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Thread: FORT Koffee Klatch

  1. #19301
    FORT Fogey Debb70's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I agree that perhaps making a big issue of it, might not be a good idea, however, when are teens supposed to learn appropriate behavior? I see so many teens who just have no sense of what is proper conduct. They have no idea of what is polite, what is considered rude or what their responsibility is as a teen. If no one explains it to them, they will just grow into an adult with those traits. I see plenty of those too. Maybe this could be a good teaching opportunity.

    Many kids don't even know to say thank you when they get a gift or card. They don't even know that it's impolite to ignore someone who enters the room and refuses to speak to them. They think it's fine to sit playing on their phone during an entire meal. Your little-sister may think what she did with the food and money was fine. She won't know any different unless it's explained to her.
    Last edited by Debb70; 07-10-2013 at 07:25 PM.

  2. #19302
    Best Buddies Gutmutter's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Thanks to everyone who reflected different sides of the issue. I'm going to sleep on it and not react when I'm tired from a long drive and upset. Hopefully she will have responded to my e-mail by then and I'll have an idea whether she's remorseful or not.
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  3. #19303
    9/11/2001 NEVER FORGET. Eastcoastmom's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I'm sorry this happened to you, Gut, but glad the house is all in one piece and the pets are safe. I don't have much more to add except to have a heart to heart and explain why you are disappointed. I would pay her the money which was promised, but agree with the others that I would not ask her again. Heck, I was nervous even leaving my OWN 17 year old at home when we were away for a few days. A teen's brain is not fully developed at 17, nor at 18 or 19.

    For those of you saying that your relatives would sit for free and not expect to be paid, or vice-versa: this is Gutmutter's Little Sister from the Big Brothers Big Sisters Organization.
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  4. #19304
    Best Buddies Gutmutter's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I was kind of doing it as a favor for her because she's having trouble finding a job and her mom is pregnant and they aren't getting along. She's a loner and loves to read, so I knew partying wasn't an issue. But I thought she really respected me and wouldn't take advantage since I bent over backwards to get her food that she requested. From what I can tell, all she ate of what I bought was a package of cold cuts, a box of Hot Pockets, and a can of tuna.
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  5. #19305
    Live-Love-Laugh Fanny Mare's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by Eastcoastmom View Post
    I'm sorry this happened to you, Gut, but glad the house is all in one piece and the pets are safe. I don't have much more to add except to have a heart to heart and explain why you are disappointed. I would pay her the money which was promised, but agree with the others that I would not ask her again. Heck, I was nervous even leaving my OWN 17 year old at home when we were away for a few days. A teen's brain is not fully developed at 17, nor at 18 or 19.

    For those of you saying that your relatives would sit for free and not expect to be paid, or vice-versa: this is Gutmutter's Little Sister from the Big Brothers Big Sisters Organization.
    I did not know the part in bold- I was simply going by what our family does.
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  6. #19306
    FORT Fogey Miss Scarlet's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by Gutmutter View Post
    Before I left, we went to the grocery store down every aisle and section and I wrote down every thing she said she wanted to have /would eat. I went the day before I left and got every single thing on her "want" list. It's not like I didn't get her "junk" food... I got a very specific brand/flavor of ice cream that she never even opened, yet she went to the store and got specialty ($$$) individual ice cream treats. There's an entire jar of Nutella never opened, etc. I'm wondering now if she even stayed here or if she just came once a day to feed the cat, because the house doesn't look "lived in" at all. Not a single thing out of place or used. I put out bowls/plates/glasses for her to use since she's short and my cupboards are up pretty high and not one was used. No dirty dishes in the sink, etc. I don't want to pay her if she wasn't even here. I'm waiting for her to respond to an email.
    I'm suspecting you are right about her seldom if ever, staying there. At least she did feed the cat & didn't trash the house. Both are plusses when dealing with a 17 year old.
    But that doesn't excuse that she had you buy specific food SHE liked, then didn't eat any of it, and instead blew the emergency money on who-knows-what. Plus the lack of "lived in" look says a lot. As a rule, teens don't clean everything spotless just like you left it. Your instinct about that is probably right.

    Rather than reading her the riot act & just not paying her, I'd sit her down & talk to her about it first. Tell her the emergency money was for just that - emergencies only. Not oh-boy-free-spending-money. Ask her why she didn't eat the food you specifically bought for her. Ask her if she really stayed there at all & how often, & mention the untouched look of the house. Then discount the amount agreed upon. Then she'll know why & probably feel lucky to get anything at all.

    Oh, and thank her for making sure the cats were fed & taken care of & the house was in good shape. In the end, those things are important & she did hold up her end of the bargain there.

    She's still quite young & may not know any better. 17 year olds just aren't always all that bright & often have little knowledge of what is OK & what isn't. Talking to her may help her learn some of that.
    Kids often complain about adults "lecturing" them, but you know what? Those "lectures" often sink in whether they want to admit it or not.
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  7. #19307
    FORT Fogey Debb70's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I'll also add that if she is a teen who never has any money to spend, she may have found the emergency funds too irresistable. She may feel bad about it now. Kids who don't have experience handling money have often have difficulty with it.
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  8. #19308
    FORT Aficionado echo226's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    One other thing occurred to me.

    Part of the deal was you agreed to feed her and pay her for her time and help.

    SO ... I would add up the cost of the food you bought for her and that you won't eat and deduct THAT amount from the agreed upon "salary".

    I would get the truth about whether or not she stayed there.

    BTW ... My SO and I would care for he home, garden, and pets ( 2 cats, 2 birds, and a tank full of fish) for some friends for years.

    We would go twice a day. In the morning we would water the lawn and garden and feed the pets, clean the bird cage and litter box.

    In the afternoon, I would go and feed the second meal, and sit and play with the cats and birds ... about 45 minutes to an hour.

    It was always 10 days to 2 weeks that they were away.

    I would always leave flowers in a vase, or a plant ... sometimes a pie or a cheesecake.

    They always offered $$$ or tried to shove it in our pockets and we always refused or returned it.

    We did accept the souvenir gifts like T-Shirts and fudge.

    They are divorced now so we are off the hook.
    .
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  9. #19309
    Best Buddies Gutmutter's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Well, she never responded to my e-mail, so I called her. She claims she was here the whole time. Said it was hot so she didn't eat much. When I asked about the missing money, she got quiet and then said, "I didn't want to spend it, but my mom..." and then she dwindled off and didn't finish her sentence. I don't know if her mom took the money or told her to take the money, but I asked, "You knew that money was for emergencies not spending money, right?" and she said yes. So I told her I would deduct it from her pay, which I did. I'm not sure I want to continue our weekly meetings. She's 17 and doesn't really need a Big Sister anymore. It's more about getting a free meal these days for her it seems. At any rate, I need some time to reflect and cool down. What it boils down to is that I trusted her and she stole from me.
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  10. #19310
    8/2/64 until forever! AZChristian's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    " . . . didn't eat much . . . " except the take-out and junk food from the containers you found in the trash? If it was there the whole time, and it was that hot, kind of odd that she went out to get food when there was food available.

    Once trust is lost, it's hard to get it back. Hopefully, she's learned a lesson, even if she's lost a Big Sister.

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