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Thread: Rant about your In-Laws

  1. #231
    Peeking In Duxxy's Avatar
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Quote Originally Posted by Newfherder;2811254;
    Not to be a contrarian, but I can not imagine telling my guests that they couldn't smoke in my house.

    Holy geez! I tell people that they can't smoke in their home!
    My mother and MIL have been heavy smokers forever. Before my daughter was even born I told them that if they wanted us to visit that there couldn't be any smoking in the house or we weren't coming. I have a hard time breathing around smoke and I didn't want my baby subjected to it. My MIL was excellent and my own mother cheated ... until the day she saw her 10 month old grand daughter hooked up to a nebulizer during a particulariliy bad winter cold. As far as I know she hasn't sneeked since. I think I would know because my now-8-yr-old is a huge tattler. She had a sleepover a couple of weeks ago and tattled that grandma let her have pop. (mom's rules; no smoking, no pop, no gum, helmets and seatbelts are required)

    My MIL has actually quit smoking and if you knew what a heavy smoker she used to be and what a high-strung nervous person she is you would know the enormity of her actions.

    IMO it's just rude to smoke in a non-smoker's home. ever.

    I don't know how I'd feel about the furniture, it's a kind, motherly gesture. Some moms never stop feeling that they know what is best for us.
    "Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."

  2. #232
    Premium Member burntbrat's Avatar
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Thanks for all the advice and especially for agreeing with me on this issue. You're all wonderful.

    I have a funny update. Well, it was funny for me at least. My husband has promised to speak to her when he can get her alone because he doesn't want to bring it up in front of his father who has been going along with this secret smoking thing for the last 20 years. Tonight my husband and his dad left to take the kids to an activity after dinner. She said she needed to go upstairs to the potty and left for awhile. About 5 minutes later I heard a big thud upstairs. I mean BIG. So I trotted up there and knocked on the door to see if she was okay. She didn't answer the door, but I heard the toilet flush so I guessed she was okay. I of course smelled smoke again so I know what she was doing. She finally comes down 15 or 20 minutes later and her face is all messed up. I asked if she was okay and she said yeah, I just banged my nose. I figured it was karma coming to get her. I don't know if she passed out or slipped or what. But her nose is bruised up and cut on the bridge, and she has the beginnings of a black eye. I am awful for finding any humor in the story, but as I'm typing this she's up there smoking again. So I don't feel too bad.

    If this was my mother I would've taken care of it long ago. I am really trying to respect my husband's wishes by not speaking to her about it but I don't know how long I can hold it in.
    One of these days I'll stop being sensitive. Until then, I'll continue to be devastated on a daily basis. Life breaks my heart.

  3. #233
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    OK, I hope you MIL isn't seriously hurt...but really...how the heck did she do that to herself?!

  4. #234
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    I will preface this by saying that I'm glad your MIL was not hurt but...what the hell was she smoking?
    CYA

  5. #235
    Premium Member canuckinchile's Avatar
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    I think it is really disrespectful to smoke in someone's house without asking first. We don't have any smokers on either side of the family, but when we have a party I usually put an ashtray outside in a prominent area , and I have never had a problem. I don't know what I would do if it was my MIL, that's a tough one. It would bug me though.

  6. #236
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    burntbrat, I'd have to say something. It's your home too and if you husband won't or can't do it, then I would. It took me years to finally stand up to my MIL because I felt the way you did. But when my husband wouldn't say anything to her, I finally did and yes, she got mad (it wasn't about smoking), but after that, she didn't try to push me around anymore either.
    Stand up for your own values and the health of your kids and if hubby makes an issue out of it, then say you gave him the chance and he did nothing. That's what else I got to say to my husband and he backed off as he realized he had indeed done nothing.

    It was immensely gratifying for me to finally be able to stand up to her and know that I needn't pussyfoot around because it wasn't MY mother. But it was MY home she was in and by the rules of the state we lived in, that was half MY house too, so I figured I could say what I wanted in it.

    Good luck
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  7. #237
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    I considered putting this in either the Easter or the Etiquette threads, but thought it best belonged here.

    I was under the impression that my in-laws were going to be out of town, so went ahead with plans on our own. They didn't leave and this morning mr. veejer emailed me from work (owned by FIL; both mr. veejer and SIL work there) that SIL had told him that MIL was thinking of having us all over on Sunday.

    Now my plans are nothing that can't be changed. My food will either keep or I'll take it over there. However I am annoyed at the principle of the thing. No "By the way, are you available on Sunday?". In fact, here it is past 3pm and neither of us have heard from her yet directly, only second-hand!!!! I really hope she doesn't ask me to bring something that I'll have to go to the grocery store for in this snowstorm. / rant

  8. #238
    Got wings 9/19/2012 buglover's Avatar
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    I don't think anyone, including family should assume you will drop everything and do what they want. Mr buglover's entire family does that and it soooooo annoying! His aunt/uncle will call or show up unannounced and ask if they can stay a couple nights......I really don't like people like that.
    Yup, with donuts!!

  9. #239
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    veejer - So you got an e-mail that SIL said that MIL is thinking about inviting you for EASTER (not a summer barbeque)????? Easy flip-out answer is to heck with that!!! But of course we're talking about your husband's family who lives (in the same town?) so that's a little trickier. I guess I'd ask hubby to find out FOR SURE from his mother what the plans are and request that he let her know tactfully that a little more advance notice would be appreciated in the future. As for going to the store for extras - I still say to heck with that!!!! If she asks you to bring something let her know what you ALREADY BOUGHT FOR YOUR OWN DINNER before you knew you were invited. sheesh.
    Count your blessings!

  10. #240
    MRD
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    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    I hate it when family just assumes that ALL holidays MUST be family events. Would have been nice to get it straight from the horses mouth with some advance notice though.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

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