MRD -- I basically agree with queenb. Get something that is within the means of those who wish to participate, do it, and leave the offending party out of the whole thing. Also, most cemeteries offer something called "perpetual care" which you purchase for a flat fee. My folks are buried in CA and I don't think my sister checks on their grave at all, even though she lives close by. After a while a lot of people don't go visit their loved ones due to either pain, distance, or just plain "don't care any more." Hard to believe but true. Do what is in your heart and the hearts of others in your family who care, so you can "sleep at night."
GUT -- glad your party was a success and everyone enjoyed themselves. Hope you did too, and enjoy the leftovers!!