Hi NorwIndian! It is good to see you back online.
I'm so sorry for the pain and suffering that your daughter's husband is causing. The picture that keeps sticking in my mind is of your daughter with a cake for his birthday and him not coming home. Wow. I left a cheater many years ago (we weren't married) and I never regretted it. It took many years to stop feeling hurt as he was my first love. My daughter's first boyfriend started showing the same pattern of treating her badly and it made me crazy but I held my tongue for quite a while. She broke up with him many times but he always tried to get back with her and he played her well. She kept thinking of how nice he was or could be rather than how he was really treating her. Finally she changed plans and went to a different college than the one near to him and that finally ended it. I remember telling her how great it was that she woke up from that bad scene much more quickly than I had. I was with my boyfriend for 6 years and 4 of those years were pretty terrible! She was done after 2 years. Many of my coworkers are going through the same thing with husbands who turn bad and leave them. It is painful at first but most of them get stronger as they grown independent of that relationship. I like the advice to have an attorney help guide her and protect her rights and income. And to document as much as possible. A friend of mine even used his texts to expose what a snake he was and it helped her get sole custody of their child.