You mentioned recently that you sometimes suffer from anxiety. My son was very suddenly plagued with anxiety and OCD behaviors beginning a couple of years ago. One of the symptoms he experienced was thinking that people disliked him, were talking about him, were judging him, etc. Once one of these thoughts came to him, the OCD would kick in and he would have a very hard time letting it go. For about a year he isolated himself from all of his friends. His challenges went far beyond this, but this is the part that struck me after reading your post. After a lot of work and the help of a therapist he has come a long way. He still has thoughts that bother him, but he is learning to cope and recognize thoughts that are unreasonable (which can be harder than it sounds for a person with anxiety). He still isn't quite the kid he used to be, but I can see his true personality again.
Is talking to a therapist an option for you? I know many people are reluctant, but what is there to lose!? However, I also recognize that therapy is expensive and can be out of reach for many people based on job and insurance status.
Best wishes to you in your journey toward positivity!