+ Reply to Thread
Page 20 of 37 FirstFirst ... 101112131415161718192021222324252627282930 ... LastLast
Results 191 to 200 of 365

Thread: Rant about your In-Laws

  1. #191
    MRD
    MRD is offline
    FORT Fogey MRD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    somewhere resting
    Age
    52
    Posts
    16,893

    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Quote Originally Posted by AJane;2690786;
    Lois, if your MIL is really suffering from dementia, your options on how to deal with her spanking you are really limited. Be cautious - people suffering from it can get very aggressive. I have seen elderly people with dementia - who are even wheelchair-bound! - grab at and cause physical harm to their caregivers.

    Is there any way your MIL can be convinced to see her physician? If you can be sure that's the cause of her behaviour, then it's a lot easier to deal with. Please don't stop seeing her, though - the elderly who suffer from this kind of disorder are so often lonely and isolated, and confused. Don't allow yourself to get injured, of course! But if her behaviour is escalating, she really should be seen by a professional, and she will definitely need her family's support. Good luck.
    My dad's mother had dementia and was in a nursing home. We got a phone call from the home for my dad to come immediately. My grandmother needed to use the restroom and her roommate was in it and my grandmother snatched her off the potty by her hair!!!! The roommate was injured slightly and my grandmother couldn't be calmed down. My dad had to go help straighten out the whole situation. They ended up having to sedate my grandmother and move the roommate to another room. So yes, often the elderly that are indeed fragile, can be rather physical at times when they suffer from dementia.

    But there are ways to deal with it and no one need to suffer spankings or physical pain because of someone that's ill. But Lois, you have to do what you feel comfortable with as well. If she's not willing to see a dr. or the family doesn't suggest she see one, then you have no choice but to limit your contact with her. You should not have to fear her or get hurt because no one else seems to think its important. It's important to you.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  2. #192
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Right behind you
    Posts
    5,063

    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Thanks everyone. I pretty much diagnosed my MIL as having dementia based on what my husband and her family has said, but none of us know if she actually has this or not. She hasn't medically been diagnosed as having it... My SIL (her daughter) said she was able to talk with my MIL's doctor after one of her checkups during the summer and he said she was tested for Alzheimers and doesn't have it. I realize Alzheimers isn't the same as dementia and vice versa, but she was tested for something at least.

    I know there are all kinds of levels of dementia. My father was diagnosed with it about 6 months prior to passing away. He was not violent, but he sometimes got confused. Another one of my SILs works with geriatric patients in a psychiatric ward and she, too, said that many elderly patients get very physical when they get upset.

    The husband says he doesn't think this is dementia, but rather his mother trying to wield power. e.g. She used to have the power to boss the kids around and spank them if she wanted to or felt they needed it, and she still feels that way--regardless of the fact that the kids are all middle-aged adults with families of their own. So if she doesn't think you're behaving in a way she thinks is proper, she spanks you. Apparently this has been going on for all her life, except it has been exacerbated in the past few years. Her kids don't allow her to spank them. Either they will get out of the way or physically hold her hands back so she can't hit them. Because she is not my mother, I have a difficult time doing that. If she were my mother, I could be more forthright with her but since she is my MIL, I feel awkward holding her hands back. But since I don't fight back--and she can't spank her kids anymore--I think she figures I'm the go-to person when she wants to spank someone. The thing is, she doesn't spank me because I've done something bad.

    Oh, did I mention she threatens to hit me with a paddleboard, which I thought she was joking about. She actually has one.

    At Thanksgiving, one of my SILs (my side, not the husbands) saw her spanking me (again) and gently pulled her off of me. My MIL had no clue that it was upsetting to any of us. That's why I think there's something not quite right with her... but her kids says that's just her wielding her power.

    Obviously this has to be dealt with whether she does or doesn't have dementia. If she can't (or refuses to) control her hitting, I'll have to make sure any children aren't around her alone with her. Just in case. As for her hitting me, well, that's unacceptable too, regardless of whether or not she has dementia. I will have to do like everyone else and hold her hands back so she cannot spank me.
    Last edited by Lois Lane; 11-25-2007 at 05:37 PM.

  3. #193
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Right behind you
    Posts
    5,063

    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Quote Originally Posted by myrosiedog;2689587;
    I just think the whole thing with her is weird. But you'd think she could have at least emailed when my niece got engaged. I would have done the same had it been me.
    mrd, since you and your sister are estranged anyhow, would you have anything to lose by just calling her up and having a heart to heart (or at least asking why she doesn't want to have anything to do with you or your daughter)? If she blows up at you, it's no worse really than how it is. And maybe she might shed a tiny bit of light on what's going on in her head... I can imagine being mad at my siblings, but I can't imagine letting that get in the way of a relationship between me and their children. Truly odd...

    How is your relationship with her children? Maybe you can stay in touch with them without having to stay in touch with her, and they can still be in touch with your daughter--cousins and all...

  4. #194
    MRD
    MRD is offline
    FORT Fogey MRD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    somewhere resting
    Age
    52
    Posts
    16,893

    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Quote Originally Posted by Lois Lane;2691415;
    mrd, since you and your sister are estranged anyhow, would you have anything to lose by just calling her up and having a heart to heart (or at least asking why she doesn't want to have anything to do with you or your daughter)? If she blows up at you, it's no worse really than how it is. And maybe she might shed a tiny bit of light on what's going on in her head... I can imagine being mad at my siblings, but I can't imagine letting that get in the way of a relationship between me and their children. Truly odd...

    How is your relationship with her children? Maybe you can stay in touch with them without having to stay in touch with her, and they can still be in touch with your daughter--cousins and all...
    Interesting you ask that. I have a fairly good relationship with one of her sons and he and I do email pretty regularaly. She said in the email that he "probably" told me about the wedding. No, he didn't.

    My sister and I have different mothers. My dad divorced her mother when she was 4. She is also 11 years older than me. But we always had a fairly good relationship until my dad died. That is when it all came to a head and she has "put up" with me all these years. I guess it was a great act and she needs an oscar. She said some vile things about MY mother and me both and how I had what she never had, "a dad". Which is not true. My dad true, was not married to her mother anymore, but my father did as much as any divorced dad could do. He saw her regularly and he paid out the you know what for years. He paid for her entire wedding but was not allowed to walk her down the aisle OR say he was giving her away. One of my brothes walked her down the aisle and her mother stood up and said she was giving her away. My dad took it because he wanted to remain in her life. Even as an adult, he saw her regularly, saw her kids and always gave her money. He called her once a week up until just before he died.
    But after his death, I guess years of pent up jealousy and frustration came out. We kind of got over that, but I couldn't get over her saying some of the stuff she said about my mother.
    She is a "very good" Christian and will tell you that repeatedly. But when I did mention that a "Christian" wouldn't have said what she said about my mother, that did kind of make matters worse.
    I highly doubt anything changes. She cut off my brother as well at the same time and he is her full sibling, so he didn't do anything that he can figure out either. She's just strange and honestly, after knowing how she "really" feels and cutting my daughter out like that when she was a child, I don't care to have that much of a relationship with her. I just thought it was kind of strange not to hear about the engagement, because even though we don't speak much, we do email and the "big" news is usually what gets emailed.
    It's just a weird situation and she's weird and honestly I am better off not having that much contact with her. My daughter is so much younger than my sisters kids, that having any relationship would be awkward, I guess. My daughter is 16 and her kids are 31,29 and 27.

    ETA: One of the problems she does have with me and I presume my brother is over religion. My brother has not set foot in a church in 30 years and professes to being athiest. While we do go to church, we go to a "liberal" church according to her and we're all going straight to hell because of our religion. I used to just ignore this and it would stop, but it started getting worse and she hid behind her religion to say the things she said about my mom. So its just a whole weird situation. I would like to have a better relationship with her and her kids, but I also realize that any relationship with her is going to include a lot of stuff I don't want to put up with either, so its kind of ok, how things currrently are.

    I guess I was just shocked that she never mentioned her only daughter was engaged as we heard ALL about it for both boys. (and for the record, the daughter is marrying the same boyfriend she has had for 12 years. Yes that is twelve years. And since my niece still lives at home and still has a curfew and the boyfriend also attends the same church, I don't think they didn't mention the engagement because of any "scandal". They aren't living together and a wedding in March 08 which has already been in the planning stages for 6 months, means that there isn't an imminent arrival pending either.

    Honestly the whole family is just bizarre. I don't know why I mentioned it. I guess it did bother me that she didn't tell me. But she didn't tell our brother either, so I'm not taking it personally as she ignored us all.
    She's embarrased by both of us (me and our brother) anyway, because we actually are outgoing and have fun.
    Last edited by MRD; 11-26-2007 at 06:59 AM.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  5. #195
    MRD
    MRD is offline
    FORT Fogey MRD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    somewhere resting
    Age
    52
    Posts
    16,893

    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    In going back and re-reading my posts regarding my sister, I guess that I have a complexity of emotions and some opinions or ideas that may seem at odds with each other. I guess that family dynamics can often be confusing, contradictory, etc.
    I think I'm just wishing that we had a more "normal" family, but I know that there is no normal family out there. And as weird as my family is, it does work in its own way better than my husband's.
    Anyway, thanks for letting me vent a bit about my sister. It helps to get it out and my husband doesn't really understand as he's never had good relationships with his siblings, so doesn't understand the part about most of my life having what I thought was a good relationship and then having it kind of fall apart, especially when I feel that I didn't really do anything to warrant it, but it was years of issues my sister was apparantly dealing with and once our common factor - our dad- died, then it was ok for her to let it all out.

    It is, what it is and for the most part, I am ok with it. I think I was just shocked that such "big" news was not shared with the rest of the family.

    I had someone very wise tell me one time that we often harbor hopes of better relationships with our parents, siblings, etc. and that while those people are still alive, our hopes that "one day" things will be different are always in the back of our minds. Then when that person is no longer alive, part of our grief is the grief, that the relationship never became what we longed for. I guess in a way I do long for a better relationship with her, but I also am practical enough to know her well enough now to know that it may never be possible. But I think she always felt that maybe she would have a better relationship with our dad and when he died, she finally saw it wouldn't happen to the degree she wanted and she vented it on me and my mother. And what I saw my dad as being a good father to her, she probably wished he had been more because she didn't ever live with him again after the divorce. And while I don't know what that's like. I assume it has to be hard. And my brothers did live with my father and my mother, so maybe there is some resentment towards our brother now because he did live there and she didn't.

    Sorry, just more out loud rambling and trying to understand things. I promise this is the last of it.
    Last edited by MRD; 11-26-2007 at 08:49 AM.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  6. #196
    FORT Fogey veejer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    3,402

    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    The family picture at Thanksgiving turned out okay. Nothing great, but then you get what you pay for. There were some funny incidents about it though.

    I was over there early because my MIL hadn't done a turkey in years and was nervous about it, so I volunteered to help. There was a lull where we were just chatting and all of a sudden,
    MIL says to FIL (the one who hates having his picture taken) "Is that what you are wearing for the picture?"
    FIL: "What picture?"
    MIL: "Oh that's right I didn't tell you because you'd grumble about it and this way you have less time to grumble. We're taking a family picture."
    veejer on the inside --->

    We used both a 35mm camera and a digital camera and afterwards we were looking at the digital pics on the TV. MIL says of one, "That one is really good, FIL doesn't look angry in it." The kids and grandkids all burst out laughing at that one!!!

    I really don't have much to complain about. MIL and SIL are both somewhat controlling, but they really are nice people. And they don't sit around and plot how to make mine and other's lives difficult, they just don't think through how their actions and words affect others. Fortunately, mr. veejer missed out on the controlling gene.

  7. #197
    MRD
    MRD is offline
    FORT Fogey MRD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    somewhere resting
    Age
    52
    Posts
    16,893

    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Veejer. about your FIL not being told about the picture until the last min.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  8. #198
    FORT Fogey PGM35's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Round Rock, TX
    Age
    44
    Posts
    2,410

    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    My dad and his only brother are in a tiff right now. They were talking again just last year and this year after my grandmother passed away and their dad had to be put into the nursing home. They had not been talking prior to that but with all that happened, they just sort of made up. Phone calls (they live about 9 hours away from each in Texas) everyday - sometimes 2 -3 times a day. Just for no reason, or to talk, or whatever.

    now they aren't talking again. It was silly on my uncle's part to get angry over what happened, but my dad tried calling afterwards for a few weeks and now he is angry over it and they haven't talked for 6 months. I am debating whether or not I should get his daughter involved (my 1st cousin). I know they need to work it out themselves but talk about stubborn men that can be pretty pigheaded. Not sure why I put this in the inlaw rant but mrd's sister issue reminded me of my dad and his brother issue. Thanks for listening!

  9. #199
    FORT Fogey PGM35's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Round Rock, TX
    Age
    44
    Posts
    2,410

    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    Quote Originally Posted by PGM35;2692255;
    My dad and his only brother are in a tiff right now. They were talking again just last year and this year after my grandmother passed away and their dad had to be put into the nursing home. They had not been talking prior to that but with all that happened, they just sort of made up. Phone calls (they live about 9 hours away from each in Texas) everyday - sometimes 2 -3 times a day. Just for no reason, or to talk, or whatever.

    now they aren't talking again. It was silly on my uncle's part to get angry over what happened, but my dad tried calling afterwards for a few weeks and now he is angry over it and they haven't talked for 6 months. I am debating whether or not I should get his daughter involved (my 1st cousin). I know they need to work it out themselves but talk about stubborn men that can be pretty pigheaded. Not sure why I put this in the inlaw rant but mrd's sister issue reminded me of my dad and his brother issue. Thanks for listening!
    wow - talk about a thread killer.

  10. #200
    Trouble in my life just1paul's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    In Ms. Troubles life and apartment
    Age
    56
    Posts
    9,544

    Re: Rant about your In-Laws

    I couldn't reply to this because my attitude in this type of situation is oh well, if you don't want to talk to me it is your loss. I won't tell myrosiedog whether to get involved or not, not my family,, but I personally wouldn't.
    - The Dean Martin Show -

    Petula Clark: You know they say you can't buy happiness.
    Dean Martin: No but you can pour it..

+ Reply to Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.