I'm sorry no one helped you, Applesauce!
You reminded me of a face-burning moment when I was pregnant. My mother-in-law is, well, to put it kindly, a piece of work. She doesn't like me, but then, she doesn't like any of my husband's friends or old girlfriends, so I learned a long time ago not to take it personally.
When I was pregnant, though, she went into overdrive. There were many odd and awkward moments, like reminiscing at Thanksgiving in front of lots of extended family that "if only" my husband had called some girl back who left a message for him in high school, and going on and on about what pretty blonde hair she had, etc. (I don't know if my husband is just wonderfully loyal but he swears he doesn't even know who his mom could have been talking about. :biglove) Whatever vile thought she had would just come popping out of her mouth for those nine months.
The worst was when I was about 7-8 months along, you know, about the time you gain the ability to balance a cup of water on your stomach.:rolleyes A great time for a woman's self-esteem. Anyway, we went out to a popular touristy restaurant where we lived in Santa Barbara. We had to wait a few minutes for a table, then the hostess took us to our seats.
Apparently, my MIL had spent that time checking out the hostess, because as soon as the girl had made all of three steps away she declared in a loud, carrying voice : "Honey, did you see that girl? She was so gorgeous. I've never seen an Asian girl with such a big bust!" (Actually, she phrased it differently - but this is a PG13 site.)
I swear it seemed like the entire restaurant froze for a moment. My FIL, my husband and I all had red faces with mortified expressions; then, the two of them started a conversation about computers or some such and I was stuck there with the insane urge to laugh - not because it was funny, but some sort of emotional meltdown. After a few minutes of choking down the giggles I excused myself to the bathroom. I felt like crawling out the window and leaving my husband to eat alone with his embarassing kin, but when you're that pregnant your options are limited. :nod
That's the first time I started to think maybe my MIL is mentally ill and not just a "character."
OK.. I'm embarassed to admit it, but I have shopped at Costco (read the snob thread and you'll see why I am embarrassed to admit this). No.. that wasn't my story..
Anyway, I was at Costco with my mom and my grandparents. They're old.. REALLY old. My mom takes them to Costco once a month so they can pick up bulk items, and go on a little "outing". Anyway, we were walking around, and my grandfather see's the Fish/Meat section. He walks over, and see's some sort of fish (I think it was trout) and he decides to buy one. It's sitting on the Styrofoam tray wrapped in plastic wrap, and he picks the thing up VERTICALLY. Heavy fish, loose plastic wrap, old man. The fish falls through the plastic wrap, and onto the counter. My grandfather and my grandmother are trying to pick up the slimy fish, but can't seem to get a grip (literally and figuratively), and the thing falls onto the ground. So my mother joins in, so all 3 of them are trying to wrangle this slimy dead fish (If my grandparents had just let my mother do it, as she was the only one flexible enough to bend over, this wouldn't have been an issue), meanwhile, everyone in that section of the store has turned to look at my insane family.. with me.. trying to be as obscure as possible. Anyway. My mom finally gets the fish, and tells me to get a plastic bag to throw it into. So I do.. and she puts it in the bag. We get to the checkout counter, and what happens? My grandfather picks the bag up, and the fish falls through the bag. Guess who had to wrangle the fish this time.. ME.. at the checkout counter.. I stank like fish all day.
All right, I'll share mine (hope I havnet already! :lol)
I was forced to go to these cheap (read, government subsidized) summer away camps when young, those things that teach you to be good boys and girls and love America and God unconditionally.
Anyway, I had to be 10 or 11 or so, and had stopped eating meat, but at the time just 'red meat.' The camp just didn't understand this concept. Apparently to them, all cooked meat was no longer 'red' and the rule was you had to eat 3 bites of everything on your plate. Well, I got out of the obvious meat issue, but everything else was apprently cooked in meat products as well.
Let me also add, I was also lactose intolerant, so really - what was there for me to eat?
Anyway, while I got out of the meat, I didn't with the lactose thing, so I had to eat my three bites. Anyone else know when milk does when you can't digest it? Gas galore.
Every morning and evening we saluted the flag as it was raised and lowered, the WHOLE camp was there. Well my gas had been building up pretty bad, and one day during the lowering, I tried to hold it in, but it came out SO LOUD, the whole camp heard it, I sware, I don't know how it oculd have come out so loud, at least without rupturing something!
The whole camp started laughing, I started crying - and mor egas was of course making it's way out. It was absolutely awful.
:lol :rofl :lol :rofl I'm sorry, but I'm laughing REALLY hard right now! :lol :rofl :lol :rofl
Originally Posted by Glitternerfball
I have been laughing so hard reading all these storys. :lol
When i went to Cancun, me and my cousins were in the sea havin fun, then this huge wave comes above our heads, and knocks us over, it literaly flipped my over, hurting myself against the rocks and sand. I get up gasping for air, when the people in the sea start staring at me. I look at my cousin and she`s staring at me as well, then she points to her bikini, i look down and the top part of my bikini had moved and my nipple was exposed :blush
Wasn't sure whether to post this in "I'm almost too ashamed to admit" thread or this one. :lol
MacDOnald's over here, has this special deal on ice-cream cones. It's just a simple Vanilla cone, no biggie. THey charge $0.25..dirt cheap I know. ANyhow, it was the last day for my friend being here. My friend tells me to bring a big bowl, and we'd try our luck to get a huge bowl of ice cream for really cheap.
So we walk up to the counter, and I slide out my bright orange plastic bowl, and run off because I was cracking up. I didn't believe that my friends and I were actually going to go through this. So I run off laughing my head off :rofl . My friend proceeds to order "I'd like to have 10 cones, except without the cone, and put the ice cream in here *hands over the bowl*" I'm like laughing so hard, I was crying. She even managed to get him to put chocolate sundae over (and he was very generous). He handed it over to us and said "please don't show my manager, or i'll be in deep s**t" . So here we are, a big salad bowl, full of ice cream, and Macdonald was in the middle of a big shopping mall, so we're walking across with a big bowl of ice cream :rofl
EMbarassing yes! funny YES! :rofl :rofl I still laugh so hard that we went through that. Hey we fed about 6 people, loads of ice cream, sundae for $2.50 :rofl :rofl
:rofl That's a funny sight.
I was in a bar with friends, holding my drink in one hand. One of my friends decides, probably spurred on by vodka, to grab my other hand and "milk my mouse" (if you've never heard that phrase, it means to bend someone's pinkie finger down and squeeze hard. It hurts. A lot.) Anyway, it hurt, and I was so startled I jumped -- and accidentally threw my drink into the side of my head. I had vodka and orange juice dripping from my hair and had to grab a stack of bar napkins to blot it up. :laugh
I was at a Craft show in a big sports arena. Had to visit the rest room. No one else was in the place. When I tried to get out of the stall the door wouldn't open. I have clastrophobia really bad so I was feeling panic creep up. I knew that I'd better do something fast so I started to crawl out from under the door. About half way out I was going to turn over to keep my face away from the floor. As I was turning I looked to the side and there were two pairs of feet. One was very small. Very small BOY feet. The little cutie said loudly. "Mommy I wanted to go to the men's room but you said there might be a weirdo in there." He was about seven years old and really should have been in the men's room. Then he would have been spared seeing an over weight, middle aged woman make a fool of herself.
I was in 11th grade when my most embarrassing thing to date happened. I fell asleep on my desk because we were taking a geometry mid-term and I was able to skip it since I had no absences. Well, I started *cough* snoring, loudly according to my best friend. Of course, this class had two cute guys in it so I was mortified. Now I wouldn't care as much but back then :blush I still have not heard the end of it and that was a bit more than three years ago.
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