+ Reply to Thread
Like Tree6442Likes

Thread: FORT Koffee Klatch

  1. #15821
    FORT Fogey
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Among the flowers
    Posts
    1,403

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I have been married to a non-talker for over 50 years. I can only remember a few times when he has allowed himself to cry. He does not know how to discuss issues without clamming up or losing his temper. And yet I have stuck with him since I know it "comes with the territory."

    My dad was an engineer; they are famous for clamming up. One of my sons is an engineer and behaves the same way until some straw breaks the camel's back. Gut is right; it is the way they are wired.

  2. #15822
    Best Buddies Gutmutter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Nap Time
    Posts
    13,236

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Here's an interesting study I found when I was doing that paper... they put different pairs of people (of all ages) in a room with two chairs with the instructions to just talk. The men (and boys!) would set the chairs side by side and the women (and girls) would set the chairs facing each other. So if you do want to have a conversation with your man, do it when you're driving in the car or lying side by side in bed.
    Count your blessings!

  3. #15823
    Wild thang Rattus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    In the trees
    Age
    54
    Posts
    6,911

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I've been married for 23 years to a man who does talk, but he talks about (right at the very minute - won't shut up while I'm trying to read) caulking, wiring, how much...something or other he needs to get from the building centre, how much...something or other fits into...something or other on the computer, how many cd's he's culled from his collection, and annoying drivers he encountered on his cycle home from work. I listen with one ear, while he listens with one ear to my exciting ramblings about where they are on The Amazing Race, how many books I've loaded onto the Kobo, what I plan to do about the curtains in the bedroom, and annoying drivers I encountered on my cycle home from work. But we're together on the important stuff and listen with both ears then, and make our plans together and do our research together. I know that I am more emotional than he is (I cried when his mother, whom I did not care for at all, died - he did not, and he loved the old lunatic), but I find having a kind, stable, supportive partner far more important than having one who talks about his feelings about things.

    Actually, the more I think about it as I type, I'm really glad that I'm not married to someone who talks about his feelings all the time. My first husband "felt" things and god lord, I wished he would shut the hell up most of the time.
    All I wanted was a 45, a stinking 45 - the record or the gun. I'd even settle for the damn malt liquor. - Al Bundy.

  4. #15824
    FORT Fogey nennie's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Oklahoma
    Posts
    2,864

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    You made me laugh Rattus and I agree if I had to listen to the felt conversations I would pack my bag and hit the door. I smpathize with the hubs when things aren't good but I sure don't want it to become a broken record.

  5. #15825
    FORT Fogey
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Among the flowers
    Posts
    1,403

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Rattus -- sounds like you've got a great husband who will be of support to you as you go through your treatment and recovery. Hang on for dear life!!
    columbia

  6. #15826
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Right Here, Right Now
    Posts
    25,322

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I don't think she wants him to over-discuss his feelings, necessarilly. I think she just wants him to talk about things other than where he's been.

    I know the guy, and he was in a "talking profession". Law. I've talked to him, and I know he has the ability to expound on any number of things. And he's got a great sense of humor. I just don't think there's a real connection there.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

  7. #15827
    FORT Fogey Lil Bit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Iowa
    Age
    55
    Posts
    3,423

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Rattus - That made me laugh too, but it sounds like you and your hubby have a great relationship. I know some women who expect things from their men that just isn't "wired" into them. I've learned, over 33 years of marriage, that there are certain things I have to come right out and say to my husband, or he just doesn't get it. It doesn't mean that he doesn't care, he just doesn't see things the same way I do. Once I've made myself clear, he totally understands.

    Queenb - I see my husband doing that with my daughter. When we go to visit, he checks out her car and makes sure it's running right, he winterizes her house and car, things like that. My dad did the same things for me. It's his way of saying I love you. Today is my husband's birthday. My daughter called to tell him happy birthday and they talked for a couple of minutes, then he said, "so, do you want to talk to your mother?" I had to laugh, because that's the same thing that would have happened with my father.
    When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "Happy." They told me I didn't understand the assignment. I told them they didn't understand life. - John Lennon

  8. #15828
    FORT Fogey Ellen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Posts
    6,132

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Let's see: when my hubby is pissed, he clams up, puts away dishes loudly, and does similar stuff to get me to ask "What's pissing you off?" or "Are you mad at me?" I find it childish and annoying, so I just say: "If you're pissed off, just say so!" And then we talk calmly about it.
    When he wants to cuddle, he says: "I hate cuddling" or "Cuddling is for sissies" while snuggling up to me. I laugh at him and cuddle right back.

    We're weird.
    "There's no crying in baseball!"
    -- Tom Hanks, A League of Their Own

  9. #15829
    Dreamer VelvetRed's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    In Wonderland
    Posts
    3,138

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I like this which was posted elsewhere:

    "While you SCREAM at your woman..there's a man wishing he could whisper in her ear...While you humiliate, insult her...There's a man flirting with her, reminding her how beautiful she is...While you hurt your woman..there's a man wishing he could take her pain away...While you make your woman cry...There's a man stealing her smiles...Post this if you're against Domestic Violence...".

    It gives me hope that there are good men out there. True, a heavier topic than "they don't talk about emotions", but anyway.
    The Bachelor/Bachelorette series is a soap opera with unskilled actors, bad writing, and beautiful locations...it even edits the real moon!

  10. #15830
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Right Here, Right Now
    Posts
    25,322

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Do you ever see people that you have known for a long time, only to have to remind yourself that the person is dead? Mistaken identity. It rattles you. I've "seen" my mother and several of my friends, more than once.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

+ Reply to Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.