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Thread: Adoption

  1. #11
    FORT Fogey Glitternerfball's Avatar
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    One of my co-workers just got back from Russia with his baby boy. He had been trying to adopt/invitro for a long time, and had a great lawyer but couldn't take the US adoption system, he said it was like they're trying to get you to go overseas. he also had a huge fear that the child would end up back with the birth mother after they bonded.

    His Russian child is a beautiful 1 year old baby boy (and he and his wife are both mid-forties) just be aware of the tremendous cost, well over 50,000 with all the flight's (and greasing of palms, he said they toy with you A LOT once there, and then choose the hotel for you to stay in which was well over 10 times the cost of the ones on hotel.com, etc.). In fact, to get back to the US they were keeping him, until he paid them more money and then VOILA it's all through. But even so, it took at least a year to get this beautiful child.

    And to reiiterate on the telling - I also had a friend that was adopted, and his parents never bothered to tell him. Then one day he was going through their closet looking for something and found that cliched shoebox. Turns out his mother fought to have him returned and there was a legal battle, his adopted parents - being ministers - proved they were better suited for the boy. Tough way to find out that you were not only adopted, but that your real mother whom you never met wanted you all along. And yeah, he's real messed up from that. Lieing is not good.

    I wish you the best in whatever you choose! Taking in and raising a child is just so awesome.

  2. #12
    FORT Fan Brodie's Avatar
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    Here's a link for the agency my sister used. http://www.chinesechildren.org/Adoption/Process.aspx There's a lot of good information and tips about the process that probably apply to any overseas adoption even if you don't use this particular agency... If you have any specific questions you want answered, PM me with an E-mail and I'm sure my sister would be happy to contact you directly...
    Ingorance killed the Cat... Curiousity was framed!

  3. #13
    Leave No Trace ADKLove's Avatar
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    Lois - what a lovely thing to be considering. Truly. I wish you all the best. I never thought it mattered too much how people become family - the important thing is that they are family.


    My only personal experience with adoption was when my husband adopted my daughter. In NY, both parents (even me, as birth mother and continuous sole legal and physical custodian) had to be investigated, be the subject of a home study, and since I was giving up sole rights and responsiblities to share with my husband, kind of "adopt" my own child by going through the whole process and paperwork and fingerprinting and interviews. (Weird, really, considering had I just shacked up with some messed up guy who didn't take an interest in my child no one would have even cared. ) But I digress.

    The process of our "simple" adoption (her birth father had never paid support nor had I ever requested it and had already tried to voluntarily give up his parental rights during the divorce process, and readily was consenting to the adoption) took about a year and a half. $3,500 adoption plus additional costs of service, court fees, cost of the home study (yes, I paid a social worker to investigate me in my own home to determine if I would be a good mother for my own child who I was "adopting" ), etcetera, so about $4,800. (Not to mention the wills being changed and so forth). But I digress. Again.

    The warmth and love and peace and ease and joy we all felt on April 6th of this year in court, the date of the final adoption - the date my daughter and my husband will now share each year as their "I Choose You" day - that day made everything that came before irrelevant.
    Love many, trust a few, and always paddle your own canoe

  4. #14
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    Oh gees you guys. You're making me cry! And I'm not a crier! ADKLove, that's such a lovely story.

    Glitternerfball, I'm crying for another reason after reading your post... the $$!!!

    Brodie, thank you for the link...

    OK, I'm a little sobby now so I'll post more later. Thanks all!

  5. #15
    Premium Member dagwood's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stargazer View Post
    I think it would take a pretty extraordinary birth mother to do open adoption. I think for most women, it would be just too hard to become that invested in the process and then let their child go. I can't imagine how painful that sort of situation would be for all involved.

    I did the open adoption thing and it was the most difficult thing I have ever done. The only time I met the adoptive parents was whent hey picked her up from the hospital. I don't know where she is now, but I know she is ok.

    I am just adding that open is an ok way to go. Most birth mothers don't change their minds. In fact, I think open makes it easier as you know that the people that are taking your baby are good people and you feel comfortable with them. As much as I wanted to change my mind, I can't imagine doing that to them. I think it would be easier if you didn't know the parents because it would be faceless people being hurt rather than people you know.

    Good luck, Lois.
    He who laughs last thinks slowest

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  6. #16
    Premium Member canuckinchile's Avatar
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    Wow..Dagwood, you are my hero. I know it took enormous heart.

  7. #17
    Premium Member dagwood's Avatar
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    Thanks. It was tough, but it was the best decision in the situation. I was 18, single and making $3.35 an hour. Not exactly the best way to start a new life. This way she has both a mother and a father. She just turned 16 a couple of weeks ago. Freaks me out.
    He who laughs last thinks slowest

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  8. #18
    RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Stargazer's Avatar
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    I always knew you were an extraordinary person, dagwood. That was a brave and loving act.
    "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda

    "I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson

  9. #19
    fortfan shyra's Avatar
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    My brother and his wife adopted a 2 month old baby boy and it only took them a year...of course it helped them out to know the person in charge of adopting. They had to go to court with him at 6 months of age to legally adopt him because the birth mom had that time to change her mind.

    I was adopted at 2 months of age as well and mine was finished quick...no waiting for six months to see if my birth mom would change her mind or not.

    I always knew that I was adopted and for me, because I had such a great childhood (spoiled rotten) I never thought to much about my birth mom and only thought that she was very selfless in giving me up. Years later when I had kids of my own I began to wonder about my birth parents and wanted to know my medical background more then anything. It took me 11 years through Childrens Aid to find her and when I met her we actually got along and still do...now I have her as well as 2 brothers and they all lived within 6 blocks of me for the first 6 years of my life..how strange is that? Even stranger for me was the fact that I went to school with my aunt. lol

    For me, I know alot of people who were adopted but had high expectations of meeting their birth parents in hopes of a better life then they had growing up..me....I was lucky and had everything I could possibly want. It might have been different on me had a grew up in an abusive home. Anyways, I found if I didn't have expectations then I would be fine but having met my birth mom I say I am fortunate to have had 2 moms to turn to and it helped that my birth mom didn't expect me to call her mom etc....she knew my mom was the one who raised me and was there for me through my life but it is great that we are close.

    sorry for rambling on and on.

  10. #20
    On a cupcake mission! Lois Lane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shyra View Post
    I always knew that I was adopted and for me, because I had such a great childhood (spoiled rotten)
    As you should've been! How wonderful to have such wonderful parents AND to have found your birth mom--who's such a nice woman. That's really heartwarming to hear.

    And Dagwood, I can't believe that at such a young age, you were able to do such a selfless, wonderful thing in such a mature way. I'm pretty sure that if I had been in your shoes, my emotions would've possibly prevented me from doing the right thing. You were actually thinking about what's best for the baby and I'm sure she's doing well with her family.

    I know I started this thread as a means to find info for me, but I'm learning so much about my fellow FORTers that I never would've guessed. And I'm sure there are other folks out there who are considering adoption who are learning a lot from here as well. So thank you to you all.

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