FORT Koffee Klatch

[MRD]

Here's what I think is an interesting issue. One of the kids at my center where I tutor asked me if I was married. In truth, I said that I used to be. He asked me if "he'd left me"...I told him that I'd left him. And then he proceeded to tell me about his parents and how they had fought about money, and his sister and him. We talked about why people leave each other.

That is the first time that I've dealt with something like that. I really didn't know where to go from there. Luckily, something interrupted us, and I was out of that loop. This broke my heart for him. For me...yeah, well...whatever.... and made me not like my ex- all over again.

Teachers have so many social work issues to deal with, in addition to basic teaching issues. You guys have all of my respect, because I couldn't do it.



God bless all of you.

Shay, that is hard. I've dealt with a few things like that before. Just listen is all you can do. Encourage the child to ask their regular teacher if they can talk to the guidence counselor.

A small word of warning though. I know of a case where someone like you gave out some personal information and was taken to task for it.
I had a child say some things like that to me, except she didn't volunteer any info of her own, but kept asking increasingly personal questions of me. Because of what happened in the above case, I had to tell the child. "I'm sorry, but that's kind of personal and I don't talk about those things." She was asking me why I got married and did I think my husband would ever have a girlfriend and that men lie and did I think my husband lied to me? WTF? You know what she was hearing about at home. I felt bad, but again, as the questions got even more personal, I had to shut them down.

But know that you probably helped that child. It sometimes doesn't take much to make a difference in a child's life.

[Gutmutter]

I'll never forget one year when we were "celebrating" Day of the Dead in my class and part of it was remembering funny stories about family, friends, or pets who had died and one girl (really hard-core goth) shared how her dad had died slowly from cancer at home and refused to forgive her for the mistakes she had made in her life. She ended up in tears and the class was incredibly supportive, but I remember thinking, "whoa - too much!". I've really backed off of that part of the lesson.

[prhoshay]

This boy is about 7-8 years old, and doesn't stay on any one thing too long. I'm amazed at how much ADD is out there. Never realized. We went right onto "Are your nails real? Is your hair a wig?" Why are kid fascinated by nails??

And, Gut, you know I bet that girl had been needing to get that painful dad info out for a long time. I'm guessing you did a good thing.

[MRD]

I have a friend that is going to the beach for 10 days and she invited me to go with her. The accomodations are paid for, I would just have to pay for my food, drink and gas to get there. I told her it was a very generous offer, but that at this time I really can't afford to go and I also have some upcoming commitments. So she really wants me to go and suggested I take the bus from Greenville to Parris Island, SC as that would be cheaper than me driving.
NOT going on the bus for a nice 8 hour trip that takes 4 by car. Definetly NOT riding on a bus full of Marine recuits on their last 2 hours of freedom before bootcamp begins between Charleston, SC and Parris Island.

I had visions of my mom flying to meet me and my dad in Corpus Christi, TX when I was 15. The ENTIRE plane was Navy sailors going from Orlando Naval Training station to more training in TX. My mom was the ONLY civilian on the plane and she said it was the FLIGHT from hell. But it was easy in baggage claim as hers was the only suitcase in a whole pile of seabags.

How do you keep saying no to someone who REFUSES to take no for an answer? I've tried "NO". I've tried "No, I can't afford it". I've tried, "No, I can't afford it and I have some commitments that I can't (won't) reschedule."
I've tried the "it's a very generous offer and I'm touched, but I just can't go this year".
It's getting to where I don't want to answer the phone. I know she's lonely and wants to have a friend there (her teenagers are going and they are both taking a friend. She's not married), but I really can't go. I'd love to go. But I just can't right now.

You know, when I have a friend that I ask to do something and they can't. I leave it at that. I don't make a pain of myself begging them to do whatever it is. Otherwise she's a good friend. But she just will NOT listen to me on this.

[just1paul]

LOOK - I've tried to TELL YOU. AS MUCH AS I WANT TO I SIMPLY CANNOT AFFORD THIS. Maybe next time.

[famita]

Newf- I thought you'd feel comfortable on the roof-kind of a weather look-out person (yes, I'm kidding!)

MRD-some people just can't seem to take a "no" for a "no". I'm sure any of us would enjoy going with her! You might want to mention us. (I can see it now- mrd saying, "Well, I can't go, but I have several other friends that might want to go with you. No, I haven't met all of them face-to-face yet, but i'm sure they're nice people!")

[MRD]

Famita,
I'll let her know that there are several people that can go in my place.

She has other friends, but none of them can go either. They all have jobs (lucky them, wishing I had one now as that seems to be the only form of NO she understands: "No, I have to work".)

Gabriel, I've actually tried that. She honestly thinks that if she keeps nagging me, I'll give in. But I can't change my finances and I am NOT RIDING THE BUS!!!!!!!! Period, end of sentence. NO BUS.
And I've said it almost word for word.

My husband said he will tell her, but I know he won't be tactful, but then again, she's not being either.

It's really thoughtful, really generous, but ain't going to work for me this year.

Different topic. Most misunderstood conversation in my house recently.

My daughter and I were talking last night (a rare, but wonderful thing to be sure. ) and there was something she wanted me to do with her on Mon., and that is the day I see the urologist. She asked me if we could do it after and I said: "I don't know, I usually don't feel well after a trip to that doctor because they always manage to do things that irritate my plumbing" (except I used another word, but am trying not to get too medical and graphic here on FORT).
She got a weird look on her face, and said: "what have they done to you?"
I told her that there have been several times that they've catherized me and done things that gave me a lot of pain and I mentioned a time that I had some polyps removed.

Now she has a REALLY WEIRD look on her face and asks:
"brain polyps?"

Me: "brain polyps? What ARE you talking about?".

She says: "they can do that in the doctor's office?"

Me: "What are you talking about?" (still not realizing that we essentially have 2 different conversations going on at the same time because what she is hearing is NOT what I'm saying)

She finally says she thought I was going to the Neurologist and I say "no, the doctor that doctors the OTHER END!, the URologist"

She couldn't figure out why I was going to be catherized to remove brain polyps and that they could do that in the doctor's office and was actually kind of worried and scared she admitted later. She is a smart kid most of the time, but I really think maybe she had a brain polyp during this conversation.

[just1paul]

Thank You! dear lady for the LAUGH of the day. Brain Polyps.

[Gutmutter]

I didn't know you had brain polyps, MRD. That explains a lot

[Amy Lee]

Tell your friend you have brain polyps.