept him as family unconditionally, joke around with him, and treat him as though he grew up with all of us all along -- and I got, well, yeah. . . But then I gotta remember that I'm lucky to have had that crazy bunch of "Polacks" all my life!
    My husband isn't going to the funeral for a number of reasons, including financial. Sure, we could run up the credit card, but I'll be damned if I end up in the same idiotic financial situations as my inlaws did due to their irresponsibilty, stupidity, and lack of planning. Luckily, no one has said anything negative to my husband regarding his decision; otherwise, s/he'd find my big fat fist in his/her big fat face!
    Last edited by Ellen; 09-14-2008 at 02:05 AM.
    "There's no crying in baseball!"
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  2. #312
    FORT Fanatic onei0091's Avatar
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Ellen - yeah, I totally understand how you feel. I have felt jealous of my husband too. My parents aren't (weren't) perfect by any stretch but they are like June and Ward Cleaver compared to my husband's parents. My husband is 'one of the family' with my family - everyone gets along with eachother just fine and I wish I had that, too. But you are right, at least I didn't have to grow up in a severly dysfunctional family, and have my only 'family' be my in-laws because my parents won't speak to me. I definitely have it better than he does.

    And my husband never thought his parents were weird until I pointed it out (and pointed it out, and pointed it out). I guess when you grow up in it, it's all you know and it's your 'normal'.

    I really appreciate everyone's honesty on here. I have grappled with the guilt I have for not liking (sometimes even hating?) my in laws. I don't want to hang out with them, I don't want to ever get together with them, when I hear that they are having troubles or have made another stupid decision, there is a large part of me that is laughing at them on the inside. It is nice to know that when you have to deal with someone so difficult, even if they are your spouse's parents, it's probably normal to feel the way I feel...

    I hope. LOL!

  3. #313
    MRD
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Quote Originally Posted by onei0091;3198529;
    Ellen - yeah, I totally understand how you feel. I have felt jealous of my husband too. My parents aren't (weren't) perfect by any stretch but they are like June and Ward Cleaver compared to my husband's parents. My husband is 'one of the family' with my family - everyone gets along with eachother just fine and I wish I had that, too. But you are right, at least I didn't have to grow up in a severly dysfunctional family, and have my only 'family' be my in-laws because my parents won't speak to me. I definitely have it better than he does.

    And my husband never thought his parents were weird until I pointed it out (and pointed it out, and pointed it out). I guess when you grow up in it, it's all you know and it's your 'normal'.

    I really appreciate everyone's honesty on here. I have grappled with the guilt I have for not liking (sometimes even hating?) my in laws. I don't want to hang out with them, I don't want to ever get together with them, when I hear that they are having troubles or have made another stupid decision, there is a large part of me that is laughing at them on the inside. It is nice to know that when you have to deal with someone so difficult, even if they are your spouse's parents, it's probably normal to feel the way I feel...

    I hope. LOL!
    Don't beat yourself up because you feel the way you feel about them. It is normal. Why should you like people like that? You wouldn't have picked them out as friends but you are stuck with them because they are "family". and you don't have to like them. Just enjoy your husband and your own parents and quit even worrying about them. I guarantee they don't worry about you!!
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  4. #314
    FORT Fanatic onei0091's Avatar
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Quote Originally Posted by myrosiedog;3198560;
    Don't beat yourself up because you feel the way you feel about them. It is normal. Why should you like people like that? You wouldn't have picked them out as friends but you are stuck with them because they are "family". and you don't have to like them. Just enjoy your husband and your own parents and quit even worrying about them. I guarantee they don't worry about you!!
    Thanks, MRD. It's not so much that I feel badly that I don't like them, I suppose. It's that I kinda...hate...them. And laugh on the inside when trouble befalls them. And take pleasure in their problems. I feel guilty because it's not the nice thing to do. I'd like to think that, if something bad happened to someone I dislike, there would be a part of me that would be able to put my feelings aside for them and feel badly, but there really isn't a part of me like that when it comes to the in laws. I'm pretty much 110% detest, 0% pity.

    So when I hear that there are people out there that MC Hammer dance when their MIL passes away, I feel a little more normal and a little less guilty. Because, when my MIL passes away (hopefully she's not a vampire or something that will live hundreds of years. It's possible she's a vampire of sorts - sucks the life out of everyone around her), I don't think I'll feel sad, either. Just relieved that she's out of my life.

    I don't know if that made sense. I swear I'm not an evil person.

  5. #315
    MRD
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Quote Originally Posted by onei0091;3198595;
    Thanks, MRD. It's not so much that I feel badly that I don't like them, I suppose. It's that I kinda...hate...them. And laugh on the inside when trouble befalls them. And take pleasure in their problems. I feel guilty because it's not the nice thing to do. I'd like to think that, if something bad happened to someone I dislike, there would be a part of me that would be able to put my feelings aside for them and feel badly, but there really isn't a part of me like that when it comes to the in laws. I'm pretty much 110% detest, 0% pity.

    So when I hear that there are people out there that MC Hammer dance when their MIL passes away, I feel a little more normal and a little less guilty. Because, when my MIL passes away (hopefully she's not a vampire or something that will live hundreds of years. It's possible she's a vampire of sorts - sucks the life out of everyone around her), I don't think I'll feel sad, either. Just relieved that she's out of my life.

    I don't know if that made sense. I swear I'm not an evil person.

    You're not evil. Sounds more like MIL is. I dont' think you should feel guilty about how you feel. It's YOUR feelings brought about by THEIR actions.
    If it makes you feel better, then do the MC Hammer dance. I dont think that there is one "correct" way to feel about anything or anyone. YOU have to figure out what works for YOU and if that works for YOU, then great.
    Life is all about coping and hoping. Sounds trite, but it's true. You have to find ways to live with the obstacles in life and you can never give up hope that life will get better and the obstacles will go away or be overcome.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  6. #316
    Premium Member canuckinchile's Avatar
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Yeah, I agree. But you know since I turned 40 (yesterday ) I find that I try not to dwell a lot on people that I don't like. It just gives them power over you. All that negative energy wasted on caring what people I have no respect for think of me, or wasting my own time thinking about them...bah! Not to say that the occasional "happy dance" is not done when I see karma give someone a good bite! I've worked hard to achieve my current level of apathy for the twits in my life (and thankfully there aren't many).

  7. #317
    MRD
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Quote Originally Posted by canuckinchile;3198654;
    Yeah, I agree. But you know since I turned 40 (yesterday ) I find that I try not to dwell a lot on people that I don't like. It just gives them power over you. All that negative energy wasted on caring what people I have no respect for think of me, or wasting my own time thinking about them...bah! Not to say that the occasional "happy dance" is not done when I see karma give someone a good bite! I've worked hard to achieve my current level of apathy for the twits in my life (and thankfully there aren't many).
    Happy late birthday. I think 40 is the magic number as that's about when I started feeling like you and letting the toxic people in my life go and quit worrying about them. I spent way more time worrying over them, over how I felt about them, over how they felt about me when I realized it was just wasted time, negative feelings that weren't making ME any better.

    And it is hard work to acheive the level where you are content as a person and you don't let all the twits get you down. But it's hard work well worth it.

    And yeah, karma's a bitch isn't it? I have to admit that I do like seeing karma slap someone silly that deserves it.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  8. #318
    FORT Fanatic onei0091's Avatar
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Happy Birthday, CanuckinChile!!!! And, yes, I agree with you 100%. It's not good to waste so much energy on dislike/hate. I am still in the process of learning how to 'let things go' but it's hard for me. My feathers got really ruffled for a long time over the in law situation and it is really taking a long time for me to forget about it all and move forward. I'm hoping that time will help. I don't want to feel such strong negative feelings toward them, I mean, I'd never want them to know that I'm as bothered as I am. I'd be embarrassed.

    What kind of helps me is to remind myself that no one that acts the way my MIL acts could be a happy person. Happy people don't do that stuff. So my best revenge, really is to let it go and be as happy as I can. Something she will never be.

  9. #319
    FORT Fogey Lil Bit's Avatar
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Quote Originally Posted by canuckinchile;3198654;
    I try not to dwell a lot on people that I don't like. It just gives them power over you. All that negative energy wasted on caring what people I have no respect for think of me, or wasting my own time thinking about them...bah!
    Truer words were never spoken (written). Apparently my SIL is still stewing over a petty little argument she and I had 2 1/2 years ago! I'm like.... Wow! She must not have much else in her life to occupy her thoughts if that is still bothering her. I think she's just upset because I have never tried to mend the problem between us, but hey, I don't like her, she doesn't like me. What's the point? I wouldn't have her for a friend if she wasn't my husbands sister and life is way too short to have those kind of people in your life anyway.

    onei Eventually you will get to the point where you don't hate them any more and just feel indifference. I've finally reached that point, with a little helpful advice from my friends here on FORT, and I have felt such serenity since I reached that point. I don't even wish any harm to my MIL. I just don't care.

    Oh.... Happy Birthday canuckinchile!!

  10. #320
    Premium Member canuckinchile's Avatar
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Happy Birthday, CanuckinChile!!!!
    Thanks, but ah, it wasn't my birthday. I was just trying to pretend to be younger Let's just say I am on the shady side of 50.

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