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Thread: FORT Koffee Klatch

  1. #5211
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by Lois Lane;2569826;
    When I got married, people wanted to know if I was pregnant (we had a short engagement). I wasn't (although now I wish I had been!), but what kind of question is that? And I was in my 30's...it's not like I was some kid! They asked the same thing of my brother and his wife who also had a relatively short engagement. And then when they didn't have kids right away, people would ask them when they were going to have kids. My sister actually had a long engagement but got married younger than me--she was in her early 20's. People wanted to know why she was taking so long to have babies...Um, maybe because she'd like to enjoy her marriage before popping out a baby right away? HOW RUDE!

    It's odd. Most people won't ask how much you weigh or how much money you earn, but they have no qualms about asking you questions about your reproductive choices.

    I can't believe people would ask that? Geez. My SIL is Korean. She is adopted. I knew her before I met her brother, my eventual husband. Do you know how many people would ask me if he was Korean when our engagement was announced? I found that really offensive. Like what does it matter?
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by myrosiedog;2570182;
    I can't believe people would ask that? Geez. My SIL is Korean. She is adopted. I knew her before I met her brother, my eventual husband. Do you know how many people would ask me if he was Korean when our engagement was announced? I found that really offensive. Like what does it matter?
    I'll bet your nieces and nephews are beautiful! You should've just said that your fiance was Korean and let them get the surprise of theirs lives when MyBogieDog walked down the aisle at your wedding!

    People are weird. I think most of them (in my examples as well) don't mean to come across as rude, but that doesn't change the fact that they still are (inadvertently or not). I remember when I was out of college, my mother bought me a Vuitton handbag. It was hideously ugly, but she thought I'd like it--I'd rather she gave me the money, but I know that she had the best of intentions when she gave it to me so I made sure to save it (and still use it on occasion). At my first post-college job, this woman (about my age) that I worked with came up to me and asked if it was real, which was rude in itself. Before I could say yes, and that it was a gift, she picked it up and began examining it to make sure it was real. Honestly, what does she care if I'm carrying a fake or a real Vuitton bag? I should've picked at her roots and asked her if she was a real redhead. (BTW, that answer would've been "no"! )

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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I'm pregnant with my second baby and although this time I didn't gain much weight, I have a huge stomach (which probably will translate into a big baby). You should hear the comments I get daily and see the looks of pity. I know people mean well and I know they think they are comedians when they ask if I'm sure I'm not expecting twins, but when it's the 20th person asking you the same thing that day, it gets a little annoying.
    I did tell one person I was having triplets when she asked the twin question.

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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I think what got to me about the asking if he was Korean was that they would lower their voice and lean in and whisper the question like it was something to be ashamed of.

    And yes, my nephew is very handsome. He was our ringbearer when we got married and now he's out of college and working in banking. Hard to believe that both my flower girls are married with kids and my ringbearer is a banker.

    I cannot BELIEVE someone would examine your purse. OMG, that is soooo tacky. You should have grabbed her boobs and asked if they were real.

    Well, what's worse than all the questions about having kids and not having kids, is that when I was pregnant, perfect strangers would walk up to me and put their hands on my stomach! EWWW! No! That is not even remotely ok even if I KNOW you. I always stepped backwards when they did that.

    But I also had someone ask me if I was pregnant when I wasn't. Boy was she embarrassed when I said: "no, just fat"

    I NEVER ask anyone if they are pregnant even before that happened to me. I have run into people I know that looked like they might be, but then again, maybe not, so I just wouldn't say anything unless they mentioned it.

    But the unsolicited advice, the 500 hour labor horror stories and the touching of the pregnant belly I hated all that. And this was from strangers. It's bad enough when its friends or family, but people in a store? That is just too personal and I am the one that will talk to anyone, but even I drew the line at that level of personal contact.
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    Premium Member DesertRose's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    The touching of the pregnant belly must be cultural or regional, because I've never had that and neither has anyone I know that's been pregnant. The only people that touch my stomach are friends and that is only after they've asked the first time.

    Actually, I tell my friends that they can rub the buddha's belly and make a wish, but first they have to make a food offering...

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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by DesertRose;2570250;
    The touching of the pregnant belly must be cultural or regional, because I've never had that and neither has anyone I know that's been pregnant. The only people that touch my stomach are friends and that is only after they've asked the first time.

    Actually, I tell my friends that they can rub the buddha's belly and make a wish, but first they have to make a food offering...


    I wish I had thought of this way back when. Perfect answer for those strangers that wanted to touch my stomach.

    This actually reminds me of a friend that had breast augmentation. This was when our kids were small and the 2 families were together one night and she kept going on and on and on and ON about her new breasts. My husband finally said: "so, are you going to stop talking about them and show them to us?" I almost fell off my chair. He was joking, but only sort of. He said later. "I really got tired of hearing about it and that shut her up didn't it?" True it did, but I dont' think she ever really forgave him.
    He's really quiet. Most people always comment on how quiet he is (in relation to me, I have to wonder. ), but when he does say something, its usually something like this. I have been so embarrassed, because he can be tactless, but usually his comments are what everyone else is thinking but no one will say and it usually shuts up the person that the comment is aimed at which is his goal usually. He can behave in public, but I am usually nervous when we are around new people.

    ETA: How many times can I actually use the word "usually"?
    It's bedtime, after re-reading that post. Good night!
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    People amaze me with what they will ask. I have a friend that always told people when they asked if she was going to have a baby (and then another) that they weren't having one yet but they were practicing a lot!! They don't ask her that anymore since they now have 5 kids.

    I had a miscarriage several years ago. I have one daughter and she was 4 when that happened. We chose to not have any more children, but still I would get a lot of people asking when we were going to have more. I couldn't believe the insensitivity of some people. Some of those people even knew that I'd had a miscarriage. Since I am ok with talking about it I would always say that I'd had that miscarriage. Not because I necessarily wanted to share something so personal with everyone, but because of all the people who are trying and can't or have had numerous miscarriages, or perhaps don't even want them. I always hoped by my direct answer that those people would think twice before they asked the next person. It sure does end conversations in a hurry.

    I have a very close friend that is struggling with getting prenant right now. I rarely ask her anything about it. I know she has good days and bad days and she knows that I am always open to talking about it. I usually leave it up to her to bring anything about that subject. It's just too hard on her.

    We were a couple that said when we got married that we wouldn't have children. Then we made the choice to have one (and actually to get pregnant the 2nd time as well.) I have never regretted it, I love my daughter but I don't think I'm the best mother in the world. I try to be a good mom, and I think I am better at it than my mother was. And I found out that more than one kid at a time is very stressful for me. I can handle it in small doses, but I get edgy when it's for too long.

    No matter what it's just not anyone else's business and you never know who you will hurt with your questions. And if someone has made the choice to not have children they shouldn't have to explain that either.
    Last edited by justCoz; 09-12-2007 at 09:12 PM.

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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    re: grilling breakfast... When we had that huge blackout in 2004 (I think?) My husband pulled out his camping supplies and cooked us up a full breakfast. The neighbour across the back lane came out on her porch and gaped at us. She said "OMG I thought I smelled bacon!" Besides the A/C being out we were hardly inconvenienced at all.
    "Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."

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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by justCoz;2570317;
    I don't think I'm the best mother in the world. I try to be a good mom, and I think I am better at it than my mother was.

    I love that you said this! It's so important! We are not super-human, stepford super-moms. As long as we are making our own parenting mistakes and rolling with what life throws at us we are doing a damned good job. You can gauge your parenting by how happy your child is.

    Ok I have to revise that.. how happy your child under 10 is and how unhappy your tween/teen is.. because if they are pissed at you, you are probably doing a good job!
    "Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."

  10. #5220
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    You guys always have the best advice. What - if anything- should I do about this? I was driving to school yesterday past a group of my students waiting for the bus. I was driving slowly and the car behind me didn't like it, so was driving up my back bumper. Then one kid PUSHED another kid in front of my car. I didn't hit the kid or slam on my brakes (or I would have been rear-ended). So should I do anything? No harm no foul? It wasn't on school property. I don't really want to get the police involved. I know they wouldn't do anything. Advice? I've already talked to them in my classroom to let them know it was wrong - they laughed.
    Count your blessings!

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