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Thread: FORT Koffee Klatch

  1. #23471
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Here is a situation that I heard about on a talk show today as they were talking about Mother's Day. A woman, with a 15 year old daughter, said that her daughter came home with a hickey on her neck. Understandably, I think, Mom flipped out, took the daughter to the doctor and got the birth control shot, considering the "dangerous territory" daughter was obviously starting to dabble in. The mom wanted to know if she overreacted. The show host said that she had and that, now, if daughter progressed onto sex then mom, having gotten daughter the shot, had given approval for the sex.....that same old argument. I'm not sure I agree, but I also don't have a daughter. While the host did admit that while hickies can be the gateway to more intimate activity, she also returned to her point that the mother overreacted. I thought the host was sounding like a mother who wanted to be her daughter's friend, as opposed to a parent looking out for the daughter's best interest. Do you really want your daughter, potentially, getting pregnant and derailing her future plans, and bringing home a baby (probably) for YOU to raise just to prove some point....so you can say "See, I told you so!"? A part of me is sorry that I didn't have a girl, but another part of me is glad that I didn't I had a fabulous relationship with my mother once we got over the humps, and I would have loved to, hopefully, replicate that relationship to a certain extent. My sister's relationship with our mother was much more tumultuous, and it would be just my luck to have an experience like that!
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  2. #23472
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Personally, I don't think getting the daughter the birth control shot implies approval. The mother was simply trying to keep one mistake (underage sex) from leading to another one (teenage pregnancy). Whether it was overreacting or just being proactive is hard for me to judge. It is her daughter and given that the girl is only 15, if she had a child now, her parents would more than likely take on a lot of responsibility for taking care of it so I can't fault the mother for trying to prevent that. I'd assume she'll follow up this incident with talking to her daughter, getting counseling or something. If not and she continues to provide birth control shots for her daughter then yeah, she is giving approval for her daughter's behavior.

  3. #23473
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by prhoshay View Post
    Here is a situation that I heard about on a talk show today as they were talking about Mother's Day. A woman, with a 15 year old daughter, said that her daughter came home with a hickey on her neck. Understandably, I think, Mom flipped out, took the daughter to the doctor and got the birth control shot, considering the "dangerous territory" daughter was obviously starting to dabble in. The mom wanted to know if she overreacted. The show host said that she had and that, now, if daughter progressed onto sex then mom, having gotten daughter the shot, had given approval for the sex.....that same old argument. I'm not sure I agree, but I also don't have a daughter. While the host did admit that while hickies can be the gateway to more intimate activity, she also returned to her point that the mother overreacted. I thought the host was sounding like a mother who wanted to be her daughter's friend, as opposed to a parent looking out for the daughter's best interest. Do you really want your daughter, potentially, getting pregnant and derailing her future plans, and bringing home a baby (probably) for YOU to raise just to prove some point....so you can say "See, I told you so!"? A part of me is sorry that I didn't have a girl, but another part of me is glad that I didn't I had a fabulous relationship with my mother once we got over the humps, and I would have loved to, hopefully, replicate that relationship to a certain extent. My sister's relationship with our mother was much more tumultuous, and it would be just my luck to have an experience like that!
    I don't think she overreacted.

    I think she was smart to get the birth control shot. It is a better option than her daughter ending up with an unwanted pregnancy. And I don't think it implies approval as long as it came with a long and honest talk about responsibility and STDs.

    My daughter is still younger, but honestly I cannot imagine that at 15 she will have the time and freedom to engage in activities with boys that lead to hickies and sex. Not that we keep her locked up or anything, but when she's at friends' houses there are always parents home, and my husband and I work opposite shifts so one of us is always available to keep tabs on where she's at and who she's with. And this also isn't a double-standard. Our older kids are all boys and had the same level of supervision. With tracking software in cell phones these days to prevent theft, it's not like kids can pull one over on parents and claim to be somewhere they aren't. Yes, technically they could leave their cellphone behind, but what modern teen is willing to do that?!
    Ellen, CantGetNuf and Debb70 like this.

  4. #23474
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    How many futures, for girls, are derailed by unintended pregnancies? Short of abortions and adoptions, I'd say plenty. Your life changes once you decide to bring a baby into the world, whether you're a teenager or not.
    Ellen likes this.
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  5. #23475
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    My 15 year-old nephew was not properly supervised with his 15 year-old girlfriend, after his parents separated. My brother, his dad, repeatedly begged mom to supervise them when in her care, but she refused. We saw it coming, but she would not listen. He and his girlfriend are now 18, will turn 19 this year, and have a special needs 4 year old child. If only someone would have gotten them protection or properly supervised them. You can't just ignore things and hope they won't happen. That lady telling the mom that she overreacted is terrible. Her sentiments sound like something from the 1950's.
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    FORT Fogey CantGetNuf's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I'm on the "She didn't over react" bandwagon. I think she recognized the signs and took the appropriate steps. My mom always told me, "When you think you're ready you ask me to get you on the pill and no questions asked, I will." So when the day came and I worked up all my courage and asked my mom to get me on the pill she looked shocked and said, "Why? Are you having sex?" My quick and automatic response, "NO!" Then she said, "Well why don't you wait until you are ready to have sex then we'll get you on it." So I continued to have unprotected sex. Years later we were visiting at the kitchen table and she said, "I always regretted when you asked me to put you on the pill that I didn't." I got lucky and never got pregnant until I was with my current husband.
    But darn if I didn't make the same mistake with my daughter. My daughter was one of the last hold outs at her school. She was a virgin and proud of it. She took the teasing she got from the boys with good humor. She got her heart broke by a lot of boys who would only hear, "No", so many times. Then one day her friend went to get on the pill and my daughter did to. I was pissed when I found out because I knew she was a virgin and her friend was such a bad influence, I knew she got peer pressured into it. I was mostly mad because my family has a history of breast cancer and my husbands family has a history of cervical cancer. So birth control for my daughter should take more research and understanding then going to the health dept and getting some free random birth control pill. So I made her stop taking them and then I made my moms mistake and said, "When you're ready to have sex let me know and I'll take you to a real dr and get a recommendation from him on what would be safest for you." Then she showed up with a hickey and I still believed her when she said she wasn't having sex. Then she got pregnant. She miscarried at 3 months. She was heartbroken and I was sad about it. It was an unplanned pregnancy but the baby wasn't unwanted. My kids and grandson, Justin, have taught me that no pregnancy should be unwanted. Just better planned lol!! So I guess I said all that to say, "No. She didn't over react."
    Debb70 likes this.
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  7. #23477
    FORT Fogey Miss Scarlet's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I'm also on the "she didn't overreact" bandwagon. Although a good honest unjudgemental sit down talk with the daughter was in order.
    That was how I handled the birth control situation with my daughter. I made it clear that even though I wouldn't be approving or condoning young teen sex, I'd try my best to keep my big mouth shut & get her information & birth control as soon as she requested it, no questions asked. When she asked, I did.

    The way I see it is that it's better to have a young teen on birth control than have a young teen pregnant. Saying "don't do that" doesn't stop anything.

    If a mother feels her daughter is already heading down that road, hauling her in for the shot is just a preventative action, not permission.
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  8. #23478
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    After my sister got pregnant at 14, my mother was a little more diligent with me and we did the whole talk, go to the doctor, get on the pill thing but I was just not comfortable with my mother being in the know of my choices, although I was (and still am) for all intents and purposes "the good daughter." When I was ready (well, that's debatable now but when you're young and in love you don't see it that way), I went to the health department without my parents knowing, and got on the pill because they didn't require parent approval (not sure if it's still that way). Thankfully I was smart enough on my own to take my future into my own hands and not rely on parents guidance or the boy using protection. I don't understand how some women continue to get pregnant in this day and age with all the choices for birth control out there (not talking about young teenaged girls) but more about the older ones, and then act surprised about how they got pregnant. I have a relative who can't be bothered to remember to take the pill and has had a few abortions, it makes me very sad and angry. So, no, this mother did not overreact, I applaud her, but it's also important that girls know about their local planned parenthood options through their health dept or wherever those services are offered, in case they want to remain anonymous from their parents. As long as they are taking precautions of some sort, that's one less unwanted pregnancy.
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  9. #23479
    FORT Fogey Lizard's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I googled birth control shot. (A shot that will prevent pregnancy for up to 3 months).

    Children often times do not tell the truth. It is better safe than sorry.
    You can do it!

  10. #23480
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Lizard - I had never heard of that, either! Is it new? Do many people use it? Is it a long-term option?
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