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Thread: FORT Koffee Klatch

  1. #23821
    Best Buddies Gutmutter's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Oh my Lord, Debb - what a saint you are to commit to such a kindness with your own job and parents to take care of. What would happen if you did nothing? Not that I'm suggesting that! Who steps in, or does the person just go downhill without any intervention? If she knows she's having trouble, I'd get the cat out and then tell her, "Don't you remember we agreed to that?" A little white lie, yes, but in the grand scheme of things, maybe necessary. I'll be thinking of you and hope things are resolved this week. Bless you.
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  2. #23822
    FORT Fogey Debb70's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Yes, I've decided to tell her that if she goes to the facility to get her meds and nutrition back on track, when the doctor says she's ready, she can come back home. I'm saying that I will care for the cat while she's getting better. You have to say anything necessary to get her to go. I have no qualms with it at all. In reality, I'm turning the cat back into the agency that she adopted her from, since she has a written contract to do that. If I take the cat first, I have no bargaining chips. She loves that cat and it is everything to her. That's the main reason she won't leave, IMO. She does care for it well. I make sure though everyday.

    I took her a Perfect Petz kitten in a bed that appears to breath and purrs, but she is too scared her real cat won't like it. She's put it out of sight. I didn't bring it up again today. I'll look for it later.

    In the morning, I'm going to find out if the sheriff will help me relocate her if the doctor signs off on her being unable to make medical decisions for herself. If that happens, the Healthcare POA will kick in and I will have legal authority to have her admitted, but what good is that if the sheriff won't help transport her? So, it's a dilemma.

    I went to visit two new Assisted Living facilities today. One is ideal and right behind the hospital, near her doctor, and in a familiar town to her. I'm leaning towards it over the first one I had picked. The third one was not impressive and I've crossed it off. At least I have two options right now. I also saw a Memory Facility yesterday. It was wonderful, but there is an issue of money with them. She may be able to get in there later on though. It was like a resort with a spa even. Very nice.

    This entire thing has taught me so many valuable lessons. I am grateful for that.
    Last edited by Debb70; 06-08-2014 at 07:12 PM.
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  3. #23823
    8/2/64 until forever! AZChristian's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    It's good that you've developed a good plan of action. One step at a time . . . and all best wishes for all involved.
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  4. #23824
    FORT Fogey Punkin's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    You seem to have it all together, Debb. Despite the full plate of your life, you've taken on a job that no one else will. Bless you for your kind efforts! I think all of us hope that someone who really loves us will take control when we no longer can. You're my hero today.

    Kisses, Lynda
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  5. #23825
    FORT Fogey Debb70's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Thanks you guys, I appreciate the kind words of support. I'm running on autopilot right now, but pray things will settle down soon.

    I've been researching any and all ways to get her to go to the facility. I'm going to try everything I can to see it through, but if she still refuses, I'll have to walk away and let the state take over. I've thought of telling her that too. I'm calling the Alzheimer's Association tomorrow for referrals. Hopefully, they will have some good ones.

    Thanks again.
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  6. #23826
    FORT Fogey captain's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    The concern is if she does not want to stay at the home, she can leave at any time. I know we would not have taken anyone forcibly to a home, only to a mental institution by court order. Law Enforcement has their hands tied on this type of case.
    Your best bet is to get social services involved. Do you have power of attorney? I have it written that a specific person can make the decisions on my care, if it is deemed necessary by a doctor. Good Luck, will keep you in my prayers.
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  7. #23827
    Red Sox Nation Brooks's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    My mother was living with me as she developed Alzheimer's. She became very paranoid and hostile. Not a physical threat in any way but tough to care for. She ended up in a dementia unit via a rehab unit in the same building via emergency hospital services after something happened and she couldn't stand up on her own. So we never had to have the discussion. The rehab unit didn't want to transfer her upstairs without her permission. I resolved that by plopping her in a wheelchair and taking her upstairs myself.

    I did have the necessary paperwork, but because she was very elderly and I was her daughter it really never came up. She obviously needed an advocate and everything I dealt with was fine that it was me.

    Good luck to you Debb, it's a very difficult time. My best source of information was my local council on aging. As far as which home, sure you can get referrals, but it's hard to find something appropriate for someone with dementia because absolutely everyone who cares for your mom has to be a compassionate individual. I suspected someone in the rehab unit was giving my mother a hard time but nothing I could prove or know for sure because of my mother's paranoia. The Alzheimer's unit was run by angels, all of them. But I still had to be very closely involved.
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  8. #23828
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    What a tough situation Debb. She is very fortunate to have you in her life, and good luck to you!!
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  9. #23829
    FORT Fogey Debb70's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Thanks everyone for your kind words. Brooks, it looks like you have actually been through this. I have the utmost respect for people who deal with this long term. It's unreal.

    I do have Durable POA and Healthcare POA, but the Healthcare POA isn't good until the Dr. says she isn't competent to make healthcare decisions for herself. She hasn't done that yet, though she might.

    Today was a circus. I convinced her to go get her blood test done, even though she didn't want to. I picked her up and drove her there. We then walked next door to get her urine test for the second time. She still couldn't go, so we took some cups with us. I then took her out to eat and then home, with an extra meal for later. I then took off for court and my office. Later got in touch with the facility I have chosen, faxed her info, called the doctor office, located her childhood immunization chart! Who knew you need that? Called Social Services for guidance in getting her there. Doctor then called and said she needed a TB TEST! Drove back to her house, back to the doctor, got test, took her to dinner then back home. lol Can you believe it? It's been a long day.

    I spoke with the Alzheimer's Association. They offer 1-800 info. I'm waiting for a return call.

    Please keep me in your prayers. We should be ready to settle her in on Wednesday if I can get her there.
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  10. #23830
    9/11/2001 NEVER FORGET. Eastcoastmom's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Oh Debb, you most certainly will be in my prayers. I've been reading your posts but haven't weighed in yet, b/c honestly, I just don't know what to say. I've no experience with Alzheimers, dementia, or even dealing with services related to seniors. I think you have a huge heart and quite a full plate between work, family, and dealing with your own parents. I hope it all works out and she'll be comfortable in her new residence. God bless.
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