FORT Koffee Klatch

[prhoshay]

Kat, you definitely took on more than I would have.

[Lucy]

Sorry to switch the topic and make it a downer...but have any of you already bought your cemetery plots and arranged with a funeral home to handle your services (or the services for a loved one)? Also, have any of you heard of using "brokers" to do this. A cousin told me that they used a broker when their grandmother passed away and that the broker not only handled many of the details, but that he saved them money 'cause he was able to get things at a lower cost. I have never heard of a broker...

Anyhow, any input would be greatly appreciated as I would like to get this taken care of for some family members so that WHEN the time comes, we're not all just too grief stricken to handle the matters in a sensible way.

As for me, I'd just like to be cremated when I die. Sprinkle me anywhere. I don't really care! I do know that Mr. Lane and I need to get a will written out as well as a living will. Ugh...getting old sucks!

Thanks in advance to all for any tips. (And if there's already a thread that this would fit better in, please point me to it. I couldn't find anything else appropriate, but I didn't want to start a new thread for such a depressing subject. Thanks again!)

I know this is a late reply and the conversation has moved on, but I read some of the responses about disliking certain funeral homes and wanted to suggest you look at Funeral Consumers Alliance. It's a non-profit group that sort of watchdogs the funeral industry, and they take the perspective that the funeral homes that are owned by big corporations are pretty much out to fleece you. So take it all with a grain of salt, but some of it might be good advice. A friend of mine helps run it, and when he once visited me he borrowed my car while I was at work and came home that night full of ire at a mortuary that he had "secret-shopped" and how awful they were.

Anyway, I've never heard of a funeral "broker." I can sort of understand why some people wouldn't want to handle the details in the midst of grief, but you don't need a broker to do that for you. But also remember that for funeral homes, this is a business. They obviously would prefer that you buy more expensive caskets, etc., and from what I recall when we were picking out my dad's casket, they'll try to upsell you by promising that this or that fancier casket won't leak, or that you should pay more for a more waterproof vault, or whatever. And you can pay for all that if you want, but will the dead person really care? No more than they'd care if you buy them one with a satin pillow, imo.

[Amy Lee]

My neighbors house is always clean, but cluttered. She is an avid reader and there is always piles of books everywhere. She reads them, passes them on and then aquires more..lol. When I walked in, the clutter was gone. He had cleaned before the party. I guess he didn't want to be embarrassed. Little turd. For some reason, that ticked me off. In my eyes it was just another nose thumbing at my neighbor.

Lmao!!! You know, maybe i'm boring, or it's that i'm introspective but the idea of debauchery, drinking heavily and doing all sorts of nonsense just doesn't attract me. I honestly don't see why teens are so eager to drink. It doesn't make you smarter, it doesn't make you mature, and it doesn't make you grow up. Nor does it make you 'cool. Maybe it's the idea that you're defying your parents that's attractive? Anyway, to each their own.

P.S. Do keep us updated on your neighbor's kid.

[famita]

I wouldn't mind asking that kid over to my house for a "weekend"-it also is cluttered but clean. I figure I would give him about a 3 hour head start, then show back up. and voila! a clean house! I never liked to leave my sons home after they were 18 for fear of what they might get into. As it goes they have not had a drink in my house yet. I should knock on wood (my youngest is 22).

[11sstephanie]

Lmao!!! You know, maybe i'm boring, or it's that i'm introspective but the idea of debauchery, drinking heavily and doing all sorts of nonsense just doesn't attract me. I honestly don't see why teens are so eager to drink. It doesn't make you smarter, it doesn't make you mature, and it doesn't make you grow up. Nor does it make you 'cool. Maybe it's the idea that you're defying your parents that's attractive? Anyway, to each their own.

P.S. Do keep us updated on your neighbor's kid.

I think it's when the parents spend a half hour lecturing us before parties that we shouldn't do drugs that it becomes appealing..I mean, why put all that yelling to waste?

I've come to accept the mess that is illegal drugs, however, I will say that you have definitely overstepped the limit when you're using said substances in someone elses house, when you're house-sitting. I'm sorry, but I'd kick the b*stard if I met him.

[Lois Lane]

I know this is a late reply and the conversation has moved on, but I read some of the responses about disliking certain funeral homes and wanted to suggest you look at Funeral Consumers Alliance. It's a non-profit group that sort of watchdogs the funeral industry, and they take the perspective that the funeral homes that are owned by big corporations are pretty much out to fleece you. So take it all with a grain of salt, but some of it might be good advice. A friend of mine helps run it, and when he once visited me he borrowed my car while I was at work and came home that night full of ire at a mortuary that he had "secret-shopped" and how awful they were.

Anyway, I've never heard of a funeral "broker." I can sort of understand why some people wouldn't want to handle the details in the midst of grief, but you don't need a broker to do that for you. But also remember that for funeral homes, this is a business. They obviously would prefer that you buy more expensive caskets, etc., and from what I recall when we were picking out my dad's casket, they'll try to upsell you by promising that this or that fancier casket won't leak, or that you should pay more for a more waterproof vault, or whatever. And you can pay for all that if you want, but will the dead person really care? No more than they'd care if you buy them one with a satin pillow, imo.

Lucy, thanks so much for this information. This will help a lot. I trolled around on there already and found some really good information.

[katgib13]

Well, I talked to my neighbor. The boy finally showed up last night to face the music. He brought flowers and was very apologetic. She talked to him and her daughter isn't mad at him at all. I guess he had an excuse.. Anyway, my neighbor said he is going to have to build the trust factor back up because he ruined it this weekend.

The kid comes from a crappy home. He has managed to get decent grades, graduate and is going to college soon. He also works 6 days a week. He isn't all bad. I guess he just made a bad decision and now he is going to suffer the consequences because my neighbor is still upset. It's going to be rough for him for awhile. Which I think it should be. He shouldn't get off scott free. She did make him drag her books back out because she had no idea where he put them....*heehee* Although her daughter believed him, Angie did not. She said they had what she likes to call a Come To Jesus Meeting! I almost felt sorry for the boy. Almost. Not quite.

[PWS]

I can see the daughter not being real mad about the abuse of her mother's trust (except in as much as it got her in trouble, too), but not the abuse of her own trust--she really believes there was no hanky panky going on with the other girls??? Oy vey...girlie has a lot to learn....
Nice that the boy has pulled himself up...just hope he learned enough here not to knock himself down once he gets to college.....

[Duxxy]

What? you've never heard of a Purple Jesus party?? LOL! I believe the kid.

In all seriousness, kids hang out in groups these days. I have no trouble believing that there was no hanky-panky, especially if the girls were friends with the girlfriend.
Teens could be doing a lot worse than hanging out in a group of 6 with a six pack. I don't condone it but it's not the end of the world.
Finding pot, I would have lost my head about.

[MRD]

I think it's when the parents spend a half hour lecturing us before parties that we shouldn't do drugs that it becomes appealing..I mean, why put all that yelling to waste?

I've come to accept the mess that is illegal drugs, however, I will say that you have definitely overstepped the limit when you're using said substances in someone elses house, when you're house-sitting. I'm sorry, but I'd kick the b*stard if I met him.

Which is why we don't lecture. We have sat down with our daughter and told her that we did them, we therefore know what we are talking about when we say we don't want her to do them. We've told her that we were stupid and LUCKY that nothing happened. We have always maintained a very open conversation about many things with our daughter and its a conversation, not a lecture. And we have told her that we were not angels and we'd prefer she not do them and why we prefer that. We've also told her horror stories that happened to people we know. But the BIGGEST thing that had an affect on her was a friend of our's 14 year old daughter went blind after doing ectasy and our daughter was about 10 and was very good friends with the younger sister. So she saw first hand at a VERY impressionable age what happened to someone she knew who had snuck out of the house and done drugs. Thankfully the girl regained her sight, but it was touch and go for a while.

I know we aren't perfect parents, but our approach has always been to just talk about things and listen to her input as well. It's worked very well so far and she is very adament that she is against drugs. She is not interested in drinking either. We have offered her sips of wine or champagne on special occasions and she didn't like it. And she's come to us and talked about friends that have done drugs or been drinking and usually she is concerned and upset. I'm just thankful she'll talk to us about this stuff. But really, I think that our honesty about the subject has gone a long way in her eyes to her being honest with us. And the fact that we don't freak out and run around in circles flapping our arms like idiots. She knows that we will calmly discuss this stuff, so I think that helps too.

And she has dropped friends that were in the drug scene, so I know that we must be doing something right. I hope anyway.

My parents were so strict and controlling and I rebelled against that, so we've tried to be the opposite and it seems to be working fairly well so far.
Because I know that the way I was treated as a teen went a LONG way to pushing me to push the envelope and doing some really stupid things.

There's a difference between a Purple Jesus party and a Come to Jesus meeting. One involves lots of something mixed with grape juice and drinking it and the other involves what the neighbor did and reaming the kid a new one. I have a good friend that has always used that "Come to Jesus meeting" phrase and I've always known just what she was talking about as my mother used to do the same thing to me.