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Thread: Adoption

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    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    Adoption

    Hi all, just wondering if we have any FORTers who're adoptive parents and, if so, what your experiences were like (whether you used an agency overseas or adopted within the U.S. etc.). I've talked to friends who had painless, wonderful adoptions and others who talked about agencies (and these are legal agencies!) who basically just screwed them for tens of thousands of dollars. Mr. Lois Lane and I are thinking about adopting some time down the line... not any time soon so no need to rush on your answers. I know this is a rare occurrence but when it happens there's so much publicity about it... I would hate to adopt a baby and then have the birth mother decide she didn't want to give the baby up for adoption after all. We're considering adopting from both the U.S. and overseas. We don't really care whether it's a boy or a girl as long as the child is healthy and needs a good home. Anyhow, so if you'd care to share, please do so. Thanks to all for reading this.

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    Just Forting Around roseskid's Avatar
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    As an adoptive mother, I can tell you adoption was our salvation for creating a family when conventional natural and medical methods failed us. I don't have time to post right now, but I would be happy to tell you at a later date what worked for us in California.
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    MRD
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    THere are also attorney's that handle private adoptions so you don't have to go through an agency. We have a good friend that used an adoption attorney and they now have a happy, healthy 9 year old that was handed to them when he was just 3 days old.

    Good luck and keep us posted on your progress
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    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    roseskid and myrosiedog, thank you. It's always great to hear about some of the success stories.

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    RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Stargazer's Avatar
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    Hi Lois. I hope if you decide that adoption is for you that you have an easy time of it and are able to enjoy your new family for the rest of your lives. Roseskid is one of the most loving moms I know, so I'm sure she'll have some fantastic advice.

    I know next to nothing about adoption, but I did have one tidbit I thought I'd share. I have two friends in their 30's that were adopted as babies. One was raised knowing she was adopted and the other had it sprung on her when she was in her teens. I don't know if this is typical or not, but the one that grew up knowing has always been a very well-adjusted lady and the other was always a mess. I'm not sure why any parents try to hide something that's a very noble and loving act, but I guess there used to be such a stigma involved with it. It really messed my friend up not to know about it until she was a teenager, though. I'm pretty sure the conventional "wisdom" on adoption has changed and that most people tell the children nowadays, but I just thought I'd share.
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    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    Stargazer, thanks for sharing that. It's always helpful to hear real-life anecdotes like that. I'm not sure what the best time is to tell a child that he or she is adopted, but I'm sure experts and the agencies all have recommended time frames in mind.

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    FORT Fan Brodie's Avatar
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    My sister adopted a baby from China a couple of years ago and had a wonderful experience... She used a well respected agency out of Colorado (I think)... I know she did quite a bit of research... I can get the name if you want...

    A couple of things to consider with overseas... It takes a long time (Over a year for my sister...) They have age restrictions and other issues that factor in... My sister was in her early 30s and adopted a girl who was about 9 months. They actually had a table with what age group you qualify for given your age... If you're closer to 40 the baby will be closer to 5... You also had to be married or in a stable setting for a certain amount of time...

    I guess my point is that I don't know your time frame... But if you're considering overseas adoption "Somewhere down the road..." you may want to get the ball rolling sooner... At least any preliminary stuff...
    Ingorance killed the Cat... Curiousity was framed!

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    Being VIP Yardgnome's Avatar
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    Lois, I don't really have very much knowledge on adoption but one of my employees at work this year went through adopting a child. My employee and his wife decided to do an open adoption. That is where you meet the birth mother ahead of time and are present for the delivery and keep some contact while the child is growing up. They found out they had been selected by a mother and met with her. She was very nice and already had 4 children and did not feel she could raise the 5th. They were at the hospital during the birth and spent two days with the baby feeding it, changing its diapers, and loving it. The day they went to the hospital to go with their new baby to the holding home the birth mother changed her mind and they lost their baby. It was devastating to them.

    After that happened they decided they did not want to do the open adoption process. About a month later they received another baby and he is the cutest little boy. They know about the birth mothers background but that is about it. She selected them so she also has limited knowledge on where her baby is.

    I thought I would share this story because I know they were heartbroken when they did not get the first child. I wish you luck through the process and hope everything goes well.

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    RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Stargazer's Avatar
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    I think it would take a pretty extraordinary birth mother to do open adoption. I think for most women, it would be just too hard to become that invested in the process and then let their child go. I can't imagine how painful that sort of situation would be for all involved.
    "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda

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  10. #10
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brodie View Post
    I guess my point is that I don't know your time frame... But if you're considering overseas adoption "Somewhere down the road..." you may want to get the ball rolling sooner... At least any preliminary stuff...
    Brodie, yeah, we're approaching that (too old) age for infants, so I know that if we're going to adopt from certain countries/agencies, we have to get the ball rolling within the next 12 months or so. I also understand that some agencies won't accept you as potential candidates if you are trying to have your own biological baby at the same time (the concern being, I guess, that you'll lose interest in the adopted baby if you have your "own").

    Yardgnome, that's one of the biggest fears about adopting. How heartbreaking for everyone involved. I can understand the birth mother's reticence to let the baby go--especially after holding him/her. But how awful for the parents who thought they would get to take the baby home.

    I know that some of my friends who got pregnant after their 2nd or 3rd child weren't happy about their unplanned pregnancies. But once the baby was born, oh, they were so in love. I'm guessing that's what happens sometimes to birth mothers who think they don't want the baby...

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