+ Reply to Thread
Like Tree7289Likes

Thread: FORT Koffee Klatch

  1. #20221
    FORT Fogey Lizard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    1,922

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by prhoshay View Post
    Woke up this morning feeling lousy. I'd been having a not-pleasant dream, evidently, and my anxiety was leading the way; my former husband was a main cast member. I seldom have unpleasant dreams, thank goodness; it always takes me a few hours to shake the feeling off. The anxiety becomes replaced by annoyance until I settle down. Interesting, since I haven't heard his voice in several years; don't know where that came from.

    Now that I think about it, that's probably what inspired my grouchy post above!
    Hopefully just a one time occurrence
    You can do it!

  2. #20222
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Right Here, Right Now
    Posts
    25,811

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Over the weekend, my girlfriends and I got into a discussion about marriage that became pretty interesting. What were you taught/led to believe about marriage? Was it something to be excited about? Now, what were the realities of what you experienced? Did you get it "right" on the first try? Are we more afraid of being alone than concerned with listening to our inner voices? Are women led down the proverbial garden path when it comes to what to think about marriage? Why are guys so much more reluctant to marry? Is/was marriage what you expected?

    Our answers were all over the spectrum.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

  3. #20223
    Kip
    Kip is online now
    FORT Fogey Spider Solitaire Arkadium Champion, Bookworm Champion, Alu`s Revenge Champion, Titans Champion, Sky Blocks Champion
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    1,682

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by prhoshay View Post
    Over the weekend, my girlfriends and I got into a discussion about marriage that became pretty interesting. What were you taught/led to believe about marriage? Was it something to be excited about? Now, what were the realities of what you experienced? Did you get it "right" on the first try? Are we more afraid of being alone than concerned with listening to our inner voices? Are women led down the proverbial garden path when it comes to what to think about marriage? Why are guys so much more reluctant to marry? Is/was marriage what you expected?

    Our answers were all over the spectrum.
    I think my earliest ideas about marriage/"true love" came from fairy tales. When I was in about 2nd or 3rd grade, I remember having the idea that there was one person in the world meant for me, and I worried that the person for me might be in China and I might not ever meet him.

    I don't remember ever dreaming about a future wedding or anything.

    I met my husband when I was 18 and he was 21. It was a brief meeting at the end of my first year of college. We corresponded over the summer, started living together in the fall, and have been together ever since (43 years). At the beginning of our relationship, I was thinking in terms of a forever relationship - but the actual marriage wasn't important. I felt as committed to him as if we had been married, and I think he felt the same way. At the time, I don't remember having any preconceived ideas about how our relationship would evolve. We've had our ups and downs but never considered ending our marriage.

    I think a lot of women are in love with the idea of being in love. In watching "The Bachelor," it seems like a lot more women than men come on feeling like they're already in love with the bachelor or bachelorette, whereas most men have more of a wait-and-see-if-there's-a-connection-there attitude.
    cablejockey likes this.

  4. #20224
    Best Ever Pool Runner Angry Birds Champion pikachu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Tallahassee, FL
    Age
    43
    Posts
    5,076

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by prhoshay View Post
    Over the weekend, my girlfriends and I got into a discussion about marriage that became pretty interesting. What were you taught/led to believe about marriage? Was it something to be excited about? Now, what were the realities of what you experienced? Did you get it "right" on the first try? Are we more afraid of being alone than concerned with listening to our inner voices? Are women led down the proverbial garden path when it comes to what to think about marriage? Why are guys so much more reluctant to marry? Is/was marriage what you expected?

    Our answers were all over the spectrum.
    I always thought everyone eventually found a mate and ended up married. I thought the only people who stayed single did so by choice. Now that I'm grown up and find myself in the category of never married although I want to be, it makes me sad to realize that it's only a myth that there's someone out there for everybody.

    It boggles my mind that some women find 4 or 5 (or more) guys who want to marry them and some of us can't even get one guy interested!

  5. #20225
    FORT Aficionado echo226's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Stuck in the Middle
    Posts
    8,645

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by prhoshay View Post
    Over the weekend, my girlfriends and I got into a discussion about marriage that became pretty interesting. What were you taught/led to believe about marriage? Was it something to be excited about? Now, what were the realities of what you experienced? Did you get it "right" on the first try? Are we more afraid of being alone than concerned with listening to our inner voices? Are women led down the proverbial garden path when it comes to what to think about marriage? Why are guys so much more reluctant to marry? Is/was marriage what you expected?

    Our answers were all over the spectrum.
    I think that topic could also be in it's own thread ... and maybe open it to men too?

    My comment/opinion is that SO much is derived from how your own nuclear family was when you were a child.

    Sometimes our ideas, hopes and dreams are to be exactly as our parents and family situation was .... and some of us want our situation to turn out to be the opposite.

    I hope that makes sense.
    coltnlasma and Eastcoastmom like this.
    "The way to become boring is to say everything." Voltaire

    " The greatness of a nation can be judged by the way its animals are treated. "
    Mohandas Gandhi

  6. #20226
    FORT Fogey cablejockey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    ontario canada
    Posts
    1,847

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I remember being impressed by all the hoo-ha of a wedding when I was really young. Probably from watching tv and movies. The dress was what got me interested. Over time i really lost interest and had a very minimal type wedding When I was growing up, getting a husband was the main event for a woman, and it defined them.
    I'm pretty sure boys were not getting this message, and have no idea how men view marriage or love.

  7. #20227
    FORT Fogey Miss Scarlet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    3,758

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I grew up hoping that I'd find someone to marry because that's what you were supposed to do. And that women who don't were "old maids" and sad, lonely, pathetic creatures who weren't wanted.

    My parents had one of those picture postcard perfect marriages. I grew up in a Norman Rockwell picture family. To me, those earlier 1960's Sitcom families were reality, because I lived that way. Not that everything was always perfect, but like on TV, all problems were solved or passed by relatively quickly with very little fallout.
    I assumed I'd have the same because I thought all marriages & families were like this. Those that weren't were Mob families, with gun molls & a high criminal element.

    Boy was I in for a rude awakening! Once I was out on my own, I learned what was really out there. I still expected to have a marriage like my parents, and believed all the hype about working together & compromise & enduring love. That both parties have to be willing to give 50%. I thought it would be relatively simple if that's what I decided it would be.

    I married a controlling, manipulative, demeaning, cruel, abusive man. My marriage was nothing like my parents'. I was told I was a worthless failure & felt like one. Many, many years later I got the guts to divorce him.
    I've been single & happy about it ever since.
    I decided to take some time alone to get to know myself & get comfortable with myself, & get my self esteem back. Once I did, I found I liked it that way.

    I doubt I'll ever remarry and I'll certainly never live with a man without marriage. I enjoy living by myself & making all my own decisions. I'm content, happy, free, & at peace with myself & the world. I take care of myself & my life just fine. I still believe in marriage & happy marriages very strongly, because of the way I grew up. But I no longer feel I need to have a man in my life to be happy or fulfilled, or for my life to be worthwhile.

    The "old maids" may have had it right all along. It just took me a long time to figure that out.
    "Is this Heaven? No, it's Iowa. --Field of Dreams--"

  8. #20228
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Right Here, Right Now
    Posts
    25,811

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    pikachu, I am so glad that you spoke up. I think the unmarried/never married woman has a definite place in this discussion. Men, do, too. Most Definitely!
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

  9. #20229
    FORT Fogey nennie's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Oklahoma
    Posts
    2,903

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I can tell you if something happens to my husband before me I will never remarry again. One trip to the altar was enough for me. I told him and others I am not washing another mans dirty underwear again and I am through with having to cook meals all the time. I potty trained one not doing another. I bet there are men out there that feel the same way as I do.
    You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.

  10. #20230
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Right Here, Right Now
    Posts
    25,811

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Is it a dumb question to ask if you think that men marry to be taken care of? Like by mommy? Do we marry for the same reasons?
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

+ Reply to Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.