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Thread: FORT Koffee Klatch

  1. #19311
    Trouble in my life just1paul's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I can only agree with AZChristian - Too bad for her - she just lost a great big sister. Yes it is time to cut it off. Maybe that was her intent anyway, lots of 17 yr olds don't know how to say Gutmutter, it has been so nice having you as my Big Sister, but I'm 17 now and don't want to do this anymore.
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  2. #19312
    FORT Friend Baby's Breath's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I never come here to comment, but I feel compelled. Maybe I'm just a softie, but unlike everyone else, I don't think you should be upset with her.

    I often purchase foods that are good for me, but when it comes time to eat, I take the lazy route and just grab something out of a package that requires no preparation and no cleanup. Especially when it is hot out.

    I'm just picturing this 17 year old girl... she kept your house in mint shape... your pets were all well cared for... and so she didn't cook, but she used the cash instead... is that so bad? Could it be that when you were shopping, you felt you were doing something nice for her, but in reality, it wasn't really wanted she wanted, it was more of what you wanted?

    You've had such a nice bond with this girl for so many years, I just hate to see you let it go because of something like this. Maybe the only thing she is guilty of is not having the courage to say something for fear of disappointing you, like, "I should cook, but knowing me, I won't."

    If it were me, and this is only me... I would deduct the amount of the emergency fund from her pay, like you did and just ask her to, in the future, be honest with you and tell you what she wants, even if she thinks it might not be what you want.

    You guys have had a great thing going. Don't end it this way.

  3. #19313
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I think it's important to know when to let go. All relationships have a lifespan; I think it's important to know when to let go, gracefully. There's a beginning...there's the dash...and there's an end.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

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  4. #19314
    FORT Fogey Debb70's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    You have to do what you feel comfortable doing, however, I would give it more time before making any decisions. People make mistakes and sometimes we hurt people that we care about. Disappointing someone who you respect is painful. I know, because I've done it. You feel guilty and wish you could take it back, but you can't.

    I do think that ending the relationship, because she made her mistake, is a big price to pay. If you do end it, I would do it later after much thought and for other reasons. I don't think it's fair that she will have to have the idea that her mistake caused her the loss of great relationship. That's a big burden for a teen. Consequences should be felt, of course, but to lose the best role model in your life seems a huge punishment.

    It seems that ending the relationship might be done on more positive note and at a cut off time, say at age 18. It would be better if when she thinks back on all the positive things that she gained from knowing you, she would feel proud and thankful, not ashamed and regretful. JMO

    And what if her mom threatened her to take the money. What if she said, we need the money to keep our lights on or to put gas in my car for work. Just speculating.
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  5. #19315
    Me and my shadow Gutmutter's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Just to clarify: Before I left, we walked through the grocery store and SHE told ME what foods she would like. I didn't sway her in any way. I got every item on the list except raw cookie dough because I didn't want her to use the oven. Among the things she didn't even TOUCH were ice cream, popsicles, and Nutella - the specific brands and flavors she requested. So no cooking involved. Just sayin'.
    I have not told her I don't want to see her again. I agree that I need to take some time to cool down and look at it from all angles. But if we went for our time together right now, I would feel uncomfortable. My commitment to her was 2 1/2 hours every week for 9 years. There were only a handful of times we missed a week. I really thought we had a strong connection.
    I would like to know what the circumstances/reasons were for taking the money. Maybe I should try e-mailing her again and ask. That seems like the most non-confrontational way to do it.
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  6. #19316
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Your "what ifs" can lead to blackmail! Living your life for someone else never works well. It's not as if this girl is 8 years old; she has made grown-up decisions, and now gets to face grown-up consequences, like most people her age choose to do. You know what they say: Actions have consequences. She knows that.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

  7. #19317
    FORT Aficionado echo226's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I think your choice of giving decisions some thought and space before severing ties is a great idea.

    Talk to her ... ask her if she thinks that perhaps every other week might be better.

    I think cutting her off is not a great idea. It seems that you may be a positive constant in her life and someone she can count on.
    Weaning her might be the best way.

    I think you may want to let her know that you will always be her "Big Sister" albeit not via blood lines ... and that you are there if she needs you.

    For some reason ... my gut says she still needs you. ...But then ... I am a marshmallow.
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  8. #19318
    FORT Friend Baby's Breath's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by Gutmutter View Post
    Just to clarify: Before I left, we walked through the grocery store and SHE told ME what foods she would like. I didn't sway her in any way. I got every item on the list except raw cookie dough because I didn't want her to use the oven. Among the things she didn't even TOUCH were ice cream, popsicles, and Nutella - the specific brands and flavors she requested. So no cooking involved. Just sayin'.
    I have not told her I don't want to see her again. I agree that I need to take some time to cool down and look at it from all angles. But if we went for our time together right now, I would feel uncomfortable. My commitment to her was 2 1/2 hours every week for 9 years. There were only a handful of times we missed a week. I really thought we had a strong connection.
    I would like to know what the circumstances/reasons were for taking the money. Maybe I should try e-mailing her again and ask. That seems like the most non-confrontational way to do it.
    I'm sorry, I made too many assumptions. I thought you had said she was there to housesit for the week, which to me means living there, and would mean having permission to cook there. I didn't realize that all you'd boughten were snack foods.

  9. #19319
    Me and my shadow Gutmutter's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Last post and then I want to move on from this. She was there for a week. I did not just get her snack foods. There were plenty of stove top and microwaveable options, as well as lunch meats, yogurt, etc. The only thing that would have required an oven that she requested was the cookie dough.
    I sent her a gently worded e-mail requesting more information and she sent me a very rude reply. I wasn't expecting that, so I'm backing down and truly giving it some space now.

    On another note, my elderly neighbor opened her house to her granddaughter and boyfriend who brings his kids on the weekends while he tries to get custody. They have overstayed their welcome and undermine her authority. She came to my house crying a little bit ago because of something they had done. If anyone has a prayer to spare, or positive energy to send, the hope is that the GD and her BF will find an apartment of their own SOON. They are looking.
    Count your blessings!

  10. #19320
    FORT Fogey Air Blobs Easy Champion inthegarden's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    My thoughts are... At seventeen, I don't know if she fully understood what emergency cash meant and how it was to be used.
    Her mom probably was involved with the missing cash due to the fact that she needs a big sister.
    I remember taking my son to the grocery store and him picking out food he really wanted but the food sat in the cabinet untouched.
    I think I would have a face to face talk with her in a neutral place. Her facial expression might give you more insight into her explanation as to why she didn't eat the food and what happened to the money.
    Most important to me... considering what happened, I would change my door locks asap.

    I just read your above post so disregard everything I said except...change your door locks asap.
    Poor lady, like you she is being nice and they are taken advantage of her. I'll send up a prayer.
    Last edited by inthegarden; 07-14-2013 at 03:53 PM.

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