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Thread: For long term marrieds:fireworks at first meeting?

  1. #21
    FORT Fogey live4romance's Avatar
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    Feb 2004
    The Emerald City
    I met my husband my first day at college, we were both RA's in the dorm and had to go to school early for meetings. My hubby walked into the meeting late, so he was a real "stand out" and I knew the minute I saw him, he was the one. We talked a bit after the meeting and that night I wrote my boyfriend of 2 1/2 yrs a dear john letter. Hubby and I've been married 42 1/2 yrs. I knew he was the one from that first moment!

  2. #22
    MRD is offline
    FORT Fogey MRD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    somewhere resting
    Quote Originally Posted by cabernetCally View Post
    after 23 years I can honestly say my first impression was "he's cute"..the second was "maybe I was wrong", the third was "he's a keeper"....
    I can SO relate to this one!

    My husband and I will be married 17 years in March and were together 2 years before that. So fireworks? No, not in the beginning. He became the roommate of a good friend. This house was also where we all used to hang out (young to mid 20's all of us). I was dating a friend of his. Met future hubby, liked him as a friend, hung out with him in a group setting for 6 months. Thought he was cute, that was it. Broke up with the other guy (which was just casual anyway) and ended up driving Mr. Rosie home when his roommate ditched him at a party to go off with a girl. Sparks flew that night and we started dating. But from teh beginning? No, I just liked him as a friend. And both of us say that the secret to our marriage was that we were friends at first and got to know each other before romance got in the way.

    After dating for a few months, I thought maybe this is not what I want, but then we went through a real emotional couple of weeks concerning something that involved both of us and that drew us closer together and we knew from that point on we'd get married. But had to postpone the wedding for almost a year because my parents and grandmother were in a horrendous car accident and then change it a 2nd time and move the date up by 3 months because of surgeries my mom and grandmother had to have resulting from the car accident. We wanted to get married before the surgery because they were not sure either one would walk again. They did and we had a beautiful wedding and a loving marriage and while we could use some fireworks now, we've certainly had our share in 19 years and will again, I'm sure. But having an only child and a teenager to boot, she's driving us insane and its all we can do to be parents at this point, so all energy to generate fireworks is used up trying to douse the flames of teenage hood.
    Que me amat, amet et canem meum
    (Who loves me will love my dog also)

  3. #23
    A Meat Loaf Aday... ClosetNerd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Northern NY
    Ohh dear No way. I moved in with him the day after we met, (it was a roomate needed situation) I thought he was ... ug. I hated how he acted and I didn't think he had anything going on for him in the looks department either. It took several days before I started to see that there was the potential for an actual human being under all that, eh.. whatever it was. And a couple more weeks before I decided "Ok, he might have what it takes" Of course, by then we were already an item. Wierd how that happened. That was in 1999/ I was a hard-lived 19 and he was just a baby of 18 then. Boy did I get lucky that could have turned out badly!
    ~There is no way to Happiness. Happiness is the way.~

  4. #24
    Wild thang Rattus's Avatar
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    Feb 2005
    In the trees
    I met the current Mr. Rattus the week I returned from my honeymoon with the first Mr. Rattus. There were no sparks whatsoever (sadly with either of them). Mr. Rattus #2 ended up drumming in a band I was in with Mr. Rattus #1, so we became friends and he watched and waited patiently while my marriage to Mr. Rattus #1 unravelled as everyone, including myself, knew was going to happen.

    So a couple of years go by, marriage breaks up, still friends with Mr. Rattus #2, still no sparks. Mr. Rattus #2 puts the moves on me, so I started going out with him because I never know how to say no to a friend. Still no sparks. In fact my best friends asked me if he was making me uncomfortable because I looked, well, uncomfortable with him draped all over me.

    Anyway, as people keep telling the young folk who refuse to go out with people who are "not their type", love grew. And grew and grew and grew. We have been together over twenty years now, married eighteen, and my heart beats faster and my face gets flushed when he leaves me a voice-mail. There is no one I would rather spend time with, and I will travel with absolutely no one but him.
    And so it begins, the end of times..

  5. #25
    Who Dat lildago's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    applesauce, I met my husband on a blind date too...only there were no fireworks and I sure didn't know he was "The One." I didn't even want to go on the date because I had recently ended a bad relationship. But our mutual friend kept pushing me to meet him, so I agreed. I was so indifferent about the whole thing that I went straight from the gym in my workout clothes. He says he knew right away and still occasionally tells me how cute he thought I looked in my workout clothes! ( It was a t-shirt and soccer shorts. ) It took me a little longer. When I injured my back playing soccer and needed surgery, he never left my side. That's the day I saw fireworks! ...Although now that I think about it, maybe it was the anesthesia! I'M KIDDING!

    ETA : I noticed alot of my buddies from The Bachelor threads posting their stories here. Good thing we can read "firework stories" here because we sure aren't seeing any there!!!
    Last edited by lildago; 01-31-2006 at 04:39 PM.
    Getting lost will help you find yourself.

  6. #26
    Up too late... Chickngirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2003

    Don't hate me for my long post!

    I have been married 8 and 1/2 years- there wasn't "fireworks" at first, but there was an intrigue. Buckle in for a looong story.

    Me and a couple of friends were headed to a Dead show in Indiana (there was also a baby robin in a cage, but that doesn't need to be delved into). Traffic along I-65 was notoriously stop-and-go at the time. I was stopped - heck, EVERYONE was stopped, except for the guy behind me. He rear-ends my car (which technically was my mom's).

    We all get out of our cars and check for damage. There wasn't any but the guy who hit me went ahead and gave me his contact info, stating that in Alabama where he lived, insurance wasn't mandatory, but he would pay for any damages out of pocket.

    He was very nervous (he claims he was digging in the passenger seat for his cigs- I mantain that it was the wacky kind of tobacky ) so I offered him a beer from our cooler. He refused (smart man, since it was midday on the expressway) and asked if I knew where I was camping that night. I told him that we already had arrangements to meet some people at a farm, he said he was also meeting someone somewehere else, and we went out seperate ways. I distinctly remember laying in my sleeping bag that night thinking "Too bad that cute guy and I already had plans".

    Well, after the weekend, I return home to KY and think about this guy for a few weeks. Like I said, I was intrigued. So I sent him a letter in Alabama stating that I had taken the car to the shop and had an estimate for $400 to fix everything. On the bottom of the back of the page in tiny letters I wrote "Just kidding".

    He called a few weeks later telling me he liked the letter and we chit-chatted. In this conversation he mentions his girlfriend he had been living with for several years; the fact that he lives on a school bus; and that him and said girlfriend were thinking of joining a commune. Intrigue turned to something, I don't know what- a feeling that I was talking to one incredibly weird person.

    We get off the phone. I write the conversation off as one bizarre experience and quit thinking about the guy. I date around for a few months, then get a phone call out of the blue that Alabama guy was coming to KY (with his girlfriend!!!) and could we possibly hang out (sans gf)? What do I have to lose at this point? I was 21-22 and up to a little adventure in one very boring life, so I agreed to it.

    Turns out, him and his gf had been unhappy for a long time and she egged him on to come to KY as a challenge. Little did she know that he would take her up on it.

    That weekend was weird. I went back to feeling intrigue, not fireworks (but he claims he knew that weekend I was the person for him). He eventually moved here, we dated and married.

    Was their fireworks when we met? I don't think so; but my subconscious mind must have known something to make me send him the letter and agree to him visiting that weekend. Like a previous poster said- my love for him is a steady-burning thing. Sometimes I still get all tingly inside when I see him, but most days it's more like a comfortable warm feeling.
    "The older you get, the more rules they are going to try and get you to follow. You just gotta keep on livin', man. L-I-V-I-N." Wooderson, "Dazed & Confused"

  7. #27
    Fort Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    where its beautiful one day perfect the next
    No fireworks but just a feeling that we fitted together.

    We met at a party, I had not wanted to go as i was not invited but my friends talked me into it. He gatecrashed with his friends. It was about 1am and i was ready to leave and was not having a good time but didnt want to force my firends to leave (I was designated driver). This guy kept starring at me. Finally he came over and started singing to me "Lady whats your name, can i walk beside you in the rain, just a little smile will make my day" I forget the rest of the words but i instantly laughed, took a chance and wrote my details on his arm and left with his promise he would call me at 11 the next day. He didnt call he turned up on my door step at 6pm just a mear 7 hours late.
    He made me laugh, i felt secure and comfortable in his company and it just felt right, we have been together 21 years together married for 18.

    I think that love is not that instant as i dont think i actually loved him straight away but just felt like he was worth taking a risk on He was totally oppersite from what i normally went out with and if i had not taken a chance or had he not sang to me I am not sure we would have met.

    Turned out after we actually got to know each other that he worked across the road from me, went to the same pub on a Friday night and used to spend every second weekend at a beach where i used to go and knew the same people there as i did. Yet we met at a place neither of us were meant to be. Some may call it fate.

  8. #28
    RESIDENT JEDI MASTER Stargazer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    On a Rocky Mountain High
    What a great thread.

    I wanted to share my parents story.

    They grew up together, a few miles and a few school grades apart. Mom said Dad was one of the "ruffians" that sat in the back of the school bus. Dad apparently noticed Mom in a much better light. When they were old enough for high school, he started going to the church she went to, walking 8 miles every Sunday, rain or shine. Mom still hadn't figured out that Dad was interested, even though he was always trying to get her attention.

    Then my Dad and aunt went on a date, bringing my mom and another guy along as a double-date. I never asked, but I'm assuming it was a bit of sneakiness on the part of Diana and Dad. They all went to an amusement park and my aunt and the other guy didn't want to ride anything. So Mom and Dad ended up riding all the rides together and within hours the "dates" had switched. On the way home that night, Mom told my aunt that she was going to marry Dad one day.

    They would have been married for 40 years the year that he died.
    "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."- Yoda

    "I'll just see where Providence takes me and try to look like I got there confidently." - Craig Ferguson

  9. #29
    FORT Fogey misskitty's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    In the Kat House in Kanada
    What wonderful and heartful stories! I am sooo JEALOUS! As I still do not have a Mr. Kitty.

    I came across this and wondered how true you think it is, looking at your own or other's successful relationships. I totally agree with it. I also heard the 4 things that RUIN a relationship and cannot be fixed with forgiveness are : criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt. What do you think?
    Five Traits Of A Good Couple
    Mike Thorburn

    Focus on these five qualities and youíll find yourself happier, more fulfilled, and more productive.

    Honesty - The ability for a couple to communicate with truthfulness is crucial to a relationshipís success. Far too often relationships get mired in posturing and it negatively affects its quality. An honest response is like removing a band-aid: It hurts for a second, but ultimately itís much better than picking at it slowly.

    Similarly, white lies and selective honesty slowly eat away at the foundation of a relationship, and before long the dynamic completely changes, and not for the better.

    Flexibility- ďCompromiseĒ is a word that all couples learn to embrace. No two people ever have the exact same preferences and weíre all saddled with our own quirks. Finding a balance is a serious challenge, but infinitely rewarding.

    Taking your girl shopping after she lets you watch the football game in peace isnít much of a sacrifice for anyone, when you get right down to it, and both of you end up happy with your day. This semi-clichť example is reflective of larger issues in your relationship. While someone always ends up wearing the pants, itís healthy for both people to have a sizeable amount of control regarding whatís going on in the relationship

    Sex - Sex is key. Thatís all there is to it and I donít need to elaborate on this one too much. While sexual compatibility can become a quick-fix solution to other problems in a relationship, incompatibility can have the inverse effect.

    Now Iím not an advocate of ending a relationship if everything is amazing but the sex doesnít wake the neighbors, but sex does go a long way in giving a relationship more potential to become serious and long lasting. Total sexual incompatibility is a hurdle that can be overcome, but itís no easy endeavor, and a lot of thought should go into it before you try.

    Independence - One of the hardest things for individuals in a relationship to cope with is being away from their partner, but itís a skill that has to be mastered. All too often you see relationships that consume one or both of the people involved. They live and die by their partner and being so overly dependent on one person is never a good thing. While your significant other should be just that, you are your own person and you must never forget that.

    Trust- This is the biggie. Everything Iíve talked about above relates to trust. If you trust a complete stranger to make sure your brakes work, how can you not trust your partner? Trust is a guiding factor behind honesty and flexibility. We all know how much trust is involved in the bedroom.

    Itís a fact that not all people are trustworthy and you might even be dating one as we speak. Nevertheless, if youíre sitting at home wondering if the other person is getting into trouble, the relationship isnít good for you, nor your sanity. The strongest couples Iíve ever seen are able to control any jealousy that might arise because they know thereís nothing to worry about.
    Live simply ~ Love generously~ Care deeply~ Speak kindly

  10. #30
    Premium Member canuckinchile's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    back in "The Big Smoke"
    I have been very happily married for 19 years. Good article miss kitty, but I would have to add RESPECT.

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