+ Reply to Thread
Like Tree5917Likes

Thread: FORT Koffee Klatch

  1. #11281
    FORT Fogey Margaritaville's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    1,857

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by burntbrat;3248596;
    Or you could say that you're not particularly fond of the first one so why have another one?
    I LOVE this one!!

    It is so weird, years ago we would simply say "We just aren't sure we want to have another one". And I swear, people would look at us like we were nuts (okay, okay - that's another post ) and say "well, one day you'll change your mind" or "well, one day you will regret that decision" and the classic and crass "well, that seems pretty selfish - what about your son? shouldn't you have a sibling for him?" Funny, I just never felt the need to procreate just for a playmate for him. Now, I just say "our family feels complete like it is, so back the hell up".

  2. #11282
    RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Stargazer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    On a Rocky Mountain High
    Age
    38
    Posts
    11,928

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Kids vs No Kids is one of those age-old subjects that people feel they have the right to comment on like stay-at-home vs working mom or breastfeeding vs no-breastfeeding. I've been a working mom and a stay-at-home mom and I often felt like the women I met were often the most judgemental. It frustrated me because I wondered how we could ask men not to be sexist about such things when women themselves are? I had women act like I was neglecting my child when I worked and had some act like I was a lazy free-loader when I didn't. Its annoying that we can't be more supportive of each other as a gender. I actually think that on this website, multiple viewpoints ARE often supported, which is nice.

    To me, all of these manner of issues are deeply personal and what works for one person won't necessarily work for another. During my first disaster of a marriage, I had one child and my husband and I could barely tolerate one another much less make time to spend together. Now I have four children including my stepchildren and my husband and I always find time for each other and our marriage has plenty of time for romance. The thing is that a healthy marriage doesn't have jack to do with how many kids you have or don't have. Its different for everyone depending on who they are with and what situation they are in. As a reformed child-hater, I certainly never imagined a household with four kids. Now I love it, but I wouldn't push it off on anyone else, either.
    "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda

    "I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson

  3. #11283
    Pineapple! ClosetRTWatcher's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Groovin' with my human boom box
    Posts
    4,519

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by Margaritaville;3248667;
    It is so weird, years ago we would simply say "We just aren't sure we want to have another one". And I swear, people would look at us like we were nuts (okay, okay - that's another post ) and say "well, one day you'll change your mind" or "well, one day you will regret that decision" and the classic and crass "well, that seems pretty selfish - what about your son? shouldn't you have a sibling for him?" Funny, I just never felt the need to procreate just for a playmate for him. Now, I just say "our family feels complete like it is, so back the hell up".
    As an only child, I can honestly say that I have never once considered my parents selfish for choosing not to have another child!

  4. #11284
    Got wings 9/19/2012 buglover's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    CA
    Age
    40
    Posts
    13,194

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    My ex-husband had 2 more kids with his new wife so I always say I never needed to have another one!
    Yup, with donuts!!

  5. #11285
    Amethyst YetiSports7 - Snowboard FreeRide Champion Amy Lee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    whatever
    Age
    30
    Posts
    6,070

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    You could also say that once you gave birth to him, he wouldn't leave. So you decided to keep him.
    Kiss me, ki-ki-kiss me
    Infect me with your love and Fill me with your poison...

  6. #11286
    Got wings 9/19/2012 buglover's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    CA
    Age
    40
    Posts
    13,194

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by Amy Lee;3248723;
    You could also say that once you gave birth to him, he wouldn't leave. So you decided to keep him.
    that's the best line I've ever heard Amy Lee!!
    Yup, with donuts!!

  7. #11287
    FORT Fogey Margaritaville's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    1,857

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by ClosetRTWatcher;3248690;
    As an only child, I can honestly say that I have never once considered my parents selfish for choosing not to have another child!
    That is so funny you say that. When my son was around 4 or 5, he really wanted a baby brother or sister (he didn't care which). After being hounded for quite some time, we explained to him why we weren't going to have another baby. He actually had a bit of a fit and said we were selfish to just decide and not let him decide. The things kids say..

  8. #11288
    FORT Fogey Missyboxers's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    NYC
    Age
    31
    Posts
    4,038

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by Margaritaville;3248792;
    That is so funny you say that. When my son was around 4 or 5, he really wanted a baby brother or sister (he didn't care which). After being hounded for quite some time, we explained to him why we weren't going to have another baby. He actually had a bit of a fit and said we were selfish to just decide and not let him decide. The things kids say..
    I am the oldest by 3 1/2 years, and a few months after my sister was born, I apparently told my parents that I'd had enough of her and that they could take her back. Now I wouldn't trade her for anything, but at the time...

  9. #11289
    MRD
    MRD is offline
    FORT Fogey MRD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    somewhere resting
    Age
    52
    Posts
    16,893

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by Margaritaville;3248667;
    I LOVE this one!!

    It is so weird, years ago we would simply say "We just aren't sure we want to have another one". And I swear, people would look at us like we were nuts (okay, okay - that's another post ) and say "well, one day you'll change your mind" or "well, one day you will regret that decision" and the classic and crass "well, that seems pretty selfish - what about your son? shouldn't you have a sibling for him?" Funny, I just never felt the need to procreate just for a playmate for him. Now, I just say "our family feels complete like it is, so back the hell up".
    My daughter at 17 will tell everyone she's happy not having siblings. She is.
    We are too now. We wanted more at one time. We're glad now we didn't have more. We used to get the it won't be fair for her to take care of you in your old age. Well I know plenty of people (me included) that had siblings and usually only one child ends up doing all the work for the elderly parents anyway, with a LOT of resentment towards the other siblings. This way, no resentment.

    I do have to say that I think that even with a child, my husband and I still have a very happy and wonderful marriage. I too feel my heart quicken when I hear his truck in the driveway. The child gets on our nerves at times, but we're also at the point where she has a lot of freedom so that certainly gives us a LOT more freedom than it did when she was small.

    Margaritaville, I tell people that ask me why we only had one: "I had 5 pregnancies and one live birth". Shuts them the HELL up and they are usually fairly contrite after that. Do I feel bad for making them feel bad for asking? No. They asked a rude question and they got a very honest answer. Don't ask me if you aren't going to like the answer.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  10. #11290
    FORT Fogey justCoz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    1,940

    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Isn't it funny how people all think it's ok to ask all those questions that are so rude. When we were first married we didn't want any children. Why that's not ok with people I'm not sure. Then we changed our minds and had one child. That's not ok with people either. If you have one you must need another. I did have a miscarriage when my daughter was 4, and that was also a planned pregnancy, but after that I really decided I just wanted one. If people are rude enough to ask if we are having more I tell them about the miscarriage. It doesn't hurt me to say it, and hopefully they think twice before they go around just asking people things they don't belong asking. My friend is desparately trying to have a baby. She has been married for almost 7 years and so people ask when she's going to have one. Not an easy question when she wants to have one so much.

    And then I guess it's ok if you have 2, 3 and maybe 4 kids. At 4 everyone told my older sister that was enough kids. My little sister had 3 step-children. After she married she had 3 more. She told me once that when it was just 4 kids she didn't get any looks from people at the store, 4 was ok. When she reached 5 children she suddenly got comments, bad looks and such. What gives people the right to decide for anyone what is appropriate in someone else's family I'm not sure.

    Of course I say that but meanwhile I think there's a couple at our church that should have stopped long before 7 kids. Not that I think they shouldn't have a choice but because I don't think they are good parents. They really can't afford 7 for one thing and always expect everyone at church to give them things because they have so many kids. I don't feel the need to provide for their children. It's their responsibility. I do feel sorry for the kids but the parents act entitled because they have so many. Also they don't really pay very good attention to those kids. The older ones are made to watch the younger ones and basically raise them. One of the middle ones couldn't read at all in 3rd grade, but worse than that is that her parents didn't even know she couldn't read. She got lost in the shuffle.

    That's not to say all parents with a lot of kids are bad at it. I have a friend with 5 kids. She is very involved and knows what is going on with her kids, interacts with them. I don't always agree with her parenting style but I'm sure she doesn't mine either! And they can afford 5 children and don't expect other people to help out.

    btw I think the key to a lot of happiness with a spouse with or without kids is if you are friends. Even reading this thread it shows that the people who are stating they are happy there seems to be a basis in friendship. MrCoz and I also think that a good sense of humor goes a long way to creating that happiness. Of course we are generally upbeat people so that helps but our friendship is really important to maintaining the happiness in our marriage.

    I sometimes wonder if I should have had another kid so my daughter could have had a sibling because all my friends that have been only kids have been lonely and wanted siblings. I don't feel guilty about very much so it's crazy that I question this at all. Then I remember why we made the choice and I know I'd make the same choice every time. We do tell my daughter how lucky she is to not have siblings. She gets in far less trouble due to no fighting. She gets spoiled much more than we could if there were two. And we've taken to renting a kid for vacation. It's the best of both worlds. She has a friend on vacation and I only have to pay for that kid for one week out of the year. It seems a small price to pay.

+ Reply to Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.