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Thread: FORT Koffee Klatch

  1. #10891
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Bring it to the teachers attention and impress upon her how serious it is and she can get the child seen by the guidence counselor or the school pyschiatrist. At that point, they will have to talk to the mother as well, but at least the school is informed and maybe they can help the mother get counseling for the child as it seems as if the child needs it.
    Taking a 6 year old to a funeral is not something I'd do at ALL. Especially another child's funeral. Sounds like the mother isn't all there either.
    But I think you are right in wanting to raise the warning flag.

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    FORT Fogey Margaritaville's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I am just at a loss for words about this. There are just so many things wrong with this situation. You definitely should bring it to the teacher's attention - ALL of it, including mom's lack of concern about the whole thing. So very sad, but it can get much worse if something isn't done to intervene for this little boy.

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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I agree with what everyone's said so far. You went to the mom first and tried to talk to her. It's obvious she isn't seeing it the same way and there definitely seems to be some cause for concern. Talk to the teachers, they need to be aware because someone needs to talk to the child.

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    FORT Fogey Ellen's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Quote Originally Posted by myrosiedog;3229167;
    . . . Taking a 6 year old to a funeral is not something I'd do at ALL. Especially another child's funeral. Sounds like the mother isn't all there either.
    But I think you are right in wanting to raise the warning flag. . .
    I disagree. I've gone to funerals -- family funerals especially -- for as long as I can remember. In our culture (Polish-American), funerals were a celebration and remembrance of the life of the deceased. We were taught that it's normal and natural to feel sad and miss a loved one who has died -- but that it's important to remember and celebrate the good things. There have always been children of all ages at our family funerals -- just like at the weddings -- and none of us have ever gone bonkers, burned down houses, or suffered any other sorts of ill effects. It's actually made us better at handling death.

    This child in question, however, might be just exploring his/her feelings. But I would err on the side of caution just in case the kid has a few screws loose. Notify the teachers; have the kid talk to the school shrink or social worker or whoever has been trained in this field. It can't hurt to call in a pro to determine if the kid is just sorting out feelings (probably needs to talk about it) or if there's a real problem going on there.
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I agree with you, Ellen--we went to all the family funerals when I was a kid, and I don't remember any of the kids there being all that interested in what was going on when we were six or seven, even though we knew. I hate to admit that at my great-great grandad's funeral, I mostly remember that they left his glasses on--and that they had a table of food including some weird looking pink/purple cocktail onions that I kept being told to stop pointing at and asking about. Personally I feel like the mother in this case might have been trying to make her son feel comfortable with the idea, went into too much detail, or whatever, and this happened. I would get him checked out just in case, though.
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    Where I come from, teachers are mandated reporters, meaning if they are aware of a child showing these inclinations, they are required by law to report it. Tell the teachers and they should deal with it.
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    The difference being the kids "weren't all that interested in what was going on". In a case where the kid is obsessed with death, a funeral could just give him affirmation that it is something to wish for.

    I chose not to take my child to a funeral until she was a little older than 6. I felt that she wasn't ready yet for it-but that's really an individual decision that each parent should make because they know their child better than anyone. But in my family there weren't too many funerals until she was a little older than 6 too.

    However, in shay's case, I think the mom taking this child to a funeral to try to get hin over his obsession with death backfired. Maybe at 6, he wasn't quite ready to go to something like that, especially given his obsession.
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  8. #10898
    Premium Member canuckinchile's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    It's the fire thing that is a little freaky. My father and sister died very close together when my son was six. We tried very hard to explain it to him in a way that wouldn't be frightening etc. He made a card for my mom (that she has kept) that showed my dad and her as angels in the clouds. He told her "I hope you get to be an angel with grandpa real soon." He meant it to be comforting to her (which it was since he was so sincere). He did not have a full understanding that it meant you were dead. For right or wrong (and I'll admit here we are not particularly religious) we had explained to him that you went to another happier place. He thought being an angel and flying around in the clouds would be pretty okay. But again, you have to go with your gut feeling, and the "wanting to die in a fire" is worrisome.

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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I think kids that age can often be curious about death, especially if another child dies. I remember my niece learning about death and angels in Sunday School and coming home and telling her mom that she couldn't wait to die so she could go to heaven and be an angel. It freaked my sister-in-law out, but my niece wasn't obsessed with the idea, and it passed. I'm wondering if the boy was obsessed with death before or after the funeral. Did she take him to the funeral to teach him about death, or did going to the funeral cause all the interest? And where did the "dying in a fire" come from. That, to me, is the most worrisome part. I agree with all the other posters in saying that it should be brought to the school's attention and he should see a counselor.

  10. #10900
    Signed, Sealed, Delivered prhoshay's Avatar
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    Re: FORT Koffee Klatch

    I did tell the teachers yesterday (none of them are his teachers at school) and I also passed it on to the community center's director. The reaction that I saw was rather of people on the side of the road watching an accident scene and going . The mother also said that the child did not have any interest in fire, and from the way she related it to me, the obsession with death was there before she took him to the funeral and that the obsession was why she took him to the funeral.

    This can be such a "hands off" society, anymore. I miss the days of the village helping to raise the children. I feel like I've done all I can as far as alerting professionals, and the parent, about what I learned from him; with something like this, when does it get to the point that you've overstepped your boundaries? If he were being physically or sexually abused, I would have called the CACU (Crimes Against Children Unit) people, myself, way before now. He seems like a happy little boy and appears to be clean, well fed, and well cared for.
    Last edited by prhoshay; 11-06-2008 at 10:18 AM.
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