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Thread: FORT Koffee Klatch

  1. #22241
    FORT Friend Baby's Breath's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I think being a newlywed and starting a family is a difficult combination, but at the same time, I am grateful that I had my children while I was young, so if I had to do it over again, I'd do it the same way.

    After 30 years I consider my husband my absolute best friend. That's not to say that I haven't been tempted to push him over a cliff a time or two, like last week when...
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  2. #22242
    FoRTer coltnlasma's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    ^Baby's Breath, I can so relate to your last comments (well, except for the years - only 18th anniversary coming up here).

    I hit a point, around 7 years I think, where I was just so UNhappy and remember wanting to just get away. Now, I can't recall any particular thing about why but that sadness is still vivid in my memory. I had a preschooler and new baby at that time, so maybe it was just so much of everything. Funny that someone close to me went through something similar at about the same point in her marriage, and was so surprised to hear I had felt that way. Sometimes we women need to share more about our rough patches, I suppose, instead of trying to put up such a good front. Anyway, I am glad I got through it; finding it just keeps getting better and better. Love hearing about you all with 30, 42, 50 years to celebrate.
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  3. #22243
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    It seems we (women) get brainwashed into trying to be perfect and, when WE know we're not, a lot of us will put up the best front and never discuss our "shortcomings" with other women. We could be so helpful to each other if we'd just open up. It's not crime and we're learning as we go along, and there's nothing wrong with admitting that. We definitely put a lot of pressure on ourselves. I had our son at 2 years into our marriage and I can remember really being confused as to why I felt so depressingly limited. He was an easy baby, and he was fun to deal with but I knew that people were always watching my actions and making their judgments. I was always glad that I decided to stop after 1 baby, since it didn't seem like I was with the right person.....and it turned out I was right.

    Our lives can be so complex!
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

  4. #22244
    Go Teams! inthegarden's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I was happy or shall I say blissfully ignorant at year 7. I still wasn't aware that I had married a habitual adulterer. I found that out in year 9 when he picked my supposedly best friend as his next conquest. Oh well, you live and learn, at least I did get a fantastic son out of the deal. Because of him, I would endure the heartache again.
    Congratulations to all of you who choose well the first time.
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  5. #22245
    9/11/2001 NEVER FORGET. Ten Pin Bowling Champion, Bookworm Champion Eastcoastmom's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I think, for me, the first year of marriage was the absolute toughest. We honeymooned in Acapulco and our last evening there ordered in room service. We splurged on lobster dinners but it arrived so late that I wasn't really hungry after eating the salad, so hubby ate both portions. Well, the lobster was bad and my husband got sicker than I have ever seen him in 30+ years of marriage, with the exception of his kidney stones, maybe. He was running a high temperature and was hallucinating. It was scary. The next morning the hotel physician said it was probably food poisoning and gave him a script to hold it together for the plane ride home. Well, long story short...hubby was home for 2 weeks! I thought I was going to go out of my mind. I was not used to playing nursemaid to someone, was working full-time, had to come home to grade papers and plan lessons, and had to wait on him hand and foot. I felt like he was making a big 'to do' over nothing. In hindsight, he must have really been very ill, because in all of the years since, I have never seen him take ANY time off from work with the exception of having his kidney stones blasted and recovery. So, it was a rude awakening for me. That, combined with the fact that my mom was very, very ill, and I spent a lot of time taking care of her as my dad was still working full-time and Mom refused to have any home health aides come. In fact, just a year into my marriage I quit my job so I could care for Mom. I don't regret it as she died 4 years after I married. Plus, the first year is tough because you are learning about each other's idiosyncrasies, especially if you didn't live together before marriage, which we didn't. And learning how to fight constructively...yeah, that one was tough and I don't think we mastered that one for years. I'm the type of person who will tell you absolutely in no uncertain terms if something you are doing is hurtful or bothering me. My husband is more closed off emotionally and would prefer to just sweep things under the rug and pretend problems don't exist.
    So, we were often at odds in the early years.

  6. #22246
    Pineapple! ClosetRTWatcher's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by prhoshay View Post
    It seems we (women) get brainwashed into trying to be perfect and, when WE know we're not, a lot of us will put up the best front and never discuss our "shortcomings" with other women. We could be so helpful to each other if we'd just open up. It's not crime and we're learning as we go along, and there's nothing wrong with admitting that. We definitely put a lot of pressure on ourselves.
    I totally agree. I also think we would be better off knowing that "perfect" and "normal" are not words that should be used in conjunction with marriage. Every couple is unique and needs to figure out what works for THEM.

  7. #22247
    FORT Fogey nennie's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I don't think there is enough space on this board to air my laundry. It hasn't been easy but you learn as you go. I have said this before but I will never remarry if something happens to my husband. I can live by myself and be happy. There are many things I can do to occupy my time. I am set in my ways my husband is the same way so we have to work around our ways. I am not sure another man could put up with me. I am anal on a lot of things. Just for the record I don't ever want to have to wash another mans dirty underwear.
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  8. #22248
    9/11/2001 NEVER FORGET. Ten Pin Bowling Champion, Bookworm Champion Eastcoastmom's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    My mom died at age 55 and dad was 59. They'd been married just shy of 35 years. Dad remarried 15 months after mom's passing which really stung. It's been said that those who have had happy marriages want to remarry and I should have been happy that my dad found love again. I was happy he found someone to share his life with as he was still a young man, but I felt he started dating much too soon. I guess there is no set rule for grieving, but 2 months seemed a bit premature to me.

    I'm not sure if I would marry again if I were widowed. I'd have to downsize for sure b/c no way could I take care of this home on my own. Nennie, you're so funny. Washing dirty underwear is not a deal breaker for me, but just for once, I would like someone to prepare ME all of my meals, for maybe an entire week. I'm tired of being a short order cook.

    So what do you all think...those who have had happy marriages would prefer to remarry or stay single?

  9. #22249
    FORT Fogey nennie's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    My husband tells me all the time that if he dies I would get another one and I keep telling him I ain't washing another mans dirty underwear. He doesn't believe me. My grandkids think their Poppie hung the moon and as outspoken as my 6 yr. old one is he would tell him he wasn't Poppie. I understand people needing to remarry. My mom never remarried after my dad passed away. He was gone 14 years when she passed. I am more like my mom in that manner. She enjoyed living her life the way she wanted. I am somewhat of a loner so that explains some of it.
    You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.

  10. #22250
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I've always said that men "move on to the next one" fairly quickly. I do know that you see that behavior in dating/divorced couples. Death can be a different issue, all together. A lot of times, I think we become mother-figures, tending to their daily needs and allowing our own to be neglected. Dr. Phil tells us that we teach people how to treat us. I believe this. I cannot be someone's cook and housekeeper, unless that's just what I happen to be in the mood to do that day.

    I, too, can tend to drift toward the loner side, so I don't need to have somebody around me on a regular basis. I treasure my private time.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

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