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Thread: FORT Koffee Klatch

  1. #23831
    FORT Fogey Punkin's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    You're a saint, Debb. And I'm not saying that lightly. I really admire your dedication to this relative and her sad condition. So many would say that their life is just too busy and someone else will have to care. But, it seems that everyone else has already taken that stand. Your parents are so lucky to have such a competent and caring daughter when the time comes that they need your kind ministrations and help. They'll be in excellent and "informed" hands!
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  2. #23832
    FORT Fogey Debb70's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I appreciate your kind words. I try to look at this as how I would want to be treated.

    I had never dealt with dementia, to this extent, either. It's unreal. It's so difficult on a those who try to help. She hides things and doesn't remember, so we end up looking for things over and over. I put notes on the items that say don't move, leave here, but she ignores them and hides the item anyway. This does bother her as she doesn't fully understand why she does it. I hug her and tell her it's not her fault. It's heartbreaking. My cousin isn't the same person anymore. Sometimes she seems fine, but an hour later, it changes and she will repeat things over and over. I think the meds will help though with repeating and checking. Checking is an obsessive behavior where the person will repeatedly check things to make sure they are right. She will look and make sure the cat is okay over and over or check to see where her shoes are or what's in the fridge. It's part of the disease.
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  3. #23833
    Red Sox Nation Brooks's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Debb, I'm sorry I hadn't fully read your first account. It's your cousin and she's not that old. I'm sure that makes it far more difficult than seeking help for a more elderly parent. Plus she's quite a distance from you. Punkin is right, you're definitely a saint.

    The professionals I dealt with all acted as though so long as I was actually helping my mother and working in her best interest that the means to get there didn't matter. Safety and health first, being scrupulously honest with her about what was going on or was about to happen not so much. Your cousin might not be at that point yet, but it was a huge relief to have "permission" from the rest of the team to do whatever I needed to do.
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  4. #23834
    FORT Fogey Debb70's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Right, they have told me to say whatever I need to say to get her there and I will. I just don't know how to get her in the building. When you pull up it's apparent it's a residential facility. I'm not sure if she has ever been there before or not or if she will remember what it is. I've thought of telling her it's part of the doctor's office, but I'm not sure she will buy it. She's suspicious enough to keep asking me where we are going and what we they are going to be doing. She asked about the return doctor visit to check her TB test over 50 times in a couple of hours. I could tell she's worried I will carry her some where that is a home and not the doctor's office. She has that on her mind.

    I went today and took more food, did laundry, visited, bought her new underwear and socks and went by the Senior Center for advice. They say if she refuses turn it over to Social Services. That's what I'm going to do. I have no problem getting her in by any means necessary, but if she won't get out of the car when we pull up, my hands are tied.

    My last card is to threaten to have the cat take away. I'm going to tell her that due to her health and memory problems, the Agency is taking the cat back UNLESS she goes into treatment and gets better and they will allow me to care for it in her home until she returns. And if she refuses, the cat is taken away immediately. I know it sound harsh, but it has to be done.
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  5. #23835
    8/2/64 until forever! AZChristian's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Debb, I only hope that if I'm ever in the situation your cousin is in, someone like you will care enough about me to make the tough decisions and to make sure I'm not a danger to myself or anyone else.

    PLEASE keep us posted.

    AZC
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  6. #23836
    FORT Fogey Debb70's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I hate to bring so much intensity to this thread. On a lighter note, I've lost 8 pounds! I'm super happy about that.

    I'm looking forward to Father's day this weekend. I've been planning on getting my dad a new tv and if I have time, I'm going to get him one.
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  7. #23837
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    They are going to start calling you "Elastic Debb" due to your stretching yourself so thin......as in "minus 8 pounds".

    Try to remember to take care of yourself, some, Debb.
    Ellen, Brooks and Debb70 like this.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

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  8. #23838
    FORT Fogey Ellen's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by prhoshay View Post
    ...Try to remember to take care of yourself, some, Debb.
    And Shay is the FoRT queen of making sure we care for ourselves while caring for our loved ones.
    I am thankful that she reminded me of that while I was so focused on my hubby's health crisis.
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  9. #23839
    FORT Fogey Debb70's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I can certainly afford the 8 pounds and then some. lol

    I hope to get some free time soon, because I want to help my family fix up a house that my parents bought for my nephew and his family. I really like doing that kind of thing, but haven't much time lately to help. I've bought a few things for the house for their housewarming, but I really wanted to help with the renovations. Our family has done much of it, except the actual plumbing and electrical. It's a house my grandparents used to own and I lived their as a kid. It then was sold out of the family and my parents recently got the chance to buy it back. Such great memories in that house.
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  10. #23840
    FORT Fogey Photobabe's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Deb, I was in a similar situation with a friend a few years ago. She was completely estranged from her family (nieces and nephews) and so had papers drawn up giving me medical POA.

    She lived in a senior citizen apartment complex and the management there wanted her GONE. Her dementia had progressed to the point that her apartment was filthy. We hired aids to come in for several hours a day but she would not let them do anything and then would fire them. Finally, I told her we had to look for a new place for her to live. I took her with me and tried to make the outing fun by taking her to lunch or for brief shopping trips. One of the places even allowed cats! (call around, maybe there is a cat friendly one near you!) It was a small facility but not the one she chose. She did finally pick one and agreed to go and stay until she felt better. She seemed to do pretty well there but she died less than a year later. She was in her 80's.

    I am so sorry you have to go through all this. I remember how stressful it was.

    Do what you have to do to get her where she is safe. I know of 2 people in fairly early stages of who managed to set their homes on fire. Fortunately. no one was injured. But in both cases they lived in highrise condos and were saved when neighbors saw smoke coming from under their doors.
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