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Actually most days, that's how I feel about it. Her loss, plenty of other people apparantly think I'm worthy of having a relationship with them so I'm better off anyway.Originally Posted by gabriel;2695929;
But I will admit it does bug me occasionally. But only occasionally.
I heard back from my sister. I had told her I could fly into the regional airport that's 45 min. from where she lives for $39, so I would more than likely come to the wedding. She now wants to pick me up and have me stay at her house. I've already made arrangements to stay with some very good friends instead.
My husband says she wants something. Of course she does. 7 years ago when her son got married, I did all the decorations for the reception. I'm sure that's what she's wanting again.
I look at situations like that two ways: On the one hand, I feel like if they only want to be around me because of something I can do for them, then they should go pound sand. Fool me once; shame on you. Fool me twice; shame on me.
On the other hand, I truly believe that what goes around, comes around, and that the Christian (which I am) thing to do would be to help out however I can and let God take care of the rest.
Eventually, I come around to option two. But I sure do fantasize about option one!
Well, I'm not helping this time around. I'm going to the wedding. I'll send a gift. But I'm NOT doing the decorations this time. And I'm not staying with her. She has not literally spoken to me in person or on the phone in almost 2 years. So I'm not being real Christian like right now by saying that I'm not doing something for someone that has for the most part ignored me for 2 years.
My brother who she doesn't speak too either said he's going to the wedding, he wouldn't miss it. Even though she ignores him. It's his chance to embarrass her. He wouldn't do anything to embarrass her really, but since he's an athiest and she's very religious, just his being there bugs her. And at the last wedding you could almost hear the rumble through the crowd at the church: "Is that the athiest?"
Oh, I didn't take it that way at all. I've been all over the place emotionally on this one. Normally I do what you mentioned above. But this time, I've just decided that I am the only person that can allow myself to be taken advantage of and I won't allow it this go around. She didn't bother to mention to me that her daughter was getting married excapt as an afterthought and then when she finds out I'm coming, its all "we'll pick you up and you can stay with us". Which has NEVER happened before which is why I know she wants something.
Now if my niece asks me to help, that might be a different story.
Aw families. Can't live with them, can't shoot them.
PGM35, maybe the tiff was caused by something you don't know about. We all sometimes say things that we don't mean the way they come out and someone else takes offense. I say stay in touch with everyone as much as you're comfortable and let your dad do what he's going to do.
MRD, I'm with you - do whatever makes you happy. I would hope that your sister is after being your family and not just after your artistry....or free labor...or wonderful singing ability?
Yeah, families. My family was never terribly close. We didn't argue; we just weren't close. I had one sister who lived just outside of OKC until she died; my other sister lives outside of Boston. We get together once or twice a year (I'm in NJ), and talk on the phone every couple of months or so. I always wished we'd been closer.
And then I met my husband - and his family. They're extremely close. And they're very nice people - don't get me wrong. It's just that if a thought comes into their heads, it comes out of their mouths. And I think that some things ought to stay in their heads. They can say some very hurtful things and then cover it over by saying "I'm just being honest". Well, I believe in being honest. But I don't believe in being hurtful.
So now I'm kind of glad that I'm not that close to my sister.
It AIN'T my singing, thats for sure. I can't carry a tune in a paper bag.
Unfortunately I know my sister now well enough that I know its not about family, she wants something. Sad, but true.
Scoutmom, I love that (insert sarcasm here) when people say: I'm being honest. I remember a long discussion with my daughter years ago when she caught me in a white lie. And I got the "you told me never to lie, so why is it ok for you to lie?". I think now she realizes that sometimes its ok to say, "yes, that dress is a very flattering color on you" when it makes them look like a corpse. Because honesty in that case, is hurtful. Oh man, this is such a delicate subject isn't it?
My husbands family is like yours and he got it too. Out it comes before they realize what they've said and its usually the most tactless thing in the world.
I think that what bothers me is that at one time, we were all a very close family, but after my parents passed, then it all disintegrated. It was like my parents were the glue, you know.
Although now, I do see the benefits of living far away from family and not being all that close anymore.
If I'm asked directly for my opinion, I'll give an honest one. If someone asks me how they look in a particular color and they look like death warmed over, I won't use those words. But I would say something like, "I've seen you in other colors that I think look better." They generally get the point.
But I normally don't offer my opinion on something like that unless I'm asked directly. Kind of like a "don't ask-don't tell" policy!
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