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Thread: Rant about your In-Laws

  1. #261
    MRD
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Doxie, take comfort in the fact that your inlaws haven't been to visit in 6 years and this is the first time, so even IF the weekend is a disaster (which I highly doubt), sounds like you don't have to worry about frequent visiting.
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    She got in my house because my son and his girlfriend were here. They had been housesitting and taking care of our animals while we were gone for a couple of days. So yeah, that makes her seem like even more of a b***h, right? (did I say that out loud?)

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    Trouble in my life just1paul's Avatar
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Bumpity bump bump

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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Wow, there is a thread on this site for everything!

    I have in law issues. Either that, or I have none at all! Because we don't speak to eachother. I've gotten a marriage-long silent treatment from all in laws. It's really weird. My husband is close to my family and we see them all the time, but we never talk to or see his family members and haven't in over 4 years.

    My mother in law, I believe, has some sort of major psychological problem. Not like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia or anything like that, but a personality disorder...when I used to deal with her, she would say outrageous things and just be horribly mean - like an overdramatized mean girl in high school. She and FIL would take us out to dinner and she'd spend the entire time telling my husband (then fiancee) how she knows this really cute girl who adores him, and would he meet with her? And she'd do this right in front of me.

    Last time I saw her was when we visited them for xmas several years ago. I got her a cashmere (sp?) sweater and she opened it and didn't say anything. Later that night when I was changing into my pjs in the room we were staying in she barged into the room, threw the sweater at me, told me it felt like 'fiberglass' on her skin and that I'd have to return it. She called me every other day or so after we left to go back home to see if I had returned it yet. !!!!

    Unfortunately, during that same visit I came down with bronchitis. I kept saying I needed to see a doctor, but MIL assured everyone I had the flu and would have to 'wait it out'. She also insisted, in addition to not seeking medical help, that I shouldn't eat because it would upset my stomach. She also said the room we were staying in (which had a broken, open window in it in the middle of a very cold winter) was going to be used by her for something else, so we had to sleep in her craft room on the floor. I panicked after a few days because I was feeling so awful and took an ambulance to the ER. I had bronchitis that had turned into pneumonia. I was too sick to fly home so hubby and I stayed in a hotel room until I was well enough to get back home. I seriously couldn't stay there anymore and haven't stayed there since.

    We got married in 2004 and have not seen nor heard from them since the day of the wedding. We got a call from SIL who said she is getting married and wants us to be at the wedding next summer. Awkward?

  5. #265
    Premium Member burntbrat's Avatar
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Wow onei. That's rough. I don't think I would've stayed in such terrible conditions during the visit. I think part of your mother-in-law's problem is that you allow her to treat you like crap. Throw the sweater back at her next time and include a gift receipt so she can take the itchy thing back herself. And there's no reason why you couldn't have taken yourself to a doctor or emergency clinic before your bronchitis got to ER/Ambulance stage. Unless there's something I'm missing here? I know that's pretty harsh, but it sounds like your mother-in-law is going to continue to treat you like you're not good enough until you let her know that you don't really care how she feels.

    As for the wedding, it depends on whether or not your sister-in-law has been in on the shunning. If so, I can't imagine why you would want to go. If you have a relationship with your sister-in-law then go to the wedding and hold your head high. If your mother-in-law treats you badly or makes you feel worthless, remember she's only shaming herself in front of a big audience. Most people are smart enough to see through that bull.
    One of these days I'll stop being sensitive. Until then, I'll continue to be devastated on a daily basis. Life breaks my heart.

  6. #266
    MRD
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Quote Originally Posted by onei0091;3189596;
    Wow, there is a thread on this site for everything!

    I have in law issues. Either that, or I have none at all! Because we don't speak to eachother. I've gotten a marriage-long silent treatment from all in laws. It's really weird. My husband is close to my family and we see them all the time, but we never talk to or see his family members and haven't in over 4 years.

    My mother in law, I believe, has some sort of major psychological problem. Not like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia or anything like that, but a personality disorder...when I used to deal with her, she would say outrageous things and just be horribly mean - like an overdramatized mean girl in high school. She and FIL would take us out to dinner and she'd spend the entire time telling my husband (then fiancee) how she knows this really cute girl who adores him, and would he meet with her? And she'd do this right in front of me.

    Last time I saw her was when we visited them for xmas several years ago. I got her a cashmere (sp?) sweater and she opened it and didn't say anything. Later that night when I was changing into my pjs in the room we were staying in she barged into the room, threw the sweater at me, told me it felt like 'fiberglass' on her skin and that I'd have to return it. She called me every other day or so after we left to go back home to see if I had returned it yet. !!!!

    Unfortunately, during that same visit I came down with bronchitis. I kept saying I needed to see a doctor, but MIL assured everyone I had the flu and would have to 'wait it out'. She also insisted, in addition to not seeking medical help, that I shouldn't eat because it would upset my stomach. She also said the room we were staying in (which had a broken, open window in it in the middle of a very cold winter) was going to be used by her for something else, so we had to sleep in her craft room on the floor. I panicked after a few days because I was feeling so awful and took an ambulance to the ER. I had bronchitis that had turned into pneumonia. I was too sick to fly home so hubby and I stayed in a hotel room until I was well enough to get back home. I seriously couldn't stay there anymore and haven't stayed there since.

    We got married in 2004 and have not seen nor heard from them since the day of the wedding. We got a call from SIL who said she is getting married and wants us to be at the wedding next summer. Awkward?
    Well my inlaws were beyond strange. I tried for 17 years and got nowhere. I sent cards, gifts, called, etc. They never returned the favor. I went out of my way to try to have a good relationship with them. But my MIL was incapable of having any kind of relationship with anyone. For the most part, they ignored us, we ignored them. I think the ONLY reason they finally came to see their newest grandchild was that we had her baptized on FIL's birthday which also co-incided with Father's Day that year. She was almost 3 months old and they didn't live that far away.

    I say, if they aren't speaking, consider yourself lucky. Having interferring inlaws is worse than having inlaws that ignore you.

    During the hurricane season of 2004 my MIL had to evacuate her mobile home 4 times and come to our house. She had her own room, I went out of my way to have food she could eat, etc. She made us TOTALLY miserable. After the last storm, she announced that I NEVER made her feel welcome in my home. WTH??? I had been trying for YEARS!! I had had it at that point and I wheeled around and told her that for 17 years she had never made me feel welcome in the family. She put her home up for sale the next day, it sold within 2 days and in 2 weeks she had packed up and moved 3 states away. Wish I had said something sooner.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
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  7. #267
    FORT Fogey Add It Up Champion famita's Avatar
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    MRD, you crack me up! As nice as you are, I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when that happened! Just to see her face. I find it interesting that the people who tend to make us most miserable never realize that they are the problem. And maybe that's part of their "charm".

  8. #268
    FORT Fogey Lil Bit's Avatar
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    My MIL actually has kept her promise this time. We had our big blow up in April and she still hasn't visited. I did call her awhile ago and invite her and FIL over for dinner, but she immediately started screaming at me that we are NOT her family anymore and then promptly hung up on me. I only called because of my husband. She is his mother after all, and I didn't want to be the one to keep them apart if there was a chance for them to have a relationship. He is done now. Although he says that it doesn't bother him, I know it does and that hurts me so much to see what this evil woman has done to him. My kids are pretty upset too, especially my youngest who feels like she is snubbing his daughter. She treated him like crap most of his life, but it's different when they're doing it to your own child.

    Part of the problem is that she has depression issues. She was on an anti-depressant. The doc put her on something that is also used for migraines and it worked great. For some reason only known to her, she decided that she didn't need the pills anymore and went off them. She has alienated alot of people in her life and she and my FIL are split up. He finally had enough of not being able to do or say anything that didn't cause her to totally overreact and he left.

    I feel ok about what has happened though. I swallowed my pride and reached out to her when I KNOW that I had done nothing to deserve the treatment I had received and she shot me down. I did my part and now the ball is in her court. If she wants to make the first move she is welcome to, but I think she may have burned her bridges this time.

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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Lil Bit,
    We had the same issues and while I worried and fretted over the inlaw issue my husband would tell me: "I don't like them either. It doesn't bother me, why should it bother you?"
    He realized fairly early that she was like she was and wasn't going to change and he could either accept it and move on, or hold on to it and let it slowly kill him. He moved on. But it still bothered me and I was furious with how they treated our child. But my parents and grandmother were GREAT and you never hear my daughter say that she wished things had been different. She knew eventually just like her father that it wasn't her, it was their problem.

    I also had a grandmother that was cold and indifferent, but she made my mom's life a living hell (my mom's MIL) and I got my love from the rest of the family and didn't worry overly much about why the other grandmother didn't do stuff with me.

    Tell your husband that it's his reaction to them that matters. Can't change how they are, but you can change how YOU react or not react to them.

    I know it sounds simple. It does take a lot of readjustment thinking, but it can be done to not let them get to you.

    I consider it this way: I'm a great person and so is my husband and daughter. We have a lot of great qualities that attract good friends and family that WANT to spend time with us. It's their loss that they miss out on seeing what great people we are and their loss to choose not to be around us (well the point is moot now as his parents are now deceased).
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  10. #270
    FORT Fogey Lil Bit's Avatar
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    MRD

    Thanks for the good advice. The only problem is that my husband has pretty much lost his entire family since they are all afraid that if they talk to us it will set her off and she'll take it out on them. It was the same with my FIL. My husband was the ONLY member of the family to publicly side with him and say that she was being totally unfair. The rest all said, "yeah, I know, I know," and then didn't want to get involved. I know it hurt my FIL that his own kids wouldn't back him. Bill talks to his dad, but we live in Iowa and my FIL went back to Arizona to live so they only get to talk on the phone.

    My kids have been really great though. Especially my sons. They are so protective of me and their dad. My oldest son ran into her a couple of weeks ago and she tried to talk to him like nothing was wrong. He looked at her and said, "If my mom and dad aren't your family anymore that means that I'm not either". I don't know how she took it, but I can't imagine it felt good. I'm sure by now she's figured out some way that it was all my sons fault and not hers. It's never her fault you know.

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