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Thread: FORT Koffee Klatch

  1. #18341
    FORT Fogey
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I also brush in between my teeth with an interdental brush, and clean underneath my gums with a rubber tip gum stimulater. A gum stimulator supposedly helps cleans out plaque under gums.

  2. #18342
    8/2/64 until forever! AZChristian's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I just found out this morning that if you put your toothbrush in the charger, but you don't plug the charger into the wall, your toothbrush will not recharge itself.
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  3. #18343
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Say it ain't so!!!!
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    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

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  4. #18344
    First time caller Spoose's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I'm hoping there are some FORTers out there that can offer some support and advice.

    My husband and I have been together for 10 years and married for 2, we're both in our mid-30's. We've discussed the possibility of children for several years, but over the past few months, we've decided to not have children. The main reason for this is related to health issues. I have a blood clotting disorder that requires me to take blood thinners every day for the rest of my life. I'm allergic to the most popular "pregnancy safe" version of the drug so my only option would be a new (untested during pregnancy) drug. Also, my doctors have all done a good job warning me that pregnancy hormones increase my chance of forming life-threatening clots again and I was extremely lucky to survive the first two rounds of pulmonary embolism.

    Of course, we've considered adoption and surrogacy but we don't feel that they are good options for us. We both love kids and enjoy our nieces and nephews to death, but neither of us has an extremely strong urge to parent. We enjoy our freedom and our ability to jet off on a last minute holiday or enjoy each other in peace and quiet. And we LOVE our dogs

    Being in our mid-30's, ALL of our friends are having kids and inevitably ask WHEN (not if) we plan to have kids. Until a few months ago, we were still considering our options, but now I have to say, "Uh, never". I know I don't have to justify our reasoning, but I'll probably feel compelled to. My mom completely understands our decision (and had resigned herself to the fact that I would never be able to have children back when I first got sick) but my husband's side of the family doesn't quite get it. They've made me feel a bit guilty about it (as it's my health issues causing the lack of grandchildren).

    My Facebook page is full of updates from new mom's to be and comments from other friends saying that "Oooohhhh, congrats!! Being a mommy is the BEST thing in the world!". I'm very comfortable with our decision and know our lives will be full with each other, our careers, dogs, hobbies, and community activities. But a small part of me wonders if I'll regret it in 10 years when it'll be too late.

    So I guess I'm wondering...are there any childless and happy FORTers willing to give some advice?? Do you (or have you ever) regretted your decision to remain childless? Do you have a good response to the inevitable questions? How do you deal with or prevent losing friends because their lives revolve around their children and yours doesn't? Do you know of any websites and/or books that address the "Yes, I AM happy to be childless" topic? Thanks everyone!
    Last edited by Spoose; 11-20-2012 at 12:01 AM.
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  5. #18345
    Best Ever Pool Runner Angry Birds Champion pikachu's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I wasn't able to have children because a) I haven't met anyone to date, let alone marry and have a family with and b) because of medical reasons, I finally opted to have a hysterectomy. It pains me when people go on and on about how kids enrich their lives and/or ask if I have any kids or plan to have them. I realize they're only asking out of politeness, not realizing what a touchy subject it is for me, so I don't give a long drawn-out response. I say no I don't have children but I do have two cats! Would you like to see pictures of them?? Anyone who pries for a more detailed explanation can expect a rude response. I don't have to explain myself to them. We all make the most of what is given to us and everyone has their own challenges.

  6. #18346
    Mr. (Not so) Perfect Bouncing Balls Champion
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    It's my birthday in two hours here. <3
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  7. #18347
    FORT Fogey justCoz's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by Spoose View Post
    I'm hoping there are some FORTers out there that can offer some support and advice.

    My husband and I have been together for 10 years and married for 2, we're both in our mid-30's. We've discussed the possibility of children for several years, but over the past few months, we've decided to not have children. The main reason for this is related to health issues. I have a blood clotting disorder that requires me to take blood thinners every day for the rest of my life. I'm allergic to the most popular "pregnancy safe" version of the drug so my only option would be a new (untested during pregnancy) drug. Also, my doctors have all done a good job warning me that pregnancy hormones increase my chance of forming life-threatening clots again and I was extremely lucky to survive the first two rounds of pulmonary embolism.

    Of course, we've considered adoption and surrogacy but we don't feel that they are good options for us. We both love kids and enjoy our nieces and nephews to death, but neither of us has an extremely strong urge to parent. We enjoy our freedom and our ability to jet off on a last minute holiday or enjoy each other in peace and quiet. And we LOVE our dogs

    Being in our mid-30's, ALL of our friends are having kids and inevitably ask WHEN (not if) we plan to have kids. Until a few months ago, we were still considering our options, but now I have to say, "Uh, never". I know I don't have to justify our reasoning, but I'll probably feel compelled to. My mom completely understands our decision (and had resigned herself to the fact that I would never be able to have children back when I first got sick) but my husband's side of the family doesn't quite get it. They've made me feel a bit guilty about it (as it's my health issues causing the lack of grandchildren).

    My Facebook page is full of updates from new mom's to be and comments from other friends saying that "Oooohhhh, congrats!! Being a mommy is the BEST thing in the world!". I'm very comfortable with our decision and know our lives will be full with each other, our careers, dogs, hobbies, and community activities. But a small part of me wonders if I'll regret it in 10 years when it'll be too late.

    So I guess I'm wondering...are there any childless and happy FORTers willing to give some advice?? Do you (or have you ever) regretted your decision to remain childless? Do you have a good response to the inevitable questions? How do you deal with or prevent losing friends because their lives revolve around their children and yours doesn't? Do you know of any websites and/or books that address the "Yes, I AM happy to be childless" topic? Thanks everyone!
    I am not childless, however, I have a few perspectives I hope will help.

    First, when my husband and I married 20 years ago we initially decided not to have children. We did change our minds and have now one beautiful daughter. I have never regretted it for one minute, but I do not to this day think I'm the best mother material. I am not very 'maternal'. I sometimes wonder if she wouldn't have been better off with a different mom, but God gave her me. I am definitely not a typical mom and don't even understand mothers (parents) who make their children the center of their worlds. I personally need to be me first of all. If I tried to do anything else I'm fairly certain I'd go slightly crazy. At one time we decided to try for another one and I had a miscarriage. After that my daughter was a bit older and I realized I wasn't that great at nurturing and perhaps one child was more than enough for me. My daughter was probably 13 or 14 before people finally quit asking when we were going to have another one. I think asking people when someone is going to have children is an extremely personal and risky question to ask. Because of my situation and because I've had friends who were unable to have children I learned to be blunt and tell them I'd had a miscarriage. I was able to say it without crying, but it would always stop them in their tracks. I've always hoped that my bluntness would at least teach that person to be careful before just blurting out that question. Having said that, I do realize people aren't trying to be mean in their questions. They assume it's a natural progression in married life. If only they knew how often that question can really hurt someone they'd never utter it again.

    This is what I know from a friend of mine who was unable to have children. They really tried and even had some procedures done to facilitate pregnancy but none of them worked. They also talked about adoption. They ultimately decided on being child-free. It was a painful decision a few years ago. Now, however, she has learned to embrace that decision and says how happy she is with her life. She has freedom that no parent has. She can call her life her own. This past year I've heard her make several references to how happy she is that they don't have children. It was a long painful road to get to that happiness, but it did happen.

    I'm sure it's not an easy decision, but if you feel that it is the best for you just remember what led you to that decision in the first place. There are reasons you decided against adoption or surrogacy. You can have a happy life without children. I think if you truly believe that it is best for you, decide to own that decision and say it boldly. No explanation required. The questioners are the ones in the wrong, not you. Believe me, when you can proclaim it happily it is quite freeing. One of the life lessons my wonderful husband has taught me is 'who cares what other people think'. I'm still not as good as he at living out that philosophy, but I'm getting better. It's your life and you are the only ones who have to live it. If children don't fit into your life, they just don't and that's OK.

    I don't know what to tell you about losing friends due to them revolving their lives around their children, because while my life involves my child, of course, it doesn't revolve around her and never has. I will say my childless friend understands that her friends do have children and because of that she tries to fit in times that work best with their schedules. Since she generally has a freer schedule she knows she is better able to do that. I know she's had conversations with friends that she is working on maintaining the friendship. In turn they recognize the effort and try to work on the friendship as well. If friends don't do that, IMO they are not good friends and probably make better acquaintances. Also, she and her husband have acquired a few new friends (couples) that don't have children. They all understand because either by choice, or circumstance they are in the same boat. They have more time and can do more things at the drop of a hat like they can.

    I wish you the best.
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  8. #18348
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by JohnnyK View Post
    It's my birthday in two hours here. <3
    Happy birthday Johnny K!
    JohnnyK likes this.

  9. #18349
    Wild thang Rattus's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by Spoose View Post
    So I guess I'm wondering...are there any childless and happy FORTers willing to give some advice?? Do you (or have you ever) regretted your decision to remain childless? Do you have a good response to the inevitable questions? How do you deal with or prevent losing friends because their lives revolve around their children and yours doesn't?
    I am 52 and very happily childless. At one point in my life I assumed that I would have kids because that's just what people did, but eventually I realized that I don't have to do what everyone else is doing, and my life is the better for it. I was also told by so many mombies that I would regret not spawning, but here I am, thirty years later, still not regretting it. I may, when I'm 80 (assuming I make it that far) regret it then, but having someone look after my bills because I'm mentally feeble would never make up for a lifetime of wishing I didn't have to go to another stinking hockey game.

    And with respect to friends with kids, most (no, all) of them still want to spend some time with adults, doing adult stuff. That's what we're for - the adult stuff. Because we never, ever want to discuss diaper rash, the PTA, how fast they grow out of their clothes, or any number of other mind-numbingly tedious subjects.

    ETA: How to respond to people who ask: If anyone isn't satisfied by "we don't want them", then they really don't warrant an excess of politeness of my part. It really is none of anyone's business and if they push beyond my non-obligatory response, then they will find out exactly how I feel about the whole business.
    Last edited by Rattus; 11-20-2012 at 10:12 AM.
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    All I wanted was a 45, a stinking 45 - the record or the gun. I'd even settle for the damn malt liquor. - Al Bundy.

  10. #18350
    FORT Fogey PGM35's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I am 42 and my boyfriend (man friend - guy I live with - common law husband - whatever you want to call him ) is 39 and neither of us has any, nor has ever had any, nor ever want to have any children. We are (were) lucky to have found each other. So yes, very happily childfree/childless couple here. JustCoz and Rattus both said what I came here to say after reading your post Spoose.

    The freedom to do what you want - especially with your money for Goodness Sake's - is the best part. I cannot even imagine the cost of children nowadays on all the things they need much less the things they want, the selfish ingrates...... oh sorry. heehee.

    I have 2 nieces and 2 nephews (by blood) and 3 nieces and 3 nephews by marriage and 3 furry nephews as well as 3 furkids of my own. That is plenty.

    as far as what to respond - that happened on MY facebook page not too long ago. I was "complaining" sort of of the joys of changing doggie diapers at 3AM. The smell woke us up and I made a joke about not having kids so I didn't have to change diapers at 3AM and some smart ass commented about kids getting potty trained or some such nonsense and I shot back with something about dogs being able to stay outside all night alone and not talking back, and they came back with the Joys and the You will Never Know Unless You Blah Blah nonsense and my response was, "You don't know if I have tried to have kids and can't have kids so you need to keep your opinions to yourself and off my FB page". Of course that was a lie but he didn't know that and he wasn't/didn't need to to be on my page trying to convince me or anyone else (himself?) of the joys of parenthood. I probably didn't handle it well but this was a jerk anyway so he unfriended me and I am ok with it!
    Anyway, I don't regret it so far and don't think I will.

    Oh and my twin sister (we are fraternal twins) is married (for 20 years now I think) and she and her hubby are childless as well. I think they have the 4 blood niece/ nephews as well as 8 or so from his side so yeah, they are covered there as well!

    Oh and I have a Ladies Group on Meetup that I organize where we are all married / in relationship and you'd be surprised at how many are either childless by choice or had children really young and their kids are out of the house in college or married and on their own already. So we hang out with a lot of couples that are like us that don't have kids or had them and don't anymore. LOL
    Last edited by PGM35; 11-20-2012 at 11:28 AM. Reason: adding info

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