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Thread: FORT Koffee Klatch

  1. #23981
    Go Donny! Gutmutter's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    My daughter is thinking of moving to Phoenix. Wouldn't I have to fly into Phoenix to go to Flagstaff?
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  2. #23982
    8/2/64 until forever! AZChristian's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    You can fly into Flag, but it would probably cost more. If you're going to rent a car anyway, it would be better to fly into Phoenix.

  3. #23983
    FORT Fogey Debb70's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I got my cousin settled into the assisted living facility yesterday. It was a long and difficult process that lasted from 9:00 a.m. until 6:00 p.m. It wasn't just the paperwork, unpacking, etc. but the constant questions and anxiety from my cousin. She doesn't understand just how incapable she is to care for herself. By the end of the day she was convinced she was doing so well that she could return home tomorrow. I repeated the same answers over and over. I explained why she's there at least once every two minutes throughout the day and each time, it's as if it's the first time she's heard it. I even wrote it down and posted it on a board over her tv. The doctor is supposed to call in some meds. I hope they help. I can't continue with this kind of daily stress much longer. I know I will be her only visitor. There's one other cousin who may visit once a year, so I feel pressure to go a lot, but it's so stressful to continue with the repeating over and over. I'm going to locate a professional today to get some guidance. Thanks for your continued prayers.

    In NC, it's back into the 90's this week. I like warm weather, but this is just too hot.

    I was watching the news last night and heard about the virus that the soccer attendants may be bringing back to the US. It sounds pretty nasty. Is it fatal?
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  4. #23984
    Red Sox Nation Brooks's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Debb, she doesn't really sound as though she's at an assisted living stage, not with that level of confusion.

    As my mother sank into Alzheimer's, and before she was on any useful meds (to deal with her paranoia and hostility), she had been going to an adult day care program a couple times a week. It was an excellent program and did wonders for her. When I called the director to tell her I had just admitted my mother into a dementia unit because she couldn't cope any more, the director was surprised because she had been doing quite well at adult day care. My only point here is that I think it was the structured program that helped my mother manage when she couldn't at all in a more flexible situation. I don't know if structure is really something the assisted living facility can offer but it may be really important for your cousin.

    You are definitely in a very stressful situation and I hope you find some help soon. Some councils on aging have volunteers who agree to visit elders on a regular basis. Before my mother went to the facility I had arranged for a caregiver a couple days a week. They got along so well I paid to have her continue to see my mother in the nursing home because I was the only other person who would regularly see her, and she was my mother and closer than your cousin is. It was a period when I was still doing mother's laundry and the caretaker would bring it to me after seeing my mother and we'd compare notes about how she was doing.

    I'm sure there is guidance that will help you but you probably also need more bodies involved somehow. A church group might be another option, even if neither of you is very religious.
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  5. #23985
    FORT Fogey Debb70's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I'm sorry to hear of your mom's situation Brooks. You know first hand how challenging this kind of thing can be. You have my utmost respect. I will take your advice and contact the organization you suggests, as soon as they are open and try to obtain some help.

    They evaluated her and she supposedly is able to function there. Time will tell. The next step will be a Dementia Unit. The sad thing is that she can bathe, dress, go to dining room, etc. with reminders. They will administer meds and monitor her medical condition. At times she can carry on a conversation that sounds pretty normal, then the repetition starts and you see the memory issue. (I've lined up some places with Dementia units, just in case this is not a good fit for her.)

  6. #23986
    Go Donny! Gutmutter's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I recently went out to eat with a friend and an elderly couple was seated at the table next to us. The wife asked where we were from and we had a little conversation about it and got back to our meal. Then she asked us again and we had a similar, abbreviated conversation and then she asked again. The husband (unnecessarily) informed us she has Alzheimer's. I was sympathetic, but it became annoying as she kept asking us over and over while we tried to enjoy a meal and our own private conversation. My dad ended his days with dementia, so I get it, but it was like trying to have a relaxing dinner out with an unruly child at the next table. I can see both sides.
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  7. #23987
    Red Sox Nation Brooks's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    My mother has passed away but it was an intense several years. The dementia facility, and perhaps this would have been true of an assisted living facility, was designed with a frail, incompetent elder in mind. Mother had been living with me and there was only so much I could do to retrofit my home so there were any number of dangers. Her ability to function had a lot to do with time of day (are you familiar with "sundowning"? If not, look it up) and whether there was structure.

    My brother had an expression for my mother's apparent ability to have a lucid conversation with folks who didn't know her very well, that she had "memorized the dance steps". There were actually very few subjects she would jabber on about and she always said the same thing. So my sister in law thought my mother was fine, but my brother recognized there was no range at all to what she said.

    Your cousin may be fine in this facility for a while, but always a good idea to have thought it out a step or two beyond where she is now because things can change very quickly.
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  8. #23988
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    My mom chose to keep my dad at home but some of her choices seemed questionable to us. She let him drive far longer than she should have. She let him sleep most of the day and night until a couple of my siblings intervened on that (he was getting frail). I know it was very hard for her. He was hard of hearing, argumentative, swore a lot, not easy to socialize with friends, refused to take his meds, etc. He couldn't read or follow a movie plot. Couldn't do the wood working or metal art that was his hobby. Couldn't travel. My mom found a companion for him and traveled without him.
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  9. #23989
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Here's a really good question: Is it important to you to have a mate who is your intellectual equal?


    For me, I would say yes. I don't think there's anything more annoying than having somebody constantly asking you, "What do you mean by that?" "What do you mean by that?" "What do you mean by that?" "What do you mean by that?"
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  10. #23990
    Live-Love-Laugh Fanny Mare's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by prhoshay View Post
    Here's a really good question: Is it important to you to have a mate who is your intellectual equal?


    For me, I would say yes. I don't think there's anything more annoying than having somebody constantly asking you, "What do you mean by that?" "What do you mean by that?" "What do you mean by that?" "What do you mean by that?"
    I am not sure, can I just ask "what do you mean by that "? sorry shay I couldn't resist
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