FORT Koffee Klatch

[prhoshay]

I just love how this discussion took off and flew!

[schmoo2]

This discussion actually makes me want to go make a snack.

[MissThing]

This discussion actually makes me want to go make a snack.

I hope it's brownies .

[Lucy]

And actually, drug rate at our school is pretty low, probably because of one of the gym teachers, she's so amazingly open that none of us really have any interest in anything...She tells us that while she is lesbian, she's had encounters with both genders, while she preaches drug free as the way to be, that's not always how she was, while she's a law-abiding citizen now, she wasn't always...

And she doesn't regret any of it. *However* she's just as fast to tell us that she's loat a few childhood friends to these same "issues," if you will, and she doesn't want to go through it with a student. So she says that if there'a ever anything wrong, she will probably be the only teacher we can go to who wouldn't judge us AT ALL, and we all believe her.

Of course, after her sotries there isn't much left to the imagination....probably part of her "drug free is the way to be" world-domination plan.

I'm surprised no parent or school administrator has put a stop to such "openness," as her talking about drug use and sexuality with young kids like yourselves is bound to be directly against school policy, if not law.

[geek the girl]

I was so pathetic as a teenager, I didn't even have a curfew--there was no need since I never went anywhere.

And here I thought I was the only one! I spent the better part of my adolescent years in my room, reading and listening to music, or writing in my journal about all the parties I didn't miss going to. It actually got to the point where my parents would try to persuade me to go out. This is what a parent-daughter exchange could sound like on a typical Friday night circa 1995:

MR & MRS GEEK [cautiously knocking on a door covered with band stickers and KEEP OUT! signs]: Honey, do you have any plans tonight?
ME [sprawled out on my bed, nose in book, R.E.M.'s Monster or Nick Cave's Murder Ballads blasting on the stereo, totally unresponsive]
MRS & MRS GEEK: Honey, isn't there a party at X's house? Why don't you go?
ME [continues reading]

My parents were completely open with me about their pasts, whether it was about sex, drugs, or their own relationship with their parents. If anything, they would get a bit too graphic, which totally grossed me out. . Overall, I would say I had a VERY liberal upbringing. No curfews, no boundaries. (But then again, I didn't need them!) I was even allowed to have the occasional sip of wine with dinner every now and then, since my parents believed it was better to take the exciting, forbidden part away. This theory has been debunked by several scientists devoted to alcohol studies, by the way.

So, to sum up: my upbringing didn't give me much to rebel against. I soon found out that my only way of acting rebellious would be by being a total square. I wasn't curious about alcohol, drugs, or even sex until I was old enough to actually engage in at least two of those activities. (The legal age for drinking is 18 in Sweden.) In any case, their liberal, live and let live school of parenting worked great with me. With my younger brother, not so great. Still, we both turned into at least vaguely functional human beings in the end. Sure, I was a tea-sipping, Kafka-reading, corduroy-wearing prudish über-geek, but I honestly didn't feel like I was missing out on all the fun. I was happy being lost in phonics, and in retrorespect, I'm glad that I spent my teens adding brain cells as opposed to wrecking the ones I already had. In my last high school year, I looked up from my tattered copy of The Stranger, took off my headphones and realised that not all of my class mates were imbecils. Some of them had even heard of some of those bands NME told me to get into. Ever since then, I've been an introverted extrovert - or should I say extroverted introvert? Despite being a total goody-two-shoes throughout my teens, I've never felt the urge to lash out and make up for those years spent in my bedroom with fictional friends. Sure, I enjoy going out with my friends and have a glass of wine or four every once in a while, but despite starting drinking at a late age, I never felt the need to drink myself into a slobbering, staggering mess, like most teens do at some point. Hence the "geek" part of my nick name. I tried pot once when I lived in the UK, but the whole experience just left me nauseous and hungry. Not for me.

I guess what I'm saying is, there is no fixed manual for how parents should interact with their children. For every geeky shut-in, there is an extroverted, fun-loving teen who, like several of you have pointed out earlier on, would have become twice the rebel by a strict parenting style. There are no easy answers on this one. Still, I've enjoyed reading everyone's thoughts.

ETA: For the record, I think corduroys rock, but I was the only one who thought so in suburban Stockholm in the early 90's.

[roseskid]

I'm surprised no parent or school administrator has put a stop to such "openness," as her talking about drug use and sexuality with young kids like yourselves is bound to be directly against school policy, if not law.

Yes, if my daughter had told me she had a teacher talking about her personal sex life and prior drug use (even if she no longer dappled in it), I'd be furious - it has nothing to do with which way her door swings either. It amazes me how some adults can overshare like this. Our children do not need to know such personal information about their teachers.

But the BIGGEST thing that had an affect on her was a friend of our's 14 year old daughter went blind after doing ectasy and our daughter was about 10 and was very good friends with the younger sister. So she saw first hand at a VERY impressionable age what happened to someone she knew who had snuck out of the house and done drugs. Thankfully the girl regained her sight, but it was touch and go for a while.

MRD, I'm curious how she had lost her eyesight from ecstasy, how is it she regained her eyesight, and how long it took?

[livin4reality]

I gotta agree with you Lucy. TMI for your students.

I've heard that pot nowadays is much stronger than it was back in my day (70's) Since I haven't smoked any for 30 years or so I don't know.

[Rattus]

guess what I'm saying is, there is no fixed manual for how parents should interact with their children. For every geeky shut-in, there is an extroverted, fun-loving teen who, like several of you have pointed out earlier on, would have become twice the rebel by a strict parenting style. There are no easy answers on this one. Still, I've enjoyed reading everyone's thoughts.

Absolutely true. I am by nature a geeky shut-in (that's how I'm happily spending my parent-free adult years), but my parents, my father in particular, was a conservative, god-fearing martinet who believed that free thinking and the right to choose one's own path in life was absolutely not appropriate for a kid. Consequently, while under his thumb I got into as much trouble as was possible without being allowed any freedom, including several suicide attempts. Once I reached the age where I no longer required their permission to do anything, I ran and ran and ran and took to managing my own life with no more bad behaviour. I haven't seen either of them since 1983 and I have absolutely no regrets about that. I do regret somewhat that his pushing, pushing, pushing towards academic achievement has given me a lifelong horror of formal education, but on the other hand I'm doing alright financially and I have a happy, happy marriage, two cats I adore, a house I love and enough time to do things I actually like.

So in short, you have to judge your kid on their own merits and let them find their own path in life and make their own mistakes. A kid smoking a little pot or having a drink or two is not the end of the world and doesn't mean that they'll end up on the skids if that's not what their core being is destined for. It just means that they're testing their wings. On the other hand, a polite, uptight, church-going kid may very well end up a rigid despot whose kids hate him.

[katgib13]

I wasn't a bad teen...I didn't get in trouble constantly nor did I make numerous visits to the principals office. I didn't drink and do drugs but when I graduated...I went nuts. I lived with my mom and was working 40 hours a week trying to save up for my own place and supporting my two sons with no help from their father. At night, about 4

days a week, once my children were bathed, had their bedtime story and were tucked in for the night, I went out with my girls. I was young, so I had no trouble getting wasted, coming home and going to bed and getting back up by 8 to start my day all over again. First and foremost, I made sure my kids were in bed so I wouldn't be taking anything away from them. If they were sick, I stayed home with them instead of going out. I did try pot about a handful of times and really didn't like it. I preferred a liquor buzz. Once I turned 21, it was out of my system. I settled down and saved going out for once a month girls night out. I had my kids when I was 16 and 18 and I think I just needed to get my running out of my system.

I've always been honest with my boys about things like drinking, drugs and sex. But only if they ask specifically. I don't lie to them. I've never done any hard drugs, nor will I ever. I've seen what it can do. I have family members that are pretty spaced out. It's not for me.

[MRD]

Yes, if my daughter had told me she had a teacher talking about her personal sex life and prior drug use (even if she no longer dappled in it), I'd be furious - it has nothing to do with which way her door swings either. It amazes me how some adults can overshare like this. Our children do not need to know such personal information about their teachers.


MRD, I'm curious how she had lost her eyesight from ecstasy, how is it she regained her eyesight, and how long it took?

Well, since I am a long away from the drug scene and ecstacy was NOT around when I was younger, I don't know that much about it. But apparantly the thing to do was to use a Vick's inhaler to enhance the ecstasy experience. (I never knew that people did this, nor do I know if this is common.)
Apparantly the repeated use of Vick's fumes burned her eyes. She could make out the difference between light and darkness, but could not actually see. The doctors told our friends that they didn't know if the damage was reversible, but that there was not much they could do but hope and pray. After about a month or so, she begin to regain her sight and now see's fine. But it scared her (the so-called Come to Jesus meeting) and she straightened her act out and is now a very responsible college student with a full time job.
So while the ecstacy itself wasn't the reason, what she did while on the drug is what blinded her. So, actually I guess her using the ecstasy did blind her, but it was actually from the Vick's.