+ Reply to Thread
Page 28 of 37 FirstFirst ... 1819202122232425262728293031323334353637 LastLast
Results 271 to 280 of 365

Thread: Rant about your In-Laws

  1. #271
    FORT Fogey Pyramid Solitaire by Disney's Tangled Champion combatcutie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    hangin' with the girls drinking Cosmos
    Posts
    7,731

    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Since we are complaining about inlaws, I have a great story

    Monday I was down my MILs house and had my husband ask her to do a favor for us on Tuesday since we had a doctor's appointment and couldn't get it done. Her exact words were "Absolutely not" So, I said "that's nice, your son that did everything for you asks for a favor and you can't even do it". Then she goes on to say that she was going to her mother's doctor to find out why he stopped chemo on her. Well, if she said that in the effin beginning, I wouldn't have said anything about not doing the favor as I feel her mother's health is more important than doing my favor. So, I just get a call from my BILs girlfriend (who lives next door to the MIL). She tells me that my MIL said to her "that b*tch Dawn doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut" WTF????? I am so sick and tired of this. I have done nothing to this woman in 18 years that I am with husband. I have gone out of my way to do things for this family. I even had my father make HER mother a pot of chicken soup b/c she was craving it. I didn't ask for NOTHING in return. I could have made her buy the ingredients, but my parents (who are not well off) didn't want it. Now, FIL works for the government and MIL has a good job.

    I call my husband and ask him to talk to her and he says that I need to be prepared for her actions when I say a comment like that. Well, I am, but she is making it out to be like I knew she was going to see the doctor. I swear on my life that she did not say that until after I said my comment.


    So, now I'm sitting at work in tears b/c I can't take this anymore. I absolutely REFUSE to do anything with that family with the exception of BIL, girlfriend, and nephew. I am so Effin done.
    I can only please one person a day, today is not your day and tomorrow doesn't look good either

  2. #272
    FORT Fanatic onei0091's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    490

    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    I know that in law problems are so common, but I always thought it was just a bit of passive aggression or irritation with one another. I'm always so surprised to hear how many people have *major* issues with in laws. My family doesn't have any issues like that - my mom and grandmother (my dad's mom) are best friends and see eachother daily (even though my dad has passed away), and all of my good friends have really amicable relationships with their in laws, too, so I guess that makes it a bit harder for me. Anyway, I'm sorry to hear that you all are in a similar boat as me. It sucks.

    I had no way to the hospital as my mother and father in law live in the middle of nowhere. We flew out to visit and they picked us up at the airport, so we had no car of our own. They didn't want to take me into town, so we called an ambulance. I don't know anyone in that area other than the in laws.

    When it was all going on I was quite confused. There was a part of me that was like, 'is this really going on and is she as mean as she I think she is?' and then there was a part of me that thought, 'I must be misinterpreting something'... I guess I had no idea what kind of people they were and was totally unprepared. I don't really know anyone like that and was taken off guard, I suppose.

    My husband and I have been to marriage counseling for this issue. It's been really tough. The therapist said that we should maintain strong boundaries and if and when we get together with his parents, it should be on neutral territory (like meeting at a public place - restaurant), it should be fairly brief, and if she starts insulting me again we say 'this isn't working' and we leave. That sounds fine in theory but my pride doesn't even want to do that. Personally I feel that if they are all going to ignore me I shouldn't have to go out to dinner with them if they want to, but our therapist wanted my husband to be able to have some sort of relationship with his parents.

    And I *so* don't want to go to SIL's wedding, either. She called my husband's cell and they talked for a few minutes and then he said, 'do you want to talk to onei? she's right here' As if to put her on the spot and not allow her to ignore me, so she said, 'um, oh...okay' and I got on the phone and she was saying stuff like, 'it would mean a lot to be if you guys came' and 'we'll keep mom in check for you so you don't have to deal with her' but I would rather have a tonsilectomy than to go.

  3. #273
    FORT Fanatic onei0091's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    490

    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Quote Originally Posted by myrosiedog;3189886;
    Well my inlaws were beyond strange. I tried for 17 years and got nowhere. I sent cards, gifts, called, etc. They never returned the favor. I went out of my way to try to have a good relationship with them. But my MIL was incapable of having any kind of relationship with anyone. For the most part, they ignored us, we ignored them. I think the ONLY reason they finally came to see their newest grandchild was that we had her baptized on FIL's birthday which also co-incided with Father's Day that year. She was almost 3 months old and they didn't live that far away.

    I say, if they aren't speaking, consider yourself lucky. Having interferring inlaws is worse than having inlaws that ignore you.

    During the hurricane season of 2004 my MIL had to evacuate her mobile home 4 times and come to our house. She had her own room, I went out of my way to have food she could eat, etc. She made us TOTALLY miserable. After the last storm, she announced that I NEVER made her feel welcome in my home. WTH??? I had been trying for YEARS!! I had had it at that point and I wheeled around and told her that for 17 years she had never made me feel welcome in the family. She put her home up for sale the next day, it sold within 2 days and in 2 weeks she had packed up and moved 3 states away. Wish I had said something sooner.
    Holy crap! That's great that you said something, I bet that felt really good. I *think* about things that I would like to say but when it comes down to it I always wussed out. Part of me is scared to say anything and then have that over my head - you know, she would be able to say that I said, 'shutup, you fat old cow' to everyone and demonize me further. Plus I'm extremely non-confrontational.

    The situation with my in laws is that no one confronts MIL. They all let her do whatever she wants, and take all of her insults, and she never has to say 'sorry' or anything. She'll be mad for awhile and then act like nothing happened and everyone else acts right along with her like nothing happened. After the wedding fiasco, I was upset and didn't act like nothing happened. So I think that's why she hates me so much. I wasn't forgetting and forgetting and she didn't like that at all. Funny, because I didn't let loose and call her every name in the book. My husband confronted her about her actions and that was enough to send her into a rage, I guess.

    I suppose you are right, with what I know about them I should be glad they are choosing to give us the silent treatment. I guess there is a part of me that feels like, 'wth did I do to deserve this?' but then at the same time do I really want these people in my life? I think I'm sad that I don't have a relationship with in laws generally, but should probably be grateful that I don't have a relationship with *my* in laws...

  4. #274
    FORT Fogey Lil Bit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Iowa
    Age
    55
    Posts
    3,376

    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    You had pneumonia and your in laws wouldn't drive you to a hospital?? To me that's a total deal breaker. I would tell my husband that if he wants to see his family to plan on doing it without me. I spent years trying to NOT be the one who came between my husband and his family. I'm finally realizing that they are the ones who are putting up the walls and I'm sick of being the only one who has to tear them down.

    I've reached a point in my life where I feel that I shouldn't have to put up with this crap. Life is way too short to have to be around people who make you feel bad and bring you down.

    As for the wedding. Did she seem to be sincere when she was asking you to come? Or did she seem forced? I think you have to do what's best for you and hope that your husband will understand if you choose not to go.

  5. #275
    FORT Fogey Lil Bit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Iowa
    Age
    55
    Posts
    3,376

    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Quote Originally Posted by combatcutie;3190009;
    So, I just get a call from my BILs girlfriend (who lives next door to the MIL). She tells me that my MIL said to her "that b*tch Dawn doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut" WTF?????
    That is one thing that I'll never understand. My SIL was that way too. Over the years, my MIL would say some horrible thing about me and my SIL would just have to call me and tell me all about it. Why? What purpose did it serve except to hurt my feelings and make me mad?

  6. #276
    FORT Fanatic onei0091's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    490

    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Quote Originally Posted by Lil Bit;3190044;
    You had pneumonia and your in laws wouldn't drive you to a hospital?? To me that's a total deal breaker. I would tell my husband that if he wants to see his family to plan on doing it without me. I spent years trying to NOT be the one who came between my husband and his family. I'm finally realizing that they are the ones who are putting up the walls and I'm sick of being the only one who has to tear them down.

    I've reached a point in my life where I feel that I shouldn't have to put up with this crap. Life is way too short to have to be around people who make you feel bad and bring you down.

    As for the wedding. Did she seem to be sincere when she was asking you to come? Or did she seem forced? I think you have to do what's best for you and hope that your husband will understand if you choose not to go.
    I feel the same way as you. Why should I have to forgive these people when they never even said "I'm sorry?" Life is short and having this situation always looming in the background really puts a damper on things. I don't want to prevent my husband from having a relationship with his parents, but at the same time it really feels extremely unnatural to even think about getting together with them after everything that happened. And I didn't even tell you guys about our wedding...

    FIL has been emailing my husband and has been talking about getting together since last November. Pretty much every month since Nov they say, 'next month we want to come and have lunch with you guys' (they have other family where we live and would stay with them, not us). But then each month it gets pushed back to 'next month', etc. etc. Last month they said they'd visit in Sept but we haven't heard anything and I'm tired of their anxiety producing, impending 'visit' lasting almost a year at this point.

    I don't know about SIL. She wouldn't have talked to me if my husband hadn't put her on the spot, I know that much, so it was definitely forced. And, you know, a lot has gone on in the last 4 + years! Pregnancy, miscarriage, new houses, new jobs, new states and cities, etc! It's a lot that they missed out on and don't even know about. Clearly they don't care about our lives, so why should I attend their important functions. Maybe that's a crappy attitude, but it's how I feel.

    Lil Bit - My SIL used to do this too. Tell me everything that MIL had been saying about me. I mean, I guess it's good to know but it has made things much more awkward and has left me with hurt feelings. Such a weird family - how is my husband so normal? That's what I can't figure out.

  7. #277
    FORT Fogey Lil Bit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Iowa
    Age
    55
    Posts
    3,376

    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Quote Originally Posted by onei0091;3190064;
    Such a weird family - how is my husband so normal? That's what I can't figure out.
    I always say that sometimes, when the apple falls from the tree it ends up rolling down a hill! Thankfully my husbands apple tree was growing on a pretty big hill.

  8. #278
    FORT Fanatic onei0091's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    490

    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Quote Originally Posted by Lil Bit;3190145;
    I always say that sometimes, when the apple falls from the tree it ends up rolling down a hill! Thankfully my husbands apple tree was growing on a pretty big hill.
    Yeah, my husband's family tree must be on the edge of a high plateau - his apple went right off the edge of the cliff but all the other apples landed on the plateau.

    It is very odd how he is nothing like his family at all. His parents both never went to college, his siblings all struggled through school. They all live in the same small community, out in the country. My husband is an ivy leaguer who is a major overachiever, loves the city and likes to travel and move...a LOT. And most surprisingly, he is very sweet, thoughtful and loving. His family is very cold and not at all affectionate.

    When I first met his family I could not believe it! I was so surprised. I expected a much different family - like the Cleavers, or something. Part of what was so confusing to me is that my husband never told me about his mother having problems - or about anyone having problems. I had to figure that out for myself. When I asked him why he didn't give me the head's up on any of this he said that he never thought of it...? I still think that's weird but our therapist said that can happen when you grow up in a dysfunctional family. It's not weird to you because you grew up in it.

  9. #279
    Defying Gravity Jamie5632's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    464

    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    My husband and I have sure have our share of inlaw issues on both sides. Our mantra is "1806" that is the number of miles away that we moved!

    I found this book EXTREMELY helpful. It basically like any self help book told you what you already know but does it objectively and in black and white. I was able to highlight the parts that I felt related to me and his mother and then had him read it, much more productive than my usual "AND ANOTHER THING!!!" rants. It is "Toxic In Laws, Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage" by Susan Forward and it is just that.

    Actually, its been about eight years since I read it and she's 'acting up' again, so it may be time for a refresher course!
    Wag more, bark less

  10. #280
    FORT Fogey Ellen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Posts
    6,014

    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Quote Originally Posted by myrosiedog;3189886;
    . . . if they aren't speaking, consider yourself lucky. Having interferring inlaws is worse than having inlaws that ignore you . . .
    Amen to that!
    "There's no crying in baseball!"
    -- Tom Hanks, A League of Their Own

+ Reply to Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.