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Thread: Worst case scenario

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    Sexy evil genius Paulie's Avatar
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    Worst case scenario

    I have that daily calendar for the Worst Case Scenario. It's actually a pretty bad calendar. When it was given to me, I thought every day would be amusing little "How To" type articles. Unfortunately, there are several days devoted to "Today's Hero" and "Today in Survival History." These amount to just birthday information for people like Chuck Yeager or stories about when Jaws was released on film.

    HOWEVER...today's "How To" seems very valuable so I thought I'd share it with everyone. You know, just in case. You can never be too careful.

    How To Foil a UFO Abduction
    ------------------------------------
    1. Control your thoughts
    Do not think of anything violent or upsetting - the extraterrestrial biological entity (EBE) may have the ability to read your mind.

    2. Resist verbally
    Firmly tell the EBE to leave you alone.

    3. Resist mentally
    Picture yourself enveloped in a protective shield of white light, or in a safe place. Telepathic EBEs may get the message.

    4. As a last resort, go for the EBE's eyes - you will not know what its other more sensitive areas are.
    ------------------------------------

    So there you go. And hey, everyone. Let's be careful out there.
    Last edited by Paulie; 02-25-2003 at 01:20 PM.
    When you're ten years old and a car drives by and splashes a puddle of water all over you, it's hard to decide if you should go to school like that or try to go home and change and probably be late. So while he was trying to decide, I drove by and splashed him again. - Jack Handey

    Read Paulie's Precaps for Survivor:Vanuatu: 1-2-3-4-5

  2. #2
    The race is back! John's Avatar
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    No way, man. The last EBE I tried to poke in the eyes, little jaws opened up in them and they tried to bite me.

  3. #3
    Sexy evil genius Paulie's Avatar
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    My dad always said if I ever bumped into an actual alien, I'd discover that I have more in common with a slime mold than with the alien.
    When you're ten years old and a car drives by and splashes a puddle of water all over you, it's hard to decide if you should go to school like that or try to go home and change and probably be late. So while he was trying to decide, I drove by and splashed him again. - Jack Handey

    Read Paulie's Precaps for Survivor:Vanuatu: 1-2-3-4-5

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    LG.
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    Um, and your dad would know that because . . .

    You're The Thing, dammit, nobody look at Paulie, he's The Thing.

    *covers eyes and runs away*
    Help fight cystic fibrosis or just learn more about it at the cystic fibrosis foundation website, www.cff.org and help give my little guy a better future.

  5. #5
    Sexy evil genius Paulie's Avatar
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    I'm also telepathic, LG, and you're not thinking about a protective shield of white light! RRrrroooarrrr!!!!

    - The Thing
    When you're ten years old and a car drives by and splashes a puddle of water all over you, it's hard to decide if you should go to school like that or try to go home and change and probably be late. So while he was trying to decide, I drove by and splashed him again. - Jack Handey

    Read Paulie's Precaps for Survivor:Vanuatu: 1-2-3-4-5

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    eny
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    Thats really useful Info. I would have never gone for the eyes first. Is there a whole protocol somewhere for the dealing with EBE's ?
    I like to be prepared.

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    Sexy evil genius Paulie's Avatar
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    Not sure if there's a protocol out there, Eny. I'll take a look.

    I do remember an article in the Weekly World News years ago which detailed how to tell if your neighbor is an alien. Subtle hints like confusion about normal everyday occurrences, bizarre projects, and so forth.

    I think we had an alien across the street at my last house. He left his lawn partially unmowed for a days at a time with the lawnmower just sitting out on the lawn. His Christmas light display was untimely and unusual. And he never really noticed people around him when they waved at him. I'd have been in dire trouble, though, if he'd ever attacked me. I wouldn't have known all this important stuff.
    When you're ten years old and a car drives by and splashes a puddle of water all over you, it's hard to decide if you should go to school like that or try to go home and change and probably be late. So while he was trying to decide, I drove by and splashed him again. - Jack Handey

    Read Paulie's Precaps for Survivor:Vanuatu: 1-2-3-4-5

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    The race is back! John's Avatar
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    You won't believe this until you see it, but clicking here will give you many great ideas.

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    Come Along, Pond phat32's Avatar
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    Re: Worst case scenario

    Originally posted by Paulie
    1. Control your thoughts
    Do not think of anything violent or upsetting - the extraterrestrial biological entity (EBE) may have the ability to read your mind.

    2. Resist verbally
    Firmly tell the EBE to leave you alone.

    3. Resist mentally
    Picture yourself enveloped in a protective shield of white light, or in a safe place. Telepathic EBEs may get the message.

    4. As a last resort, go for the EBE's eyes - you will not know what its other more sensitive areas are.
    [/B]
    Note to all you single fellas out there: This is also very useful information in dealing with your girlfriend when she wants to engage you in some hourlong discussion about buying an expensive, useless knick-knack for the house, especially when the household budget is tight.

    phat32

    (Who would tell the E.T.: "How about we skip the polite chit-chat, guys, and get right to the anal-probe?")
    "...Every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things donít always soften the bad things, but...the bad things donít always spoil the good things." - The Doctor

  10. #10
    Smiling again... Zhora's Avatar
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    I've never seen that calendar before, but I have a book that sounds like it might be related. It's a pretty entertaining read.

    Iím haunted a little this evening by feelings that have no vocabulary and events that should be explained in dimensions of lint rather than words.
    -Richard Brautigan

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