FORT Koffee Klatch

[femme fatale]

Sounds like a lot of fun. We need to see pictures. Especially of you as the Stepford Wife.
Happy Birthday.

The problem with that is that I'm always the one holding the camera. Obviously I could've asked someone to take my picture, but I rarely do. I am going to take a picture to put up on a crafting site, so maybe I'll gear up again and pretend I'm at the party.

[just1paul]

Another funny thing is that he takes things that aren't his - he took my CD player up to his room without a word and he has taken my son's (away at college) clothes and started wearing them without asking. I know he has spending money and we've taken him to the mall several times, so it's not like he doesn't have access to buying his own clothes (which he has done to a limited extent). I also wonder if he's a little autistic. When he's standing waiting for something, he shifts his weight from foot to foot, weaving back and forth. He's very artistic - likes to draw. We chose him because his profile said he was a swimmer and that's what we do... swim team, teach lessons, swim laps, lifeguard. He said his mom filled that out and he doesn't know how to swim. Also his picture is obviously a much younger one. I feel like we were swindled.

I personally am beginning to get lousy vibes from this one.....

[MRD]

If I was living in a foreign country as an exchange student and my host family told me if I didn't help out around the house then I would be replaced, I would for sure take that as a threat.

Maybe this is just me but I definitely feel like there is a better way to phrase the "consequence."

I could have phrased it better. But I certainly didn't mean it to be taken as a threat. And after having gone through the experience myself with an exchange student who causes trouble, you sometimes do get to the place with them, where talking it out doesn't work and you do have to make known that they are guests not only in this country but in your home and as such, there are rules and there are consquences.

In our case, we were dealing with underage drinking and drug taking and I guess that did color my way of dealing with things because as her hosts, we felt we were responsible and the drinking and drug taking were NOT something I was willing to put up with and in her case were grounds to be removed not just from our home, but from the program and the country. We gave ours many chances to change her behavior and I guess we did finally have to resort to a threat of sorts because I told her that if she was picked up by the law, she would not be coming back to our house, but would most likely be on the next plane out of this country if she did not end up staying as a guest of the state while charges were brought against her.

I'm going to be real honest here and say that having an exchange student was not what we expected after having been through the training and talking with other hosts. I will never do it again, it was not a good experience and it doesn't sound like Gut is having a good experience either.
Different cultures aside, the house you are staying in is not a hotel, its a home where a family lives and the student is expected to do certain things. It is in the contract that THEY sign regardless of whether the parents make the decisions or not. The program we were with, has the students go through a week "training" before they go to their host families and they are given a contract at that time as to what is expected of them for the program. It is then up to the hosts to work out house rules after that. But the kids are told to expect house rules. They aren't thrown into this without some information, so they should at least know a few things before the placement.

I have been a guest in homes out of the country and I did my best to be a good guest, but I've also found that good guests in any country are few and far between.

[misskitty]

myrosiedog: Meowza! What a hot looking babe you are! Your hubby is lucky to have you. Your USO dance sounded absolutely fun and fabulous! Kudos to you for your great looking outfit!

femmefatale: Belated Happy Birthday wishes! Your party sounded really great! Do you have any photos to share? Having a theme was a terrific idea! I hope you have a great year ahead!

Gutmutter: My heart goes out to you for your situation with your foreign exchange student. I think that whether a person visiting is an exchange student, family or friends, they should respect that they are in your home and not take advantage as if they can do anything they want and take and eat whatever they want. There are family if not cultural customs that should be respected. Sheesh!

Like all things, I'm sure there are great student exchange experiences and not so great ones.

We had a couple students on a work exchange through AISEC when I worked at the Bank. There was work to learn and a project to be completed. Unfortunately, the two that we had decided they were there for a vacation. They didn't want to learn anything, work at all, and their project had to be cut down to basically a Q and A piece which I put together! Forget about any marketing skills they were to learn. Their main goal was to get to the bars after work to party with other exchange students and take a big trip to the mountains.

It was a total waste of time on the part of our business and any experience that would have benefitted them being there. Really frustrating. The ones who learned the most about this exchange program was us!

[Gutmutter]

Again, thanks to all who have given advice or just shared in my story. I set some time aside today to meditate with a CD I used a lot when I was undergoing cancer treatment and focussed on opening my heart to this poor boy. I don't think he's being intentionally difficult and as several of you have pointed out, he can't read my mind. I made a nice dinner tonight and gave him the biggest portion. I will try to work on adjusting my attitude and being as clear as I can about expectations. If it were my son living for a year in a foreign country I would want no less for him.

[prhoshay]

By the way, Gut, I've never seen a teenaged boy that didn't want to eat everything in sight. They are so unlike girls!

[burntbrat]

Gut, I agree with everyone here about laying out a list of chores that he is expected to do. And maybe for the food, you could make up a plate for your daughter and wrap it in saran wrap and tell him specifically that this is your daughter's plate and he can't eat it?? I would be flattered that he likes your cooking so much to polish it all off, but you do have to look out for the others. It's interesting that he eats food like he doesn't have that kind of access at home!

[Gutmutter]

I think their main staples are fish and rice. He doesn't seem to like or want fruits and veggies. Not sure if he's not familiar with our varieties or just doesn't like them in general. I know that anything sweet is gone in a blink, even things I know he's never had before like grape pie and cranberry pudding. I wonder if he's ever had pumpkin pie.

[femme fatale]

femmefatale: Belated Happy Birthday wishes! Your party sounded really great! Do you have any photos to share? Having a theme was a terrific idea! I hope you have a great year ahead!

Actually, my birthday is on Thursday, so you're not late yet... Since I was the one holding the camera I don't appear in any of the pictures. I must remember to put myself in front of the camera as well. I know someone else had a camera so I hope they have caught me.

[veejer]

I think their main staples are fish and rice. He doesn't seem to like or want fruits and veggies. Not sure if he's not familiar with our varieties or just doesn't like them in general. I know that anything sweet is gone in a blink, even things I know he's never had before like grape pie and cranberry pudding. I wonder if he's ever had pumpkin pie.

Sounds like you'd better make two!!!!