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  1. #121
    Livin' the life Dinahann's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Muduh
    I was at a Craft show in a big sports arena. Had to visit the rest room. No one else was in the place. When I tried to get out of the stall the door wouldn't open. I have clastrophobia really bad so I was feeling panic creep up. I knew that I'd better do something fast so I started to crawl out from under the door. About half way out I was going to turn over to keep my face away from the floor. As I was turning I looked to the side and there were two pairs of feet. One was very small. Very small BOY feet. The little cutie said loudly. "Mommy I wanted to go to the men's room but you said there might be a weirdo in there." He was about seven years old and really should have been in the men's room. Then he would have been spared seeing an over weight, middle aged woman make a fool of herself.
    . You've made my day, Mudah. Too funny!
    Well I was born in a small town
    And I can breathe in a small town
    Gonna die in this small town
    And that's prob'ly where they'll bury me

  2. #122
    Just Forting Around roseskid's Avatar
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    Here are three of mine (out of hundreds)

    I was cooking flaming duck for some friends for the first time, poured the Gran Marnier over the bird, lit it on fire, and the flames shot up and singed my kitchen cabinets!

    I got hired once just before superBowl, and of my coworkers was having a big party. I went thinking it would be a great opportunity to get to know everyone. We're all there, having a great time, when some good football thing happened (no idea what!), and everyone started clapping and yelling. When things settled down, and the house got quiet, my boss, who was standing across the room from me, asked me if I liked football. I explained to him, not really, don't understand much about it, but I do like when the crowds get really excited. But what I actually said was, "not really, don't understand a lot about it, but I do love it when the 'clouds start crapping'"!!!!! Needless to say, everyone burst into laughter..... I was pretty embarrassed momentarily, but even I had to admit it was pretty funny.

    Last one I'll own up to now is.....I decided to have my husband's large family over for dinner for the first time to meet everyone. We had dinner, and had everything cleaned up. I had run out of dishwasher detergent, but remembered reading on the Tide clothes detergent box that you could use it to wash dishes, too. So, I poured it into the dishwasher, and joined everyone in the living room. My future mother-in-law let out a little gasp, and we all turned around to see gallons of suds marching out of the kitchen into the living room. We all jumped up and carefully (it was really slippery), made our way to the dishwasher, and proceeded to spend the next few hours scooping out bowls and bowls of suds. They are wonderful people, and it certainly broke the ice! They nicknamed me "Lucy".

    And yes, I am blonde!
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  3. #123
    FORT Fogey famita's Avatar
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    I remember one time way back where I had to quit college and was working my first full-time job. Well, all the crew went out on the town until the bars closed. I had grabbed a ride from a fellow worker(who wasn't drinking and was our designated driver). I had to use the bathroom so bad that I told him to hurry up and he did. He was stopped minutes later by police who claimed that he ran a red light. By this time my back teeth were swimming, so I asked the nice policeman what would happen if I left to go find facilities. He said nothing to me, so I left, on a major adventure to find the first bathroom. I went to the first open bar and went to the bathroom, only to find it was locked. So I went to the bartender to ask for the key. When I did, I noticed everyone was looking at me. I didn't think anything of it. I went to unlock the door and went in. The bathroom was in pristine condition, with even the paper across the toilet. I had to unwrap the soap. I couldn't get over how clean it was. So, I take the key back and that's when it dawned on me. This was my first adventure in a gay, leather and chain and dog collar and whips, bar where no women had apparently ever entered before me. When I got back to the car, the guys were hooting and hollering over me going into the bar. They knew how naive I was and thought it was the funniest thing.

  4. #124
    Peeking In Duxxy's Avatar
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    when you say first adventure.. are you hinting that there were more?
    "Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."

  5. #125
    Just Forting Around roseskid's Avatar
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    Not necessarily an embarrassing story, but famita's reminded me of this. I went to visit my sister in San Francisco years ago. She took me to a punk club and there were some very exotic people there. In the ladies room, there was a line, of course. The woman standing in front of me was very big-boned, and had on a skin-tight, leopard spotted dress. I happened to glance down at her feet, and they were huge and hairy, easily the ugliest feet I've ever seen on a woman. (Can you tell where this is going?!) Anyway, the stall next to the one she went into was finally opened, and as I'm sitting there, I look over, and her feet are pointing toward, not away from, the toilet. I was extremely naive at the time, so it made quite an impression on me!
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  6. #126
    FORT Fogey famita's Avatar
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    Duxxy, I ended up going back to that bar because I had told some of my friends at work and they didn't believe me. So, we went, and it was that same bartender with a huge mohawk, studded dog collar (with the points), chains around the wrists, leather vest with no shirt, and whips hanging around the drop ceiling around the bar. I ended up thanking the bartender, and he said I was the only female that had ever been there.

  7. #127
    FORT Fogey famita's Avatar
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    Roses, Isn't it hilarious how naive we were? I think in some ways I still am. Altho' I am learning. My sons have really helped a lot!!
    I have some friends who were even more naive than I. I used to get in a lot of circumstancial trouble and would tell them all about it and we would giggle.

  8. #128
    Just Forting Around roseskid's Avatar
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    Oh yes, I was terribly naive. I definitely grew up sheltered from most outlandish things in life. I certainly had tough breaks come my way at an early age, but as far as lifestyles different from the "norm", I was like a child. I had no idea anything other than "typical" even existed. I am fascinated by and tolerant of all kinds of people -- if one is kind, I'm there!

    Here's another embarrassing story. In my 20's I was riding my bike along the boardwalk under a pier at the beach once. Remember how you can jump off one side of your bike while it is still moving? Well, I started to do that right below the pier where hundreds of people were standing, looking down at all of us on the boardwalk. However, I was going too fast when I made my move, so I'm desperately trying to keep running alongside my bike, trying not to lose my balance. I did the whole wobbling, stumbling run, thinking, gad if I fall, it is going to hurt. Somehow I was able to slow everything down, and as I was trying to compose myself, I heard a loud noise. I looked up and everyone on the pier broke out into raucus laughter and applause. My friends and I just stood there. Since the earth was not cooperating and didn't swallow me whole, I decided to go with the flow. I took a 360 degree curtsy and laughed along with everyone else. Then made a hasty retreat!

    I wasn't kidding before.....I've got hundreds of embarrassing stories. It's the story of life.....
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  9. #129
    Fort Beaudyfull BorderEevil2's Avatar
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    Embarassing Moments?

    Well I do recall back in high school in between classes I was running and it was raining that day. While speeding thru the hallway the floor was a wee bit slippery and I fell!
    And my two buds from high school that were behind just LAUGHED!


    Also another incident, this theater that I was at. Long before Stadium Seating is thee thing now this one is was at the floor is slanted. I always got popcorn and I always bought M&M Peanuts to go w/ the popcorn. I dunno what happen here but when I opened the M&M box it fell onto the floor and being that the floor is slanted all the M&M noisly went down. People around me heard it and looked around to see where is it coming from? I was soooo embarassed I just quietly ducked my head down.

  10. #130
    FORT Fogey famita's Avatar
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    I really need to laugh so I read through these again. I noticed that one of my posts was not here so I decided to make myself laugh again while I shared it with you all. A bunch of years ago I went to a wedding of a coworker with my best friend. As it was out of town, we shared a motel room and left our kids with our spouses. We find this church after 2 hours of driving around and discover its one of those cute little rural churches. As it had been many years since I had stepped foot in a church I was a little apprehensive. My friend told me not to be a dope, that nothing would happen, so we entered and sat down. We were looking around at the stained glass windows and looking at the people (we only knew the couple getting married) when it happened. The ground shook. Not only that, it rumbled. Well, I was close to fainting and was already on my feet when my friend grabbed my arm and told me to sit down. She then said the church was not level because every time someone walked down an aisle, the whole church shook! Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather!!!! Well, the best part of this whole ordeal was yet to come.
    They had the reception in the basement so everyone gathered down there. They had a huge food line with all the food interspersed with the lacy decorations and candles. Well, my friend and I started down the line and grabbed our paper plate, paper napkin, plastic silverware and started putting food on our plates. They had 3 different kinds of potato salad, baked beans, a huge relish tray....meats, breads, desserts.... and something caught my eye in the decorations. I leaned forward and motioned over to my friend to look at it with me. She looked at me with horror in her eyes and so I look down,....and my napkin is on fire-the fire is wafting over my plate into my baked beans! We have now moved to in front of the punch bowl. I handed the punchbowl lady the flaming napkin and said "would you dispose of this?" (my mama is a pure LADY and raised me to have manners-another too long of a story). She takes the napkin and puts it on the floor. She is looking quite dumbfounded in her cute dr scholl's opentoed sandals so my friend starts yelling at the top of her sizable lungs, "STOMP THE !@#$ OUT OF IT!!!" omg, I never thought I'd live that down!

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