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Thread: FORT Koffee Klatch

  1. #23741
    Mixing Old Fashioneds PhoneGrrrl's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I think the TWOP folks will fold right in, as long as they stick by the PG13 language restriction. Our Mods are great, but they don't get pissed off if I, by way of example, start a reply in RHOOC as "Ummm, is Vicki off her rocker?!?!" then back that up by ways Vicki is, in fact, off her rocker. There was a certain TWOP mod that would ban a poster for the "umm" alone and he's getting crap over at his new digs for it. The Mods and FAs here are smart and recognize the difference from an attack on a poster and a comment on the show we're commenting on.

    Norw, did she give a reason for bailing? I'll admit I'll cancel on plans at the last minute if there's a big rain storm because I HATE driving in a downpour (too many near misses makes me a very anxious driver in rain storms). But you don't strike me the type to be perturbed if there was a good reason for cancelling plans.

  2. #23742
    Bitten Critical's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    My mom had a friend who flaked out ALL THE TIME You'll notice I used the word "had" instead of "has"). They would make plans and at least 75% of the time, her friend would bail on her. It wasn't just situations where they were doing something with just the two of them; she'd decide to not go to their book club meeting like 20 minutes before my mom was leaving to pick her up. One of the worst was when she canceled after agreeing to be a sub for my mom's Bunco group - where you NEED a certain number of people - and it was too late to get another sub. The very worst though was when my parents invited this woman and her husband to their house for dinner and they canceled an hour before. They had A LOT of leftovers. I think that was the last time my mom ever made plans with her.

    I have no idea what her problem is. I think she likely has some sort of social anxiety disorder. Even so, it's really annoying and very hard to be friends with someone like that. She would always be really enthusiastic about making plans, but then would cancel like an hour before. Not surprisingly, she doesn't have many (maybe not any) close friends.

    PG - I guess we're unique in that we actually enforce our rules and do it as evenly as possible (hey, we do miss things), in spite of what some former posters have thought. You'd think "reality show participants are fair game, but other posters aren't" would be a simple concept to grasp, but it seems to stump so many posters. We're happy to have any TWoP posters who want to participate in the site, but we expect everyone to follow the rules. Being a newbie isn't an excuse not to know the rules since they should have JUST read them when they agreed to them upon signing up!
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  3. #23743
    FORT Fan NorwIndian's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Critical, that sounds exactly like my friend.

    This friend does this all the time, that's why I was so mad. I was also mad at myself for going to the effort knowing she'd probably flake. She surprises people once in a while and shows up.
    No good excuse, just the usual, had something else to do that she forgot about, the dog is sick, her car won't start blah blah.

    Oh well, she missed out. I make really good pizza and she didn't get any!
    ~You can't buy love. But you can rescue it~

  4. #23744
    Mixing Old Fashioneds PhoneGrrrl's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Crit, sorry for speaking out of turn. Maybe this is a warning to TWOP survivor. Could be why Previously has so much traffic.

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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by PhoneGrrrl View Post
    Crit, sorry for speaking out of turn. Maybe this is a warning to TWOP survivor. Could be why Previously has so much traffic.
    There's absolutely NO reason for you to apologize AT ALL! I was agreeing with you!

    NorW - I think everyone has to cancel plans from time to time. Sometimes life gets in the way and you have to adjust, but when it happens consistently, that's different. It's hard to have a friendship with someone who blows you off all the time.

    I have a dear friend who often over-books herself. She's a kind, giving person who wants to help EVERYONE. Sometimes she'll say she's going to come to one of my work events and doesn't make it because she has another commitment that runs over, but I don't mind. When she shows up, she SHOWS UP. She's one of those people who I know I can rely on when it's really important. The random times when she's not able to be there don't matter to me.
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    Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.' - Isaac Asimov

    I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, "... I drank what?"

  6. #23746
    Time to Come Back, Boys Arielflies's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I'm one of those who will cancel due to anxiety, if for no other reason. Once it took me half a day and many long distance phone calls before I could get in my car and drive the hundreds of miles to vacation with my folks. I will be so excited to do something, but then a day or hours before, I get the shakes and the panic. My friends understand and don't invite me to things, and I understand though I am envious of their joy at going.

    One of my huge regrets in life is that I've missed so much because of emotional freezes.
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  7. #23747
    FORT Fogey Lizard's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by NorwIndian View Post
    Why do some people never do what they say they're going to do?! My friend was supposed to come over tonight, It took me hours but I even cooked dinner and bought her favorite wine. 20 minutes before she was supposed to be here she texts me that she can't make it.
    I'm so mad. This isn't the first time she's done this but I'll tell you, its the last time she'll ever do it to me. I'm done trying.
    The thing that makes me most mad is that it was her idea to come over in the first place!

    Its one of my biggest pet peeves. Don't say you're going to do something and then flake at the last minute with a BS excuse.
    Grrrrrrrr.
    Years ago, I made it my policy that I would not spend time on people who are not responsible. A lot of canceling could be a sign that the person is not a good friend. Or it could be a sign of anxiety. I have a high school friend who has missed showing up for many things including my wedding. She bought me a $200 vase afterwards. In moving I pointed out to my mother that this is a $200 vase. My mom said your friend who gave that must be crazy. I said, no, just very guilty..... So there are different types of non-shower uppers. The ones that demonstrate lack of character in other things or towards others, those are the ones I distance myself from. The others, I just do not get disappointed if they do not show up. I just expect it.
    You can do it!

  8. #23748
    FORT Fogey PGM35's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by NorwIndian View Post
    Why do some people never do what they say they're going to do?! My friend was supposed to come over tonight, It took me hours but I even cooked dinner and bought her favorite wine. 20 minutes before she was supposed to be here she texts me that she can't make it.
    I'm so mad. This isn't the first time she's done this but I'll tell you, its the last time she'll ever do it to me. I'm done trying.
    The thing that makes me most mad is that it was her idea to come over in the first place!

    Its one of my biggest pet peeves. Don't say you're going to do something and then flake at the last minute with a BS excuse.
    Grrrrrrrr.
    one of my biggest pet peeves as well! I run a meetup ladies group and No Calls, No Shows are the worst. At least you got a text but still, a 1-on-1 dinner date with you and you are recuperating at home, her idea, and you cooked!! That is such a big No-No!! What a bad friend in my opinion. Ugh. There are certain folks in my group that tend to do this A LOT but I red flag them as habitual bailers and I know not to pin any hopes on them to show up when they say they will.

    Now close friends that do this become ex-friends to me. Sorry it happened to you but you have the right idea. Grrrr is right!

  9. #23749
    Wait, what? ArchieComic Fan's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by PhoneGrrrl View Post
    I'll admit I'll cancel on plans at the last minute if there's a big rain storm because I HATE driving in a downpour (too many near misses makes me a very anxious driver in rain storms).
    This is exactly me! I have two past work friends who we make a point to try and do dinner once a month and they know that if it's raining hard, I'll probably want to reschedule. They are very understanding and if we see rain in the forecast they will email me asking if we should pick another night. It's a hard decision sometimes because we get a lot of afternoon summer storms that are usually gone by the dinner hour but sometimes one will stick around into the evening and my night vision isn't that great either, so rain and night driving at the same time are something I try to avoid at all costs.

    That being said, it was rude of Norw's friend to bail at the last minute without an attempt at a legitimate excuse. I would not do that to someone, especially a friend who is recovering from surgery.
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  10. #23750
    FORT Fogey Debb70's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I consider Anxiety a medical condition, which I really think it is. It runs in my family and I have first hand experience with it. If you cancel due to a medical condition, then that is legit in my book. That being said, my friend who would cancel all the time did not have anxiety issues. She was just undependable. When she did show up, she was always late....very late. She would usually be at least one hour late for everything I have every known her to show up for. Even her jobs! It's weird.

    It only took a few months before I got her number. I saw her do this with other people too. After awhile I stopped relying on her or expecting her to do anything. If we made lunch plans, I would not even head out, until she was almost there. I would ask her call me when she was almost there. Most of the time she called and cancelled, so I didn't even have to leave my office to miss her. I never ask her to do anything, because it's almost certain she will not show up. She's always anxious to make plans, but just can't follow through. It's a real handicap.

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