To anyone who's yet to have an in-law: My best advice is this: Just because you may (start out) feel(ing) warm and fuzzy toward them all and like you are their brother/sister...Don't assume they feel the same way. And then, don't cry on their shoulder/confide in them/etc., etc. It can all hit the fan later in a really ugly way. Not everyone has kindness, decency or compassion. Not everyone understands their ABCs for that matter. And some people just look for divisions and basically do not ackowledge their siblings' growing up and actually having a family themselves.
On the plus side if that happens your Christmas card list will be trimmed wayyyy down. ;)
I love my mother-in-law to death. But, she counts all kids as her grand kids, meaning, any girlfriends or whatever she counts thier kids as her grand kids, I just don't think it's right especially considering she has enough real grand kids of her own. Also, my husband (from a previous marriage) and his brother both lost children due to miscarriages. My husband's was actually born and only lived a short while. She counts them too! It's just really strange.
I'm really lucky. Both my inlaws live far away (that's not the lucky part) so when they come to visit--or when we go to visit them--it's a really nice treat. My mother in law won't let me do a thing when we go to visit her. But when she comes to visit us, she always helps out (even though we tell her to sit back and relax). She wakes up early, makes herself tea and breakfast. This morning, I woke up to get some juice and empty the dishwasher and found it already done. She had figured out where everything went and put it all (correctly) away. She takes her laundry downstairs and does the loads herself, always offers to take out the garbage and the recyling (again, even though we'd rather she not do that). And when the husband or I have to take care of something--last minute work details etc.--she'll busy herself by taking a walk around the neighborhood, watching CNN or doing her Sudoku and JUMBO puzzles. She's an awesome woman!
My father in law (they're divorced, in case you haven't figured out) is really low maintenance as well. I feel really fortunate to have such easy going in laws. The husband and I both have pretty good families. Mine are all nearby so we see them more. But it's always really fun.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Our turkey's cooking, the table's set and we'll be welcoming guests into our home in about 2 hours! Yummy!
Me too. Well, at least my mother-in-law. I just adore her, and she likes me enough to include me in get-togethers with her friends. My father-in-law seems like a nice guy, but he lives far away from here and I've only seen him during the weekend of my wedding. I like most of hubby's side of the family, with the possible exception of his grandma. She's a cranky old bat. :whistle But I think I may be on her good side- I'm not sure.
Originally Posted by DesertRose;2153216;
My mother-in-law passed away last month, so the only in-laws I have left are my husband's brother and SIL. These are not very smart people. They only recently bought a cell phone (just one to share) but they won't turn it on, and won't take it with them when they travel because they say it's only for emergencies. Last summer they drove from Lincoln, NE to San Antonio, TX for vacation and left the cell phone at home. On purpose. Because it's only for emergencies. :mmm This was while having power of attorney for his 90 year old mother who was in a nursing home and in poor health. :ohno We make it a point not to see them very often. :teeth
Marleybone, truly no offense meant, but yikes! Those are some dumb people.
My MIL also passed away this year so I feel a little uncomfortable griping about her, but she had the most evolved case of martyr syndrome that I've ever encountered (even more than my mother's, though hers was combined with alcoholism into one truly unpleasant personality - Mr. Rattus' in-laws really suck). For the first twelve years of our marriage she lived out west, which was wonderful. Because she hated me, she never came to visit so Mr. Rattus would head out there for a week every year which gave me some much needed vacation time of my own, but about nine years ago one of my BIL's had her move in with him in a town about an hour drive from where we live. As was to be expected, a few months after her arrival the BIL grew weary of her presence in his home and started the process of finding her a nursing home in his town, thousands of kilometres away from where she had spent her entire live and where all her friends are. Before she got wind of this, I went into emergency mode and found an apartment for her in a senior's independent living building just up the road from us (I had to excoriate my BIL to social services which, believe me, was a pleasure), and got her moved in before she ever discovered what the BIL had planned.
Anyway, a few years go by during which every single weekend Mr. Rattus spent about eight hours a day at his mother's cleaning, taking her to the Goodwill (her preference), talking about old times, etc., etc., etc. I was torn between being proud of what a good man he is and resenting the fact that we couldn't go out any more (literally nine years without a vacation). At any rate, one Saturday Mr. Rattus went up to her place to find that she had had a stroke that morning and was lying on the floor. He took her to the hospital, where he and the hospital staff determined that it was in her own best interest for her to finally go into a nursing home. She did not take that well at all. She screamed at and insulted my husband for days and weeks and months. She said that if he was any kind of a son at all, he would take her home to live with him. His explaining to her that our house only had one bedroom and that I, the woman she hated*, would have to quit work to stay home with her only intensified her vitriol. She refused to leave her bed, refused to eat with or even talk to any of the other residents, refused to read, listen to the radio or watch tv, all as a means of punishing my husband, the son who had been there for her more than anyone else, ever, and she kept refusing until she died four years later.
And for those who think that the stroke may have caused a change in personality - no, no it didn't. I could tell tales of martyrdom that go back years, but I won't. Except for the fact that she absolutely refused to use a walker, because she had "pride". Pride, schmide. If I needed a walker now, I'd use one (I already use a cane sometimes). Someone with self-respect will do what has to be done to look after themself and remove the burden from someone else's shoulders.
*My MIL did decide that she liked me once, briefly. For a while she was all gung ho about how fabulous her new DIL was (the new, now divorced, wife of the BIL mentioned above), until she went and actually met her. The circumstances of that meeting were: DIL had just had a new baby; baby had colic; MIL stayed at their house for two months; MIL refused - refused - to help out around the house or look after the baby so that DIL could get some rest. Now, I've never had a baby, but I can imagine what my reaction would be to a two month houseguest who would...not...help, particularly if I was getting no sleep. Anyway, MIL decided that I was the better DIL for a few months after that, but eventually the reality of my being the woman who married her baby boy asserted its authority and it was back to hating as usual.
Well, I have one right now. I was the one fixing Thanksgiving dinner. We were to eat at 2 P.M. (old people, you know). It's 2:30, and they still aren't here. We called and they left the house about 10 minutes ago. It's a 40 minute drive. I'm quite ticked because everything was ready to be served at 2 P.M. I've lost my appetite because I'm so mad. :down
My husband is an only child. His Dad died a few years ago, and my MIL lives about 350 miles away. She's a little different, but I'm actually fond of her since she only comes in once a year or so (usually in October) and she stays at a hotel. She travels a lot, and I'm a little envious of her ability to pack her bags and wander off to some middle eastern country or take a cruise at the drop of a hat. Anyway, his mother is it as far a relatives go - he doesn't have any aunts or uncles- so holidays are always with my family.
Anyone remember Mad About You?
Paul's parents, Jamie's inlaws
They are my inlaws
This is why we moved three states away and now only see them once in every five years. Now if I could just move to a remote enough area that they were not able to ring once a week I would be even happier
None taken, Rattus. :lol We both just shake our heads and wonder who left my husband on his parent's doorstep when he was a baby because it's hard to believe he was actually born into that family.
Originally Posted by Rattus
That is so incredibly rude, SV. My brother did that to me one year when I was hosting Christmas. We planned dinner for 1 pm and at 2 pm they were still not here. I was afraid they had been in an accident because we could not reach them. They finally showed up around 2:15 and thought nothing of it. After I had worked so hard and then worried myself sick that something had happened, I was so upset it just ruined the whole day. I completely feel your frustration. :grouphug
Originally Posted by ShrinkingViolet
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